Okay, the link to my sitch is above. I really am at a loss for what to do. She really wants to have her cake and eat it too, but I struggle with allowing her to see OM while keeping the stability of our home intact. But should I? Is it the right thing to do? I guess she's going to see him with or without my blessing, but I'm just really messed up right now. To much up and down emotionally.
I really think I need to seek out a counselor, but I want to be sure that its someone that is more geared towards saving a marriage rather than giving it up. Any suggestions on how I find such a person? This is the first time in my life that I've ever thought of seeking outside help and I don't know what to do. Thanks for any suggestions.
"Achieve success, but without vanity; Achieve success, but without aggression; Achieve success, but without gain; Achieve success, but without force." Lao Tzu
I'm in the same boat as you my friend. I read your stitch and feel your pain. I also feel the need to get counciling, for the first time also, and have made an appointment. As far as seeing the right one you have to ask them questions and get as much info on them. Thats what I did. Go down the phonebook and call. I'm hoping to get my head straight and make the changes I need to make permament. Also have you read DR, I think she talks about things to ask the counselor and what to expect from a good one.
I can't believe how similar everyone is in their ssitch! I am 34 2 kids 2 and 4 yrs married 8 seeing each othe for 14 Bakc to the councilor! I have used the phone in councilor from this web-site, and I find it helpful! Recommend it! I also have our marriage councilor in the city which we live, but my W saw her before my reconciliation so I may see someone else so my W does not feel ganged up on! Try the phone in, it is worth the investment!
Tim
my story http://www.divorcebusting.com/ubbthreads/showflat.php?Cat=&Number=1049617&page=&view=&sb=5&o=&fpart=1&vc=1
Maybe I'm naive, but I don't want a counselor that's going to look at my sitch and say that we both have "unfulfilled" destinies or some other such rot and that we'd be better off just giving up. I want someone who can offer solutions instead. I guess its time to start researching!
"Achieve success, but without vanity; Achieve success, but without aggression; Achieve success, but without gain; Achieve success, but without force." Lao Tzu
I am seeing a therapist for the first time ever and it's pretty good, even if it's just to have someone to talk to. I don't know if I am getting anything much out of it. I have only gone twice so far. I will update my sitch including my visit to the shrink today...tomorrow. I would say it is truly worth it. It makes you feel really active in improving yourself. Reading and posting are one thing but taking the step to get some real expert (hopefully) advice from a live person able to look into your eyes, and read your body language is priceless. Really, it's almost like going to a psychic (which I've never done but can imagine) because you tell this person a little about yourself and she starts telling you more about you than even you were aware of. My only real issue is that so far there is no structure to my sessions. We just talk. There has been no discussion of goals or exercises, or solutions for that matter. Like I said, it's truly worth it for some things and maybe not so good for others.
