Ok Im a loyal reader but not a poster. Here is my first post. My h of 7 yrs and I have been seperated (h is living with single buddy)for 7 months. We are both 31. I believe he is trying to live a bachelor life like his single friends since we have been together for 14 yrs! During this time he would come over frequently and we would be intimate but no sex. We also have a 5 yr old daughter. During this time we always kept close but when I would ask him to come home he would back off. In October, we were talking about moving away , then that week I found out he was seeing someone. From that point on I did the 180 ,after my anger subsided, of course. H then went to visit his family for 2 weeks. This gave me time to detach. When he came back, he tried reaching me but i would not answer the phone. He said he was concerned because of a hurricane we were having. After a couple of weeks, H started coming over again . During the holidays he spent time with us as a family. H insisted on takng me out for birthday and again we became intimate again. But when I asked him again to come home we would begin to become distant again. This past week i told him I could not continue like this anymore. He had to make a decision . Of course , H optted not to come home. I then asked if he was still seeing ow and he said "i have seen here, not seeing" also "dont make a big deal of it" . H then said, I want to be honest w/ you I bought ow a necklace and earrings for Christmas. He only told me that because I had to return the watch he bought me and that is when I would have found out. SO after that, I told him we are no longer going to continue this and he can pick up my daughter instead of hanging out with us. He asked if he could call me , i said no d5 will call him. h aasked if this is what I wanted , i said this is the way it had to be. so the following day, he picked up d5 and I walked her out looking dressed to go out. He asked where I was going? i said out with a friend. When they got back I asked when would he be seeing her again ? H said he didnt know because he had no money and had to work overtime. H was cranky so I said fine. H then said quick goodbye. H called 15 min later to see how d5 was (because she cried when h left). he then said he wasn't trying to be a ahole and just to make sure i didnt take it that way. I said no everything was fine. D5 then told me h told her to tell me he loved me . The following day, d5 called H. i heard h ask her if I cried that day, which I didn't. D5 said no. Later D5 was done , I told h she didnt want to talk anymore, h asked if d5 was going to grandma's house i said yes H then said if I needed anything to call himm I said ok. Since then i hadnt spoken to H. Last night H called to see how d5 was. I was kind of agitated because h hadn't called 3 days so it was short. h asked if he could pick up d5 tuesday I said no we had plans. H then asked with who..a guy? I said there will be a male there yes but other people. h then asked if h could pick d5 today? i said ok. This morning H called and left message saying he would like to come over and cook dinner for us tonight if that was ok with me. my question...what do i do ? part of me says yes part of me says no. I have been doing 180 should I continue or let him come over ?
I'm answering this a little late, but I would say to decline the dinner cooking invite. Your H seems to be coming back around and wondering about you. I think you need to maintain that mystery in order to move forward.
Spitfire
Always do right. This will gratify some people, and astonish the rest. Mark Twain
I know this sounds like canned advice, but stick with what's working. I'd agree with Spitfire--it seems the little bit o' mystery you're weaving is creating a fabric of curiosity in his mind. Maybe be a little more mysterious.
