Will my H EVER be ready to settle down again, or does he just want to play the field for the rest of his life???
That is the million dollar question my friend. My exH was the same way...from one to the next, sometimes juggling several at the same time. We've been D for 6yrs now and honestly I see no end in sight for him. He is living with his latest GF and from what I hear through the grapeviine, no signs of changing. Too bad, I really like his GF.
But what's more important is what are you willing to live with? A man who will do this to you, throw it in your face as he did recently? My exH used to try and secure my position with him by telling me that no one else would want me because I had a child. I found that my self-esteem, worth whatever you want to call it was at an all time low back then. I had friends tell me, You'll know when you've had enough. I had MFs that sat me down one day and made my eyes litterally flutter open to the lifestyle that I had come to know. One day I snapped, I was done and that was the end of that. This is your life...what are you willing to accept here? He disregard for your feelings appear to be an attempt to humiliate and control. Is that what you want the rest of your life?
Yeah the million dollar question eh?? To be honest most of the time I am ok - and this is because I have now got past that stage and do have a full life without my H... Just the odd day when I could scream still and let it all out... I think at the moment I do not feel like my H is taking advantage of me becuase I am going out and doing what I want... My life now does not revolve around him... i fit him in when it suits me.... If the day comes when I feel myself backsliding and changing things for him then that is when I will change things and if needbe end the situ with him...
I know everybody has different views on this site with regards to their partners and OW or OM... But for me, at the moment its not making me depressed or miserable. At the moment i am just fitting my H into my life as and when it suits me... Yes I want more from him, but I can wait and enjoy myself in the process..
Hope this makes sense, As long as me and H are getting on, and the past few months we have got on better than ever, each week he gets closer to me and thats not from me pushing - its totally from him on his own, making his own decisions...
Hey c1t- Just wanted to thank you for your feedback on my sitch. I can also understand your feeling where most days you feel okay. Often that is how i feel, except for recently, but things have taken a turn for the worse.
It seems like you have a good outlook and are no longer allowing your life to revolve around your H's statements and actions. I am hoping that one day i will be able to do that as well.
I think you have a BF - do you think that having him in your life helped you get to the stage where you are at now? Not that i want to run out and meet someone, i am just wondering that after my D is final, and if i meet someone, will that help in my healing process. I don't know...just thinking out loud, so to speak.
Yes having a BF defintely was the turning point for me... Before that I was a bit of a doormat and was just sitting around, waiting for my H....trying to please him... When I met my Bf it gave me confidence in all areas of life and made me realise I could live without my H. More importantly it stopped me being NEEDY of my H... OK things with my BF have now faded off a bit and I do still want my H, but I am so much stronger than i was before...
I think it does you so much good to get some attention from another male in this situation. Even if its just a bloke telling you you look nice - its gives you such a boost..
Got to go now as going out but will be back on tomorrow to catch up...
Hi c1t - I hear what you are saying!! I am not dating anyone but I do get alot of male attention at my job because I work with mostly men, and it actually does give me an ego boost, one that I desperately needed. I feel silly to admit it, because i like to believe that my self worth doesn't ultimately come from male attention, but I am trying to lighten up a bit and in that respect I guess there is no harm in feeling that way. Seems that it is human nature, or something ilke that. In my case, by the time my H left me my self esteem had really plummeted and I had lost alot of "me" (no wonder we fell apart!!) So GAL and detaching will, I guess, make a LBS more attractive for a number of reasons, but one could be that the LBS will suddenly seem alot more like the person that had originally captured the WAS's heart - a person who was not at all needy, ya know? Sorry to jump in on your reply to lmdi but I just identified with the topic!
yes it defintely does help... I feel bit crap at moment though, becuase before my H went to Thailand he was making a real effort, and ringing and texting me all the time to see how me and our D was... Since he as been back he has been a bit distant... hardly any texts or calls this week...
I am seeing him tonight - I am going out with my friends but meeting up with him later and stopping at his house so I am just trying to push it to 1 side, otherwise I will end up getting mad at him and spoiling what could be a good night!!
I think he just has a case of holiday blues at the moment... plus his OW has cooled things off with him coz she said she did not beleive he just went to Thailand with his mates for sun, sand and drink!!! ( bout time she opended her eyes, sorry but could not resist saying that!)
But this is when if I am feeling low i could think to myself - ' why does my H blow hot and cold as and when it suits him'....
But what I need to do is just ignore it......pretend he is no different as this will bring him out of it quicker then making an issue out of it with him...
Off to get me hair done so I look as best as poss for tonight.. wish me luck and playing things cool and collected with my H??? Just becuase I am staying night with him - dont want to come on strong.... want to let him want me, if that makes sense?
But what I need to do is just ignore it......pretend he is no different as this will bring him out of it quicker then making an issue out of it with him...
This is an interesting idea, hav eyou found it to work at all in the past, or have you heard it from anyone who has had success with it before? It struck me as a differant way to look at it, so if u could expand on it, that's be great!! Thanks! Hope your night w/ H went well!!!
I got a great e-book I can send you on this kind of thing.. if you let me have your e-mail address I will forward to you or e-mail me on chantalt@onetel.com
My H rang me today wanting me to check flights for him to go back to Thailand in July....
I am not sure whether I have done right or wrong but I put my put down... I said to him
'going to Thailand was an experience for you and 1 I am prepared to accept. But going again, whilst we are both testing the water with each other ( he has said this) is really taking the p**s at bit. If come July things are not working with me and you and we have not move forward at all, then fair enough, get a last minute flight. but to plan it now whilst we are trying to work things out is totally unfair'...
What does anyone think?? I just felt that I had to stand my ground on this one. It is something i would not be prepared to accept whilst we are trying to get on again...
I know the theory is not to put pressure on them and try and tell them what to do , but I felt so strongly about this that I had to tell my H...
I do think he is trying to see how far he can push me...
