Can anyone make anything of this? I'm confused

[Boss Hawg]

Hello All,

I need advice from any DBer's that know about this sitch. A short history of us. I'll spare the details.
M 34
W 33
M 9 1/2 years together 17 years
No children
Separated Oct 20 2006
D filed last Friday

Ok so W amended separation to D this past Friday. She said she did this because I made her mad. Sounds like an excuse to me. Anyway, I think there is EA or PA but have no proof.

My question is she called me this afternoon to tell me something. When I could tell we were almost through talking I asked her how she was doing. She said ok and I asked if she was sure she wanted to do this. She responds she doesn't know but doesn't want M to be like it was. She is very confused and has been since the separation. I figured she just confused b/c she just filed but after talking for a while I really believe she is confused. Did I mention she abuses prescription drugs? That probably has a lot to do with it too. All she says is she guesses she wants to be alone. Who wants to live alone? She doesn't have many friends. It seem that she is depressed and has been for a long time. Possibly a year. I've accepted the D but deep down don't want one. I don't know what I should do. I was thinking of writing a letter to her giving he options on what we could do to salvage the M. I was thinking of asking her to visit with a pastor at my church which I started going to after the separation. I know from the DB'in books that we're supposed to leave them alone but since the separation I've had barely any contact. So she hasn't seen any of the changes I've made.

I feel like I actually have an opportunity to do something. This is the first sign she shown me at all. Or is it? Is she just confused b/c of the sitch? Should I sit back like I have and watch my M end. I did give her space and that didn't work at all.

Any advice from someone is much appreciated. I want to work this out.

[Just_Me]

Positive,

I know the feeling. I know you want to help her through her morass. I know that you want to give her a little shove in the right direction and maybe things will change.

I think you have to squash the urge to suggest ways she can "fix" herself. My opinion is now is the time to listen, be sympathetic, be supportive, and not make any suggestions about what she should or should not do. She may be making a hasty decision, an incorrect choice, but it's hers to make and you may be the only one in her life that she can lean on. Just be a friend for now without any stake in the decision. She needs to work through her issues and it would be in your best interest to be seen as a support.

[She_Left_Me]

Remeber, a D is just a piece of paper. From personal experience, I would not write that letter, OR try to fix her or the situation. It will most likely backfire. As suggested - LISTEN. She must make these decisions for herself.

I know this is hard for you. My XW said something similar " I want to be on my own ". Well, she got it, loved it at first, but now admits it isn't what she wants. She still doesn't know what she wants

Back to you. Don't push her for answers, she will feel backed into a corner. If she wants a D then do it. You can not ratonalize with her at this point. You are the enemy in her eyes. If you can, and be fair to yourself, do whatever she asks, and don't question if she is "sure" she wants this. Allow her to initiate the D process - if that is what she wants. You are not giving up, you are detaching and meeting her with love.

Any others have some input here?