Right now it isnt on my mind at all. If OM thought he was possibly the father he would have demanded a test. I know that I am, and you are right, if I was proven not to be, would I leave my son's life...never!
Sorry NOPkins, don't mean to sound argumentative but I feel pretty strongly against testing... in a situation such as Surviving's.
Every man has a right to know his offspring, just like a woman does. Of course, agreed.
Every child has a right to know its parentage for obvious reasons, health not being the least of those. Definitely! But, is there a health concern in this situation?
I recommend that Maternal testing be done as well. Hospitals make mistakes. Those mistakes are NOT rare. Hmmm... was the baby born vaginally? If so, he/she was seen and easily recognized afterwards as being Surviving_jr.
The biological father has rights. The father footing the bills has rights. The mother has rights. The child has rights. Agreed. However, should the OM be the father... how do you, Surviving, feel about his rights to Surviving_Jr, knowing his morals and values?
I'm not trying to tell you what to do. I just hope you give it alot of consideration. DNA testing can't be undone. Ignorance is bliss sometimes.
Edited to add: I was going to mention that depending on the OM's intentions, he might have pursued testing. I just didn't want to make any presumptions.
I don't believe that ignorance is bliss. I think that knowledge allows adults to make informed decisions.
All the best, -NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
dori said: ----------------------------- NOPkins, this type of knowledge has the potential for adults to make poor decisions based on emotions. It also has huge potential for pain. -----------------------------
Adults make poor decisions all the time, such as a woman lying about the real father of a child. All decisions, all actions, life, all have the potential to produce pain.
I will take my pain well informed, thank you very much.
-NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
The way I see this point is the following. I once saw a TV show in which the teacher set out to trick the students. He started by asking "How many do you think lying is wrong" and all the students raised their hand. He then said "you see your best friend in the hallway with a new hairstyle that looks awful, she asks you how does she look, how do you respond?" One of the students says "tell her she looks fine", and then the teacher goes off on some diatribe about nothing is black and white, everything is gray.
I was really disappointed in that scene. Think about it, by lying to protect your friends feelings, you have set her up for ridicule. Instead, if you had told the truth, in as nice a way as possible of course, she might have been able to do something to prevent the ridicule. Granted, ridiculing someone about their hairstyle is stupid, but do you see the point?
Am I making a point?
Who knows?
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
I have to side with NOP. As the “father” of an adopted child of unknown parentage, I can attest that there are issues. You may say that there are no health issues, but there are. For the rest of the child’s life doctors will ask about family health issues. Does heart disease run in your family? Is there any diabetes on either side of your family? Has any close relative been diagnosed with various types of cancer? If you don’t know the real father (or in my case either parent), you simply can’t answer those questions. Life goes on without those answers, but if they weren’t important, doctors wouldn’t keep asking.
You should also consider the child years from now. If you were to find out now that your father wasn’t really your father, how would you feel? Deceived? Lied to? I would. It wouldn’t change the feelings I have for the father who raised me, but I would wonder why I was never told the truth.
Just one man’s opinion and worth every penny you paid for it.
Well I am in a toss up of which is the right and wronge. Logically I say a parent has the right to know Emotionally I can see how it can become a painful issue.
I would start off with telling your wife you are thinking about having the test done. Gauge her response. If she makes to much of a fuss or says what a waste and time and money it would be in a trying to convince you not to do this mannor. I would further consider actually doing the test.
Surviving, the reason I asked if she was afraid of getting pregnant again is because apart from feeling guilty over the affair, etc., she may be avoiding any intimacy with you as a means of self-protection. Her "wall" might be just that simple. Were your children planned or surprises?
You said she came back because she couldn't stand being away from the kids. What are her intentions with you? What is she doing to repair the marriage?
She is doing almost nothing to repair the marriage. She says she wants to but no actions follow. All of my children were planned so I dont think that is the reason she wont be intimate.
I am still not sure about the test. It has never really been as issue for me, especially the last 6 months. But now you all have me thinking, which I guess is the point of these boards. Thanks for the advice.
