I am sooooo glad I found this website as soon as I did. I only cried for 2 days when H broke my heart. That was 2 weeks ago and I am pretty sure he melting like butter already.
I have completely changed my attitude and I feel like a new person. I wake up in the morning and look forward to my day. (It has been a long time since that happened.) I was a bottomless pit of needs before - no wonder H wanted out.
Now, I don't want to speak too soon, but I feel like we have a really really good shot at staying together. I know H is waiting for the old me to return and blow up at him but I don't see that coming at all. The amazing part is that all that stuff I used to nag him about? Well, since I have not spoken one word of direction to him he has jumped in and is doing all of it with out me saying a word.
This is what I have done:
1. Started anti-depressants. I feel completely different physically and mentally. (DUH)
2. Detached myself from him. I still love him - but I am not in charge of him at all. He gets to do whatever the heck he wants!! Including falling asleep on the couch, napping right before dinner, etc etc etc. I do not need to worry about when he calls his mother or what he is going to get his father for Christmas. He is a big grown up man that does not belong to me or work for me. I also don't have to know his every thought or every opinion. It is OK if we don't talk constantly.
I found out by the way that once I started treating him with this detachment that I am even more attracted to him because he seems like much more of a man to me.
3. I am pleasant to be around. He thinks I am acting, but I am not. (This new attitude was made possible by the anti-depressants.)
4. I am acting like a woman now. No more bitching, nagging, yelling, etc. Last night I flirted with him. We flirted with each other - so cool. In fact, last night I came on to him and while he didn't resist he did remain kind of "still" for a few minutes until he couldn't stand it anymore. We had great sex. I know he was waiting for me to bring up OR after that - or have some big serious discussion - or even worse cry. (I used to do this after sex for reasons I cannot explain now). But there was none of that. A smile on my face, a lingering look, and I was off to see what one of the kids wanted.
I have no idea really if H is reconsidering but ofcourse he is. If he really wanted to be gone he would be. Getting a divorce would be a royal pain in the *ss. And it would break our kids hearts. He was very set on the idea - but I am sure he is losing interest as I am transforming back into the woman he fell in love with right before his eyes.
I am never bringing it up. I imagine some day he will bring it up - one way or the other - but I am not. I am also not taking it all for granted anymore. It is a given that we both want our marriage to work - we don't need to profess our commitment to each other constantly. I don't need to "know" that he will never leave me - I need to be the person that he doesn't want to leave. (This is the real me, and the person I want to be.)
I don't know if H has changed his mind, but I know that we are enjoying each other's company like we haven't been able to in a long time.
And here's the biggest thing: We both feel a lot better about ourselves. He is much more interesting when I don't know his every thought and haven't dictated his every move. Much more attractive.
I am way cooler now that I have let go of controlling every aspect of my life. Life will take care of itself. I am enjoying each day today, instead of trying to build a perfect memory or whatever the heck I was trying to do.
I don't know if H is staying permanently. And I will be so sad if he leaves.
But today, no one is leaving and I am feeling good!
I think maybe this sounds preachy. But I want you guys to know that I was absolutely devastated, wanted to die only 2 weeks ago. And H looked at me with disgust almost.
