Scott and MrMom, I too suffer from the low self-esteem, killing attraction, avoidance, rejection cycle. I have been seeing a specialist on self-esteem issues and he gave me some exercises to work on. If you want, I can post that stuff here a bit at a time and we can discuss it (as well as get input from the others as well).
Chromo
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
Absolutely! That is a great idea - I for one would most definitely appreciate your sharing of these exercises. As you suggested, you can post a bit at a time and we can all discuss.
QUOTE ____________________________________________________________ I told him "I'm damned if I do, damned if I don't....at this point, with you....there is no way I am going to get what I need because YOU have made up your mind you WON'T do it for whatever reason." ____________________________________________________________
Yep, that is it exactly!!! It is a hopeless feeling! The thing is that I have clearly stated this to my wife, but she still doesn't "get it". This is just going to have to be an issue to weed through with the MC. Speaking of the counseling, I am REALLY disappointed right now because we had to cancel this week's appointment because my SO is sick. There was no opportunity to reschedule this week, so I had to reschedule for next Tuesday (our normal night). When I did that, my fiancee was NOT happy because that was Valentine's Day so now I may have to push it back AGAIN. It is really disappointing for me because it is now going to be a month between sessions where both of us have attended (we have only had one session together so far).
Anyway, I agree about the self-esteem issue with MrMom.... whether it was an issue prior to his relationship/marriage.
I was going to but my fiancee is actually having a colonoscopy done tomorrow. She is doing the prep tonight, so she wants me around all evening in case she needs me for something (which is ok with me of course).
Re ScottPA Speaking of the counseling,......so I had to reschedule for next Tuesday (our normal night). When I did that, my fiancee was NOT happy because that was Valentine's Day so now I may have to push it back AGAIN.
Scott. The above quote got to me as I have been through the same schedule (jump through her hoops) thing. I did jump through BB's hoops and the more I did, the less she worked on the MC enviroment as a whole.
It's my opinion, people that are not willing to find solutions to differences, use any and all excuses to not get out of their center of the universe seat.
I don't remember all of your R situation, but from what I know, I would ask miself "is this the way I want to live for the next 10/30 years?' I don't think anything changes unless one persons moves on or is willing to get off of "dead/no action" center.
So what is wrong with going to the C on Valentine's Day? It sounds like if everything is not perfect for your girlfriend, it is not worth spending any effort. Well, life and R's are not perfect but a lot better when "two" people work towards the same goal.
Re ScottPA fiancee is actually having a colonoscopy done tomorrow. She is doing the prep tonight,
BB and I had one. The prep is the more difficult part for many people. Drinking a gallon of "flush" web site>COLYTE® and COLYTE®-FLAVORED electrolite takes time and becomes uncomfortable/full feeling. Then there are the runs and runs to the toilet. Some people use sanitary pads in back of their undies just in case they dont make it to the toilet in time. Other than feeling "extremely full" and constantly going to the toilet and barely making it, BB or I had no other problems.
If the prep is unflavored, add a pack of some light collored flavoring to the electrolite. We could eat jello so did. BB thought she was bleeding internally because the red Jello came out looking like blood in the stool. It wasn't blood, so if you can eat Jello, try some of the lighter collors. That way you know she is not bleeding.
The colonoscopy; BB was out from her sedative and barely remembers a thing until about 3 hours later. I watched most of my procedure on the monitor but could have been in a fog for a couple of minuets.
After the colonoscopy, (the client gets a sedative) don't let her drive. Some people need the whole day to be aleart enough to do anything constructive. I was OK and was driving in 2 hours. BB was smoked/in a fog for the rest of the day till about 6PM. I had mine at 8AM, BB had hers at 7AM on different days. FWIW
It's not easy to do the "right" things...and it's really hard to do things for ourselves to make us happy....when so many of us are people pleasers....and I think many of us on this BB are people pleasers.
Scott, ok...I can understand why you would opt out of the session if she needsyou around for a procedure. I agree though with Lou on....what's so bad about going to a MC on Valentine's Day? If she thinks that's a bad thing, then in my mind...she's not viewing the C as a favorable thing, when in reality....it is. Seeking out help during a troubled time....is a good thing, it means you want to work things out (most of the time). You want to learn to communicate with her....you aren't there to attack and accuse (hopefully). My H wouldn't think a thing about it if we went to the MC on Valentine's Day....we'd just make plans to have someone watch our son and grab some dinner together afterwards.
Who knows...perhaps she doesn't want to go because she's already made plans for the two of you (I'm the eternal optimist LOL). But, I would be wary of her finding reasons/excuses that she can't go for one reason or another.
Quote: I agree though with Lou on....what's so bad about going to a MC on Valentine's Day? If she thinks that's a bad thing, then in my mind...she's not viewing the C as a favorable thing, when in reality....it is.
It is favorable thing to do but it can cause short term stresses. Last night I was in a great mood, laughing and joking with W and the MC at the beginning. After the session I was stressed and upset. Was it a bad session? No, it was great and needed but it was emotional. Was I in the mood for some light-hearted VD romance? Not at all. I can definitely see why you may not want to put an MC session right before a time when you are trying to be all lovey and romantic.
Gone the carvings and those who left their mark. Gone the kings and queens, now only the rats hold sway.
