c1t- I don't know if what you did was the right thing. But, i have to think that there has to come a time when you stand your ground. My psychiatrist told me, several months ago, that until i demanded respect from my H, there was probably little chance for us. And, he made a good point. We have to respect ourselves, in order for them to respect us. Letting him run around Thailand, getting pampered by other women, is a bit much. I think it was perfectly okay for you to tell him what you said. B/c how can he honestly work on things with you while he is off doing god knows what with other women? Doesn't really make sense to me.
Anyway, thats my 2 cents. Don't beat yourself up over it. There has to come a time when we set limits on how much we are willing to take.
I agree with Imdi. These WAH's exibit some very immature and self-destructive behavior; we do not have to approve. I read how a lot of spouses that have their H's living at home end up telling them to move out, just so they can gain back some respect. It's things like this that we need to remember. We can't let these WAH's belittle us. I think you did really well, c1t. Go with your gut. Stand up for yourself. I have learned in the last few months how important it is to maintain respect.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
c1T - The rate of AIDS among prostitutes in Thailand is really high. H needs to get an AIDS test 3 months after his trip, and again a few months later. I wouldn't dream of sleeping with a man who had been with a prostitute in Thailand.
Let me tell you a truly sad story. I once had a patient (I'm in family medicine) a handsome nice young straight man in his 30s who came to my office with oral thrush. He was married, successful, and he and his wife were raising the young children of his brother and SIL who had died in an accident. A beautiful family.
Although he denied risk factors for AIDS, we ran a test - and it was positive. Turns out, he had slept with a prostitute in Thailand while there on a business trip. This was in the 80's, before there were antiviral drugs for AIDS, and I had to give this guy the bad news - that he was probably going to die, that he had put his beloved wife at risk, that those children were probably going to lose him too. One of the saddest conversations I ever had with a patient in my entire life. It still haunts me.
Not posted for a week as been moving house and its been manic!!
Anyway settled now and very happy...
Things still ticking on with my H. My BF and i have almost come to a standstill, but I think it ultimately was going to happen... AND I got a new admirer!!! very nice, keeps texting me... He knows my H, so got to be careful... but its is amazing how getting some attention from someone else can take your mind off things and stop you fixating on your H...
I have hardly bothered with my H this week, coz this other guy has been texting me most nights and you know what! it makes such a refreshing break!!
