Hugs. You need them. I'm sorry you missed the meeting today; not your fault. You had a fun day with your brother and that's great to read. I wish I lived closer to my family; they support me long-distance, but it's not quite the same, is it? Please don't give up; you are upset tonight. Give it a couple of days and see how you feel then, ok? I know you're tired of it all. It's so draining. Hope
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
Journaling: I shoveled snow for about 2 hours today. After finishing my driveway, I used my dad's snowblower to clear his driveway. I'm still pissed about Friday. I fantasized about "shoveling in" OM's car tonight and then hosing it off so it's a huge block of ice in the morning. All funny stuff for my book someday, but just not practical.
While I was out shoveling, L called and left a message. It can't be about my letter b/c he didn't get it yet. Gotta call him tomorrow. Whopee!
I've been having an email debate w/our minister about whether or not God really acts in the world today. I used to beleive that God would act on behalf of good people who wanted what was "right". Now I'm not sure that is true. I haven't seen any eveidence of it and I just don't know what to beleive
Like Billy Joel, I'm just an "Angry Young Man" these days (even tho I'm over half way to 90).
My hands and wrists are tired. I can't type any more.
HF7: Thanks for the hugs. It's too bad you don't have family closer. It makes a BIG difference. Hugs back at cha.
You're welcome. Hey, anybody who knows vintage Billy Joel is A-OK in my book!
The hosing down of OM's car is pretty funny! I think we LBS's could compose a humor book of thoughts like this. Get our creative juices flowing.
I'm all shoveled out here, too. The snow hasn't quite stopped yet though.
Jabez, not to go all biblical on ya, but one thing we have to remember is that God gave man free will. I still believe He does act on behalf of good people, but he isn't going to necessarily change what our WAS's are doing---because they are exercising their free will He gave to them. I've had to constantly remind myself of this. Had a conversation with my Pastor yesterday, and he reminded me that my H. will have to answer for what he is doing someday. Also, that I am not responsible in any way for what H. is doing. I just keep on praying for H. and for all our WAS's here.
Remember, "Sometimes a Fantasy" is the theme song of the WAS.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
not to go all biblical on ya, but one thing we have to remember is that God gave man free will.
This is part of what has me in such a spin. On one hand we have this idea that God gave man free will, but those words are not exactly written in the Bible. I think that the notion of free will comes from Genesis and the garden of Eden story. I know that Bible verses can be taken out of context and used to prove points for which they were not intended, but in Matthew 7:7&8 Jesus, in the "Sermon on the Mount", says Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened. This is the entire thought, there are no qualifiers, it doesn't say, that the person asking has to be asking for something for themselves, it doesn't say what we should be asking for or seeking.
If God created marriage and sees marriage as good, then why would he not honor his promise? Why would he not act in the world today? I'm supposed to teach a Sunday School class this week entitled "Promises to Live By", I don't know if I can do it, because I don't believe in "the promise" the way I used to. "The promise" was one that God heard our prayers and acted on them. After 3 1/2 years of asking, seeking and knocking, my wife had not been given back to me, I have not seen any positive change in her behavior and her heart and mind are still closed to me. I feel like either "the promise" was broken, or, more likely, we bent the words to mean what we wanted them to mean. God does not act to intervene in our lives.
On another note, I called L this morning. He told me his version of what happened on Friday and what will happen in the near future. I am angry and disgusted as to how the law handles these situations. If anyone ever thought the law cared about the truth or was fair, they are naive. I have to pay another L and go to parenting class to learn how to be a divorced parent. I have zero interest in doing either of these things. What I want to do is instead of spending $ on another L is spend the $ on MC and learn how WAW & I can be better H & W so that we can parent our children together. It's just insane. What ever happened to Spike Lee's notion of Doing the Right Thing?
Later WAW sent an email saying that I didn't care about DD's feelings b/c I didn't wait around for 3 1/2 hours for the meeting to start. In my reply, I . . . I . . . I. OK, I'll confess it. (Humbly) Bless me Michelle for I have backslid. I will say three validations and give up criticizing for Lent.
And my venting for this evening is finished.
Maybe the women's Olympic half-pipe will get my mind off of things.
I'm so sorry things didn't go well on Friday. And how were you to know that instead of 3 1/2 hours it could have been 5 or never? To me, if they are more than 1 hour late, they should reschedule. It's crazy to ask anyone to wait so long.
Vent here all you want. We all do. It's better than venting at the STBX and then causing more issues!
I've moved down to Surviving the Big D. Come down and visit sometime.
WCB
God grant me the serenity,
to accept the things I cannot change,
To change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.
- Reinhold Niebuhr
I want to say that I really, REALLY appreciate your comments, insights and observations.
Accept your W - I do accept my W. I accept her feelings. I just don't accept her A.
trust her - This is a tough one. Can you expound on what you mean by trust? W is involved in an A w/OM. They've gone away on weekend get-aways and a week long vacation to the Caribbean. Yes, I trust that her feelings are real and she is acting on them.
believe her pain when she only focusses on the negatives - I'd never deny her feelings. I do have a hard time beleiving that she is truely and deeply happy as she says she is, but I would never express that to her.
Let her speak about the pain, listen, accept and acknowledge that anything she says was painful, was painful - She doesn't speak or write about it. We are in the past and she has moved on. It's over and done with and there is nothing more to talk about. And I agree, I don't want to go back to that R. It was too stressful, too closed.
She'll let the past M go Can I tell her that I left go of the past and hope that she does too?
This is'nt so easy because it's YOUR heart that has to change first. My heart has changed. For the past 3 years, I was a doormat. I've recently begun to set up some boundries. I don't want to go back to where we were before. I want to have the courage to say, "Hey, something isn't right between you and I, what's up?" and then sit and listen with empathy.
Last weekend, my "rage-o-meter" was pegged at 10.1, this weekend, I've calmed down. After a "vent session" with my mom & dad on Tuesday night, I felt a little bit better. My mom called on Wednesday to see how I was doing and asked if I was calm enough to listen to something she had to say. I was and I listened. What she said made a lot of sense to me and helped me calm way down.
As a result of last Friday's contention, WAW and I had some heated emails early in the week. I decided to derail that train of tought by sending an email validating one of the feelings that she revealed in one of the emails. I got no reply, but I didn't expect one. I'm going to try an experiment and email a validating remark about statements that she has made in the past, twice during each of her active(positive) emotional bio-rhythm phases. I'll monitor the results and adjust according to events regarding the custody proceedings.
I haven't finished reading "I don't have to make everyting better", but I've already found quite a few useful ideas. I'd reccomend it to everyone.
Well I'm off to see The Pink Panther with my cousin tonight. Not exactly GAL, but better than sitting home and watching the Olympics alone again.
DD's are with WAW this weekend. I called to talk to them this AM and W answered. We actually talked for 2 minutes. I asked how she was doing and she actually said OK. Usualy she ignores the question. A micro baby step?
I'm glad that you are finding some way to reel back in the anger and begin to find a way to some common middle ground with your WAW. It will not be easy and you might have to compromise a little more than you would like but if doing some simple validation makes life easier for you and DD's then it's worth it. It's so hard sometimes not to get angry. I get angry with my STBXH all the time. It seems like he gets the easy way out. But, I have to take the long and high road here and do what is best for my kids. In doing that I can hold my head up high and be proud of myself. You can too. You have so much to be proud of.
Have fun at the movie. The kids and I saw Pink Panther last weekend and it is hilarious!
WCB
God grant me the serenity,
to accept the things I cannot change,
To change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.
- Reinhold Niebuhr
But, I have to take the long and high road here and do what is best for my kids. In doing that I can hold my head up high and be proud of myself.
WCB, I have a male friend who is a school councelor whom I talk to often about my feelings and the sitch. He used the words high road in describing what I'm doing. I think that it is a character trait of LBS' with kids. They consider their every action in relation to how it will affect the kids.
I am proud of myself. The past 3 1/2 years have proven my intergrity to myself. I have proven my "stick-to-it-ivity" to myself. And I have proven to myself that I have the courage to stand up for and act on what I beleive in.
On another point, the movie was a riot! "I want to buy a hamburger."
Hey Jabez, it took me a while to realize you started a new thread Sorry to hear about that meeting...what a mess huh? Glad to see you're trying to move past it. Learn what you can from the experience and chalk it up to another lesson learned the hard way.
So, if they had the meeting without you, what was the outcome? I didn't catch that part.
"Happiness is a butterfly, which, when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you."
Sorry to hear about that meeting...what a mess huh? Glad to see you're trying to move past it. Learn what you can from the experience and chalk it up to another lesson learned the hard way.