I am sure, though, that it would be nice to get a letter that gives you some closure? Or warmth?
I am glad you still have your sense of humour - without it, most of us would go totally bonkers.
Stay well!!!!
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Quote: So true! As long as one has given one's WAS every opportunity at real reconciliation, then if things are the same as before, then what is the point. You have to be able to walk away with your head held high, having explored every avenue. Like Dr. Phil says: "You know you're ready for a divorce when you can walk out the door with no anger, frustration or hurt. Otherwise, you've got unfinished business," says Dr. Phil. "Unless and until you look each other in the eye feeling peace, no hatred or resentment, you're not ready to get a divorce." That is the place I am in right now. I am not done yet, but if things don't change soon, then I will withdraw my feelings and move on, once I feel I have done everything humanly possible to get through to my H. Sometimes, I think he just wishes the things he has done will just be forgotten, and he can carry on as before, with no consequences, or having to prove anything to me. Well, we'll see!
I wish you well on your journey!
Couple Questions- Exactly how does your H prove it to you? Not being rude. Going through this with my W. She doesn't believe I have changed. She holds on to the negative and filters everything through the past. So how would one notice the change when so much anger is still prsent.
JSD
Hillcountry
[color:"red"]I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it."
That's just it! I'm no longer angry with him, but I am expecting some changes. He was the one who had the EA, wanted the D, and was determined to end our M. Once I had moved on, and was GAL, and looking forward to my future single life, then he realised what he was willing to throw away, and discovered he still loved me, and wanted to keep our family together. Well, duh! Anyway, you can read our sitch under Moving on with H.
The thing is he still lied, after we had recommitted, and were planning a move to a new city. I almost walked out then, and since then, I find it very hard to trust him. I expect him to DB me now, in that I expect him to communicate with me any concerns, or just to connect with me, he needs to seek me out to do fun things, and I need to see him working on himself. I have told him these things, but it's like talking to a wall. So, now I wait for him to make the positive changes I need to see, otherwise I will leave.
That's not to say that life is unhappy for me - quite the opposite. I am very happy within myself because I took the time and trouble to work on myself. I don't think it's too much to ask the same of him. I am certainly not going to spend the rest of my life with someone who is just going to coast and expect me to do it all. He screwed up, so he must clean up too. I accepted my role in the negatives in our M, and have more than made up for it (he agrees), and now he has to do the same.
I don't know what advice I can give you, JSD, since I don't know your whole sitch. But, it will help if you can actively listen to your wife's concerns, and show her that you are trying to address them, honestly and with commitment. Let her know that you hear and care about what she says - validate her feelings. My H doesn't do that. He listens, sure, but he doesn't act on my concerns, or he just says I have to eventually trust him.
Hope this helps.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
I am new to this message board and have been reading and re-reading Michelle's book for the last week. My W of 6 yrs ort of walked away three weeks ago with our D3. I say sort of because she went accross the country to be with her family and has told me that if I want to save the R then I need to move to be where she is [one of the issues between us has been that we have lived near my family for the whole time that we have been married]. To be honest, I have mixed feelings towards her individually right now, but I feel the need to do what is necessary to reconcile because I also remeber the good times. My point is, I have read through this forum and realize that you all are in a different place. I am sad because I wonder if that is where I am headed anyway. Is it worth all the pain?
Just an update that my D was final on May 26th. I don't think she even wants to maintain a friendship either. Well the good news is that I met another woman from Texas movign here to Virginia to be wih me this weekend. We have known each other since Mar of 05 and Im ready to begin a new chapter in life taking with me the knowledge I have gained from here and applying the tools necessary to keep a good relationship alive!
