need advice from the board...Does validating the spouses behavior with OM help the sits...meaning, understanding why the affair happened in the first place and knowing it was because she was not getting a certain thing from me she needed...anyone?
Does validating the spouses behavior with OM help the sits...meaning, understanding why the affair happened in the first place and knowing it was because she was not getting a certain thing from me she needed
Validating that she didn't feel she was getting a "certain thing" from you that she needed, absolutely yes.
Validating her having an affair because of that, hmmm... since "validation" is not about condoning nor having to be in agreement, but rather, seeing things from the other's perspective and understanding where they're coming from, whether one agrees or not, then the answer is "yes". After all, she had her reasons, be they right or wrong. And one of the purposes of validating another is to create unity, by having the other feel that they're being understood, instead of division, and right now unity is what I assume you wish to create. Discussions about the A being not the way to handle her issues is better left for a better time when it's warranted and can be handled constructively.
Vince, if you start to propagate threads having multiple ones open at the same time, it becomes increasingly difficult for others to read up on your sitch so as to know where you're at, what you've done, so as to comment. I understand that this thread was for the purpose of one question, but even then, I can't help but think that knowing your sitch would help others fine tune their answer specific to you, which may be more helpful.
NYS, You are wise and I always appreciate your posts...I want to continue the same thread but I'm confused how...do I just keep replying onto the same thread?
