I applied the principles. I acted up beat whenever talking to her. I tried to sound happy. I tried to be happy, but it is hard to do when you're thinking about the dude that is nailing your wife at the moment. WOW! That kills me. I thought she was the one. She was so special. She didn't even tell her family about this. She just kept it in and waited until the last possible moment and left.
I have no idea what to do now. My job requires a great deal of "awareness" and concentration. If not, bad things will happen. It almost happened the other night. I was distracted, and something bad almost took place. Let's just say I'm lucky to be here now.
I try to think about other things, but when I'm working, and not around many other people, it is difficult.
I don't want to die, but if I can't somehow slay my demons, someone might take the opportunity and do something bad.
I do not know what to say at this point. Things have gone from bad to worse. She is continuing to say that she wants the divorce. That much has not changed. We were supposed to divide the money in the accounts we had together down the middle. However, before she left she took over 11,000.00 from the accounts. She was in the process of taking the rest when I found out what was going on. I froze the accounts, then closed them and withdrew the rest money. In all, she took around 12,000.00. I was able to salvage some of it, but I still had outstanding checks written from that account that needed to clear before I could close it. I left just enough money to cover all the checks. I found out tonight that she had locked me out of the account from online by changing all the passwords and access ID's. I was able to circumvent all this by calling the 24 hour thingy. She's been taking all the money from that last account too. I went into damage control mode and began calling the companies that the checks were written to. I explained everything and had them not cash the checks so I could send them new ones. Hopefully I can get to the bank before she does and close the account out.
Also, I am frightened that she may accuse me of domestic violence. Now, I have NEVER laid an unkind hand on her. However, I have no idea what kind of BS this OM is feeding her. SHe may try to get vindictive and evil and accuse me of it. Without any visible sign of injury, it would be difficult and she would have to file the case through the state's attorney's office. The police couldn't do anything if it is just a he said she said thing, but I would be accused of it. That would definitely cost me my job. I am a police officer, and that kind of accusation is career ending.
What's up folks? I'm not a bad person. I have served my country in the military, and my community as a police officer. I always try to do the right thing, and I always treated her with respect and dignity.
Well, I've come to find that she's cheated twice. The first was an EA. This was back about a year and a half ago. The second, of course, was this one. Heck, to be quite honest, I don't know if the first was physical or not. She was writing love letters to her ex-boyfriend in Colombia. Then she went down several months later to visit family. There's a good chance she did have a physical affair then too.
It feels like it is over. I don't see how she would ever come back. She is so mad at me, and I still don't know why. I do know that one reason she won't come back is because I have told my family what has happened. She is very angry about that. I kinda thought that was what family was for...isn't it? Anyway, I am lost here. Part of me never wants to trust her again, and I would be rightly justified in getting the divorce. The other part of me wants her to come back and give me a chance to fix things...to make everything right again. To make amends for my mistakes.
I am so confused. She has been screwing around on me. She has betrayed me, and my trust in her. Yet, I still want her back. Is that wrong?
I am so confused. She has been screwing around on me. She has betrayed me, and my trust in her. Yet, I still want her back. Is that wrong?
Not at all. It is perfectly natural. Thing is that since you are here, your love for your W and your desire to try whatever you can to make it work outweighs your outrage/pain/sadness/frustration you feel over what she's done. As we all say at one time or another, only YOU can decide when enough is enough. I am having trouble commenting on your sitch, as I guess are others, because your W seems VERY extreme to me. She is acting like someone who is not confused at all and is doing some very damaging things. In the face of that, I don't know how I would DB. You sound like you've taken the steps to protect yourself financially, have you talked to a lawyer? If not, maybe it's time to do that so you can begin to protect yourself legally. You may still have a chance to save your M but you really need to take care of yourself until she calms down a bit.
That is what I was saying before. I have tried to DB, but it hadn't been working. Nothing I tried worked...not even not trying. This happened so suddenly. She has burned bridges. Wait...that's not right...she has blown the bridges up. They are gone. I have always wondered how people can date or marry someone when their family tells them that the person is bad. I mean, I see it all the time in my job. Now, my family is telling me that she is a bad person, and I would be a fool to take her back. I don't see this as even an option, because she even told me that she'd never come back because she'd made too many mistakes. She even told me that she didn't love the OM...he was just different.
Believe me, I would love to be able to say that I'll wait, and DB, and take her back. The problem is this, she's had two affairs. I'm not totally convinced that she didn't marry me just for the immigration status. The problem is this: I still love her. Actually, I still love the person I thought she was.
I need some advice. It doesn't matter if this is confusing to other DB'ers. Write. I need something because I am so very lost.
(((Lpd))) I don't have any other advice for you other than I admit that it does kind of sound like you were used for the immigration thing. That really bites. What a horrible thing to do. Only you know what is right. Sounds like you are a great guy and deserve a lot more. Hang in there, one way or another, you will be fine.
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Hey I feel for you. I am in a similiar situation. I am a police officer and have the same concerns as you do. My wife is acting irrationally. One step further my wife is a police officer as well and is having an affair with a coworker. (A love triangle between 3 cops) They are on the same shift and work the same days and work for the same departmemt, I work in for a neighboring department. (What are they thinking, what a nightmare!) Anyways I agree with what was said eariler you need to see a lawyer just to protect yourself. I did a couple of weeks ago but have not acted on it as of yet. I DO NOT WANT TO BE DIVORCED! By going to the lawyer you have documentation of what has been going on. You know as well as I do that documentation is the name of the game. I wish I had more advice to give you but like I said we are in exactly the same boat. If by some chance I notice a change in my wife from one of the DB principles, I will let you know. Be safe out there.
Thanks guys. I appreciate the support. I just don't know what to say or do. I have the strong feeling that it is over, and nothing can be done. I wish it were otherwise, but it is not. If she told me that she was totally in love with the guy it would be one thing. Then I know that this situation was like everyone else's. Then I would know that there was some hope. But it isn't. She doesn't love him at all. She just wants to be away from me. Her reasons change for why almost every day. I am really begining to think that it really was for the green card and the money. It looks like she has skimmed quite a bit off the top. See, I helped her get a job with the bank. She pretty mych knows all the ins and outs of this. Not only that, but whenever I attempted to take an interest in our finances, She would get offended. She was normally the one that was in charge of all that stuff, and she has a brilliant financial mind. I let her take care of it all. In retrospect, I see that it was a mistake.
When she described this OM to me, she described a carbon copy of me. All his likes, dislikes, ambitions. Hell, it could have been me. All the things he has already done for her, I did a long time ago. She even sneered when she told me that he wanted to learn Spanish. I learned Spanish...in two months...just to go out with her! I knew two words of Spanish when we met. I had never taken a single class in it. I had to learn it by listening to her and her friends talk. But I didn't mind, because I thought she was such a special girl. Guess I was wrong.
Thanks fro writing guys. It is good to hear others' opinions on the matter. It makes me feel a bit better.
She keeps calling and asking questions she already knows the answer to. Then, she admits that she is having second thoughts. She admits also, that she does not love the OM. I can still sense a lot of anger, and also that she is trying hard to be mad at me. Why is that? Why is she trying to be mad at me? If you're mad, you're mad. Why try to be that way.
Well, I thought there may have been a chance to fix things. I thought she had become remorseful and wanted to make amends. Then she asked to meet me. I suggested someplace public. She went for it. Then she was being extra nice and asking if she could borrow my laptop. I told her no. If she needed a computer, her new boyfriend could supply it. When the meeting was over, we were laughing and smiling. I felt hope. Then her boyfriend called me. He told me that I was irritating her, therefore I was irritating him. He told me that I needed to stop calling his woman and upsetting her and all kinds of stuff. Then he told me that he was a former Army Ranger and all that junk. He reminded me of the anti stalking laws in Florida (as if I didn't already know), and basically told me I'd better be careful. He was pretty surprised when I told him that the only time I called her was to return calls that she had made to me. I didn't invite her to meet me, she invited me to meet her. Then I offered to print out the phone records and send them to him. It seems as if we are both being duped.
Later today, I was going through some financial records. She has been sending money down to South America. In 2004 alone, she sent over $7000.00. That was from 03/2004 to 09/2004. That's quite a hunk of cash. On top of that was $2900.00 she withdrew to store away for a rainy day I guess. This was back in 2004 also. These withdrawls were not sent to Colombia. They were saved in an envelope in one of her drawers. She told me that she was holding it for her sister. LIAR!
Anyway, she has ended up with quite a bit of my money. She is lying to me and her new amante (lover). I don't feel like warning the dude though. He's obviously scum if he'd worm his way in between a married couple. Hel'' get what he deserves. He'll end up being in the same boat. Hopefully, he'll fet what happened to be, but 10 fold. I don't like being vindictive, but hey. Human nature and all.
