You sound better. I know you are still on the ride, and for that I am sad. As you point out, you will have decisions to make still. There may indeed be places where you and your W's path crosses and she may see that being with you is better than without. It is up to you to be there, at that moment, and make the decision that is right for you. She no longer makes those decisions for you. You have done your part to address things in YOU that needed work. It's now up to her, via this process, to realize that there are changes she will need to make before you ever give her the chance to see you for who you have become. I know you will be strong. In times you don't feel strong, look up, or post here. Someone will put a hand under your shoulder and help you back back up. I want the best for you, as I know you do.
Vince i feel for you! Sorry I just read your post and I am sad to hear the outcome, but glad you feel better about yourself, and you are opening a new chapter in your life. You are one of us and we all learn from each other so I am glad to hear you are staying on board!
Tim
my story http://www.divorcebusting.com/ubbthreads/showflat.php?Cat=&Number=1049617&page=&view=&sb=5&o=&fpart=1&vc=1
Thank all of you for the support...Today I am still happy with my decision. However, it does not make it any less painful...it is what "I" had to do for myself and my sitch...If she was at home I maybe could have lasted longer (maybe) or if we had children, for sure. But I'm 37 years old and have no children and really want that to be a part of my life and W is just not interested in that right now much less a R or M. She said last night that OM was in the "right place at the right time" and that was it..."he is comfortable" So I said that he is the easy way out...W said that she knows that it would take a lot of energy in her finding and new job (OM/co-worder) and to work on the M and she just doesn't thing that she has it in her...I agree. She still does not understand the real quality things in life are achieved by earning them...not just given to them. What happens when there is no one else to give? She will be very lonly.
As we all are coming to know, our self awareness and knowledge of how liberating it can, or will be, does not translate to our W's. They have to get there on their own. For her sake, I hope she does. I bet deep down, you do too. Wanting happiness for others is a part of achieving it for ourselves, I think. You'll be ok, and hope you stay in that place of peace you're at with your decision.
Vince I really don't know what to say. So I will wrap my arms around you and give you a big hug. So so sorry. Please know that we will be here for you every step of the way. I'm going to hold positive thoughts that something may change here.
But I'm 37 years old and have no children and really want that to be a part of my life and W is just not interested in that right now much less a R or M. Vince, I so hear you on this. We are about the same age; I also have no children, and my WAH is not trying to work on our marriage, either. Time is ticking away and I am beginning to feel that I'm wasting it. I wish you much happiness. You will find it, I am certain. Hugs, Hope
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
VINCES, I encourage you to keep posting your journey as I need to keep posting mine - for myself and for others.My Story
Looks like we are both moving onto the D rollercoaster. I'm not sure where it will end but I know we will be in a better place, feel better about ourselves and will be better people for going through it. I have to believe that.
Let us know if you change forums. I'll be moving soon over to 'Divorced, But Not "Done"'
Just an update. no call from W professing her love for me and saying she doesn't want the D...I know, I know, but I could always wish.
really though, I am still content with my decision but it still hurts...but kinda different hurt. Less anger and more sorrow.
I am writing a 2 pager to W in an e-mail just saying how sorry I am that it didn't work out for us and some feelings that I had...I also wanted her to know that I was willing to overcome the A, to learn from it, and make our M everything we could be proud of. I also put in there that she is going to see a side of me in this D that she will not recognize and that is what I feel when looking at her right now.
It's kinda mushy...but it got a lot of things off my chest without being confrontational. I tried to create a safe envionment if she changed her mind.
So do I send it tonight?...W knows I meet with L tommorrow. Any thoughts?
IMHO, I wouldn't send it tonight for a variety of reasons. I don't want to sound negative, but if you do, she is only going to see it as another attempt by you to sway her. That may NOT be your intent, but it will likely come across as that way. I would write the letter, file it away and save it for a day when you're both removed from the sitch a bit further. Think of it this way, what do you really hope/want/see happening by sending her the e-mail? Do you have an expectation of her reaction formed in your mind? Even if you don't what do you think, expect her reaction to be? If she doesn't ultimately respond, will you be affected?
I really wish things could work out better for you, but I understand what you are going through. Good luck in whatever decision you follow.
"Achieve success, but without vanity; Achieve success, but without aggression; Achieve success, but without gain; Achieve success, but without force." Lao Tzu
