It’s hard for me to respond because I never think of you as the “o.w.” although you have revealed that in your posts. Then I think how you must feel when I post things about my H. and o.w. not working out in the end, because of how their R. began, etc. I hope I don’t upset or offend you. It’s good to get angry; I have had my rants, too. It isn’t fair that the WAS leaves without even trying to make the R. work. I feel that once they take the vows with you, they are owning up to half of the responsibility to keep the marriage healthy and growing. Walking away from it is not in keeping with that responsibility. I wish I knew what to say to make you feel better. What about breakfast on Sunday; can you make it?
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
Hope- You do not upset or offend me when you post about your H and his ow. I thought, that maybe, just maybe, my M would have been the exception to the rule about the success of A ending in M. Guess i was wrong.
I am angry that my H is walking away. But, before all of this happened, when my H was feeling like there were problems with us, he would beg me to do something about it...go to MC, etc. And i refused...for a lot of reasons. So, i do know that my H did try...i just never thought he would ever leave me, so i didn't do anything about it. Boy, am i kicking myself in the ass now. I don't want my H to be unhappy, but i do believe that there were a lot of good times b/w us too, and i think that if we were to try to make this work, there would be even more good times. I just wish he didn't think that D was the answer. And i wish that damn ow wasn't in the picture...but, i guess what goes around, comes around...
RE: breakfast...i am going to figure out how long it will take me to get there. Its at 11, right? And you are meeting at the restaurant? Do i have to wear a name tag?
Lol! Thankfully, Sassy and I already know what the other looks like, so we will be able to find each other. Just come in and announce that Imdi’s here!
I think you are very fortunate that your H. actually suggested things like MC. Mine did nothing whatsoever. The only thing he ever did was to send me a very long email in the fall of 2003 when he was away at school with the military. It was about a month after he’d come home for a weekend visit, and he’d done something to ruin that visit, and he’d left to go back to school on bad terms with me. In that email he wanted us to go away on a nice vacation together once he got back. We did eventually go, in the winter of 2005, and had a wonderful time. Now I see it as him trying to get us to both “run away” from our problems; maybe he thought a trip away together was going to solve his unhappiness. A month after this vacation, he met o.w. The more I read about the other WAH’s involved here, the more I see how emotionally immature my H. is. I think a lot of you have far better chances of reconciling than I do. My H. may not want to entirely let me go, but he doesn’t have the maturity to handle working things out the right way. I think I’m scared and sad all at once. Imdi, don’t let the fact that you were the “ow” before discourage you. You actually were and are the exception, in that you did get married and have been for many years. This doesn’t happen that often. And he hasn’t filed yet, so things are not over yet. Considering all the positive interaction you have with your H., I’d say you are one of the LBS’s that has a much better chance of reconciling. Keep going!!
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
Today's update... No contact from H yesterday. He called today around noon -left a message regarding my visit for this weekend. Didn't call him back. He called again...i answered (of course...so hard not to). Spoke briefly. He wanted to know how i was feeling, and about the visit. Getting off the phone, he said "okay, i'll talk to you soon and see you on sunday." I don't get it. It is better in the fact that he used to avoid me when i was visiting. But, i don't think he thinks thats any better. I hate this..the second guessing and the wondering...totally sucks. But, this is how it goes...every time i think, okay, this is it...he is pulling back now...he starts acting more interested and makes more contact. I just don't know what to do. Just feeling very sad again today, and i don't know why. Guess i am just missing him a lot these past few days. And wishing that things could be different...but, wishes don't always come true, now do they?
It seems as if we all are hitting a point where we're really missing our WASs more than average. And I know how you feel about your H pulling away and then coming closer. So confusing. Mine seems to do the same thing. I've been trying so hard to give my H his space but god it sucks!
At least my sister is coming to visit this weekend to help me get into trouble.
So you're going to see your H on Sunday. I thought you were going to meet up with Hope and Sassy for some brunch or no? I hear there's going to be whips involved.
It's supposed to get a bit warmer tomorrow too so maybe that will lift your spirits a bit. I've often wondered if I would have handled my M problems better if they were in another season--I've always had a bit of that seasonal disorder.
First a hug, because you are so blue. Second, I'm sorry you may not make it to brunch because you have your visit that day. It would be so great to meet you. I think I know what is happening to you and I have a suggestion although it is probably something you don't want to hear. Do you have to make these weekly visits to your house? If you do, is it possible that you stop going over there when you know your H. is home? I think the constant seeing him followed by a week of phone tag is doing a big number on you. When my H. stopped coming by as often, at first I was broken. I felt shattered inside, like I knew I'd really lost him for good. I am sure my posts reflected this. But gradually I have started to heal inside very slowly, and now I find myself not even wanting to see him. [I actually avoided coming home tonight because I thought he might stop over to get his mail.] I think you have to break this cycle. It is not doing you any good. I know you have your kitties to consider, and believe me you are speaking to the world's biggest animal lover right here. I know how much you miss them. You should still see them, but I would change it up and go if you know your H. will not be there. You need to see him LESS, believe it or not. Once you do that, you will get some of your strength back, I promise you. But you have to get over the initial hump which is very painful because you're forcing yourself to let go. Post back and let me know how you feel about this, ok? I am honestly just trying to help you in any way I can. I never would have wanted to avoid my H., but he forced me into this position when he chose to stop coming by, and I've felt a difference for the better about myself as time has gone on. I will check back later to see what you think. Still try to come Sunday if you can!!!!!
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
my sitch:
http://www.divorcebusting.com/ubbthreads/showthreaded.php?Number=1062755
http://www.divorcebusting.com/ubbthreads/showthreaded.php?Number=1065085
And thank you for your feedback. You are right, in that it would be a lot easier for me if i didn't see my H every week. Thing is, i never know if he is going to be there or not...it is usually a mystery. Usually, i do try to plan the visit for when he is NOT going to be there. Sometimes, though, he throws me a curve and is either home when i get there, or comes home while i am still there. This is VERY different than a few months ago when i would get there after he left and leave before he got home, as that is how he wanted it. The past few months he hasn't been avoiding me as much.
I am just feeling so sad the past few days. I was talking to my aunt last night (not the one i live with) and she was telling me how unhealthy this whole thing is, and how i should really try to find out for sure if there is an ow and then confront him about it with absolute proof. I know she is right...she thinks that if i force his hand, he might make the decision to be with me. But, actually getting the proof is the hard part. I would either have to follow him myself and see it with my own 2 eyes (very painful) or have someone follow him. I don't know which would be worse on me emotionally.
No contact from my H today. I thought about driving by the ow's house, but i am not ready to deal with that. More nightmares last night about the 2 of them.
I just don't know what to do anymore. The limbo is exhausting. The loneliness is overwhelming. The sadness is excruciating. I just wish my H would make a decision.
Well, sorry for that very depressing post....just feeling very lousy tonight.
Hope - I really do want to meet you and Sassy, but i think it will be crazy for me tomorrow. As you know, it is my visit with my cats, and i look forward to that all week, whether my H is there or not. You and I aren't too far from each other...perhaps we can plan another time? Have a wonderful time tomorrow...tell Sassy i said "hi" - sorry i can't make it.
I'm sorry you can't make it, but you and I really should try to meet up another day. Imdi, I'm very sorry you are so upset; I understand how you feel.
Quote: I just don't know what to do anymore. The limbo is exhausting. The loneliness is overwhelming. The sadness is excruciating. I just wish my H would make a decision.
I know it. I do, too. It's very frustrating, isn't it? I hope you have a very nice visit tomorrow, and if he is home, I hope it goes well. Post and let us know. hugs, Hope
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
