I have heard a lot on here that some don't like to initiate anymore because they want/need to feel desirable. They are tired of doing all the chasing. Some have stated they are just simply tired of the rejection. Or that the rejection just causes them to have more resentment. Both are perfectly understandable reasons.
But I was curious have some here stopped initiating all together or not as often? Was just wondering about this because I did initiate both nights this weekend and was successful both nights. It got me to thinking if I hadn't then nothing probably would have happened. But he did respond, he did have an erection and he was enthusiastic sat. night even though I had woke him up out of a sleep. I just got to thinking about this today, lol, that he must have found me desirable to have responded the way he did.
It also got me to thinking if maybe we all couldn't be having more sex if we initiated more or became less timid about it. What do you guys think about this?
I don't initiate as often. I still do it when I really am in the mood, but now my H understands that I am simply not willing to do this everytime and is trying to step up more often. I've had to alter my perception of initiate though, because now I've noticed that with my LDH, a form of initiation for him is that he expresses interest in ML later that night earlier in the day. Now, this is not my idea of initiation...but it's a step in the right direction.
Cally, I am just now getting over my distaste of routinely initiating. Prior to this, I considered it an attack on my desirability. Something like: If I was desirable, I wouldn't have to do this.
Others told me differently, but I don't know if I was too stubborn to listen, or if I just had to go through the entire process...the whole evolution...in order to see what they were saying.
I was experimenting myself this weekend, cally, and I found that if I merely massaged my H's upper body he became aroused. I used to (insert embarrassed voice here) sit back a lot and wait for him to come to me. I would *always* reciprocate but I would not make the first move. It didn't feel 'womanly' to me. Now it does.
I could list all these logical reasons for why this is so, but honestly I think I just needed to go through the entire process and learn it the hard way.
I felt very powerful this weekend. As I massaged him, he became aroused and I was very aware of my impact on him. I can't explain it but in the past, this would have been exactly the opposite. I would have felt diminished by 'having' to touch him first, of him not being turned on simply because an attractive chick was next to him.
I think I'm finally gettin it! In more ways than one, lol.
Currently, I have gone through December and January with no sex. I have tried initiating a few times, but this usually results in my wife relaxing and falling asleep (in effect, a form of rejection). I am not trying to hard anymore. However, this is about MORE then just having sex, this is about how you TREAT your spouse 24/7. If you don't desire your spouse (i.e. you never initiate, you never desire first) then there are going to be issues all THROUGH the marriage.
Cemar....maybe your intitiating style is to relaxing to her if she falls asleep?? I know there have been times I was really sleepy and my husband would initiate so sweetly like gentle touches all over my body. It just felt so good and comforting that I would fall asleep to. I wasn't rejecting him really. It just relaxed me to much. Now when, and this is most of the time, he initiates in a much more aggresive kind of way I wouldn't and couldn't fall alseep. Just a suggestion.
Unfortunately, many of the touches that can arrouse will aslo relax. So sometimes I am lucky and I arrouse her before she gets TOO relaxed. Now the other touches, like kissing, or snuggling, or any physical touching that might start arrousal are not available to me, she does not like thoses things. These books have suggestions for how to arrouse a women outside the bedroom, but these options are limited when the women does not like kissing and touching. Kind of a catch 22.
I really believe that there are a whole lot of women that just want companions in their lives, being lovers is NOT important, and is even not desired.
Cemar maybe if she is LD she thinks those things have to lead to having sex everytime. Maybe if you could express to her you do these things to show love and it doesn't mean it HAS to lead to sex it may lighten her up to it. Baby steps.
What are the things she does seem to like? Could it be she likes compliments. I know a nice compliment can go far. What ways does your wife show you that she loves you?
If those touches are relaxing though Cemar I would start going for the more aggresive initiation. Have you ever tried to be aggresive? I know for me as a woman it can be real turn on.
She probably thinks that it will lead to sex everytime, when in reality everytime is in actuallity 5-10 times a year.
As for her love language, the closest I can figure is AOS. To her, life is about doing as many things as possible. She seems to get pleasure from all kinds of activites (except of course anything remotely sexual). She also seems to like material things and being financially secure.
AS for love, neither of us is "In Love". I would like to return us there, but it is a mountain to climb.
As for agressive, I think she like agressiveness AFTER consenting, but to agressively TAKE her, probably not. I believe that she was sexually assaulted as a teen by her stepfather. She claims it was nothing, but there have been times when I have sat down on the bed and literally she wakes up partially and almost freaks out, she tries to get as far from me as possible in the bed. When she does fully wake up she will calm down, but I do think this behavior is strange (and I have NEVER harmed her in anyway).
You just gave us more insight as far as your W is concerned and your R with her. These little droplets of information just make me even that much more convinced.....you two need to see a professional.
If your W exhibits behaviors like this....even it it's just occasionally, there's a very high likelihood that much more is going on with her just under the surface. Don't you want to help her get past that? Surely you can see how a C can help with stuff like this.
It got me to thinking if I hadn't then nothing probably would have happened. But he did respond, he did have an erection and he was enthusiastic sat. night even though I had woke him up out of a sleep. I just got to thinking about this today, lol, that he must have found me desirable to have responded the way he did.
I know there have been times I was really sleepy and my husband would initiate so sweetly like gentle touches all over my body. It just felt so good and comforting that I would fall asleep to. I wasn't rejecting him really. It just relaxed me to much. Now when, and this is most of the time, he initiates in a much more aggresive kind of way I wouldn't and couldn't fall alseep. 
Just a suggestion.