Thanks for the idea. I kind of had the same thought of hiding them where he would see them at work or whatever too, just haven't had the opportunity to do that.
I have to admit I tend to react badly to the hurt and "humiliation" of his alternate sources of enticement. I use quotes because let's face it, even though almost every wife who has ever gone through this has claimed that emotion, it is a private problem not public. I think we all misinterpret our emotions from time to time.
I believe that I am reacting incorrectly because I get hurt, I get emotional, and I turn off. I let the images in my head prevent me from being naked in front of him. Like I said, I am rather slim and am not far from what those girls look like. There are differences yes, I have cellulite they don't, and I have "mother" boobs. Not young perky 18 yr old ones.
Unfortunately when I let the fear get to me and turn off, I am forcing him to turn to those sources of stimulation more. Which of course hurts me again, and so the cycle continues.
So I tried a different tactic last night. He had gone to his dad's for the weekend had to move some stuff. He had a very long exhausting and physically tiring weekend. And he has to work 6 days straight this week, so the outlook for sex is slim. But rather than just letting that happen and settling for the same ol' same ol', I spiced it up.
He was laying down watchig the Blazers in bed when I took a shower. After my shower I stepped in (still naked)real quick to get a pair of undies, and he smiled and commented. So I put on my sexy sparkly bra that he bought me, a thong and some sexy perfume.
I went right back into the bedroom, pulled down the blankets and proceeded to give him a BJ. He was definitely "blown" away. He even said thank you afterwards and laughingly asked how much he owed me. It was perfect.
I am going to try my best to continue to do things like this from time to time. I read that in a SSM, as the HD, you have to not be hurt by the fact that you are mostly the one initiating. I can't just lay back and wait for him to come to me. Just because he doesn't share my energy level, doesn't mean he doesn't like it.
Good for you! You did great. It is difficult not to get wound up in your hurt feelings and shut down...but like you said, that's a vicious cycle...so sometimes you have to conciously break that cycle. What you did was perfect.
Now...from time-to-time you might just try strutting around in the stuff you know he likes, but don't do anything necessarily....see if he'll come to you. He was obviously appreciative of you physically, and if you feel like following-through, do so....but one of these times just see if he follows through without you having to do anything else We already know he is a visual person since he uses websites etc.
We already know he is a visual person since he uses websites etc.