I have recovered from infidelity too late

[em134]

10 or so years ago H cheated on me. He had several (or maybe lots) of one night stands. We were young and he was a little messed up in the head. Well, he finally got caught and we worked hard to stay married. He promised me 4000 times he was not going to cheat on me again, he went to counseling and I totally believe that he changed that part of his character.

Logically, I forgave him. I wanted to stay with him, we already had baby #1, so I tried hard to work it out.

Well, we stayed married.

But, I brought that part of his life up over and over for the last 10 years. I could not get over it, every time something bad happened I felt cheated out of a good husband. I used to tell him - you never loved me. Etc. etc. etc.

Finally finally finally, I found a very good therapist and this therapist treated the ordeal like a trauma. I had been to many therapists before and no one could help me get over this permanently. So this new guy finally decided I had post tramatic stress, and treated me accordingly.

Finally I am free of the rage, resentment, shame, etc. etc. I finally truly forgive him. In fact, I don't even care about that anymore, we were two different people.

Unfortunately - it may be too late. Although I finally was treated effectively, H is worn down from reliving his mistakes over and over and over. I don't know if he has any love left for me. I think I sucked it all out of him - I was a bottomless pit of need.

So - my advice to those of you on this board - if you are able to save your marriage you have to figure out how to forgive your spouse. Some people can do this easier than others. I had a very very hard time, and I needed help. In fact, I needed trauma treatment.

We both lived with it for 10 years. That was just another really stupid thing that I did.

I wish better for you all.

[hopefloats7]

I just wanted to say thank you for sharing that with us. Hopefully I will need your advice.

[PandaWanda]

Unfortunately - it may be too late. Although I finally was treated effectively, H is worn down from reliving his mistakes over and over and over. I don't know if he has any love left for me. I think I sucked it all out of him - I was a bottomless pit of need.

Thank you for sharing - wishing you all my best. Remember that everything is possible, especially in h is not in love with anyone else, he might fall in love with you again! Human potential is unlimited. Someone once said tha we can so much that we don't enough imagination to imagine how much....