Friday was my H's office holiday party and it's safe to say it was a disaster. My H didn't really want me to go and several of his coworkers blatantly ignored me. (Shameful jerks who encouraged his A.) Initially my H said he only wanted to stay for an hour. As it turns out he was happy to stay for hours and get really drunk. He just said he only wanted to stay a short time to discourage me from coming.
Then he decided to go outside and smoke which has been an issue between us. People he went out to smoke with came back inside and after 20 minutes he was still outside so I decided to leave.
I ended up crying myself to sleep that night as I was so upset and wasn't sure whether to bother with my M. I'm so tired of being treated like crap around my H's friends and family. I've been to my H's boss's house and she didn't even say hello to me at the party or even acknowledge my presence. The fact that she was very drunk frankly is not an excuse in my book.
Almost a half hour after I left my H called to see where I was. I told him I was angry at him for abandoning me and said it was crap that people who knew me didn't even say hello. He said he was mad at me and said that was why he doesn't want to take me anywhere--because I'm difficult and unfriendly. Frankly I'm tired of hearing that excuse. Both my H and I are on the shy side until we get to know someone. I would never just leave him at a party like he did to me.
The next day I was still pretty upset and my H sent me a text saying we should talk. I decided that it would be better to just to move ahead and not discuss it. Maybe at some point in the future we will revisit the issues but I'm too hurt right now to talk to him without getting angry and emotional.
I think part of the problem is we're rapidly approaching the end of the year, which will be mean we've been living apart for a year. In Virginia that means we can file a no-fault D without the permission of the other.
hey hon, sorry you had a rough time at the party)))))))) I am mighty sure my H didnt' tell any of his ex-coworkers (same jerks who also encourage the A) that he was back w/me. It is something about them (Hs) not wanting to admit they messed up, your H might feel he needs to put up a front to those jerks at work.
Sadly, I have come to the conclusion that lots of things that I would NEVER do to my H he'd would have no prob in doing (the A, forgiving if I was the w/the A -he admitted to that) so I had to come to terms w/that.
If you don't trust yourself today or tomorrow, then by all means calm down, but not talkign about it any time soon it's only going to put another mile between you, IMO. Your H might still be fighting the tentacles of the A on his heart, that could be a reason he acted the way he did, and not wanting to seem the one at fault made you feel like you were the one who was wrong.
Don't loose hope hon)))))))))))))
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
Thanks for your concern guys. I know my H doesn't mean to be such an a$#. I just think he's always so worried about what other people think. And he knows that no matter what I will always love him and forgive him.
I think I would be way more secure about everything if he would move back in and agree to start wearing our rings again. Last week we were watching a movie on TV and he reached over to hug me. Out of the blue I started to cry and when he asked why, I said "I'm so glad I still have you." He said "it's because of you."
We still haven't talked about the party and I'm not sure we need to. Last night I told him I was never going to be OK to have him just leave me alone at a party where I don't know anyone. He said what's important is that we are nice to each other. So I think we've communicated all that need be.
