I'm just left in the dark on this. I have to hear it from the lady that works at the nail place?
I'm sorry that you had to hear the news from your nail lady. IMO there are a couple of reasons that come to mind as to why she didn't tell you, and this is based on my experience. I was a WAS to my first husband (of 8 years) and married OM, which is now my second husband of 12 years.
1) Feels that is none of your business.
2) Too embarassed to tell you because maybe things aren't as rosy as things appear to be but she feels she has to follow through with this (made her bed and now she has to lie in it). She has to prove to you and to herself that she made the right decision in leaving you.
I lived with second/current H for two years before we got married. We fought a lot during those two years and I always stayed with him not becuase I loved him but because I was ashamed what I did to my first H, leaving him for another man, and by God I was going to make it work whether I wanted husband #2 or not.
I think to show her you are the better person, I would say with a smile on my face "Congrats on your nuptials to OM back in August." I wouldn't even tell her how you found out.
M:43 H:37 D14 (ours) D18 (mine) S22 (mine) S18 (his) S: 10/2004 Bomb: 2/15/05 In/out of home Living with OW #4 Talks of D for 2-1/2 years
"The rumors of my death have been greatly exaggerated" --Mark Twain
Kim, Beth, Al, flaneur, Michelle, kdk and Lisa,
Thanks for the words of encouragement and concern. The good news: I AM FINE. Here's the thing, this new position that I was promoted into on the first has been taking up almost all of my time. Between the job and the Gym 6 nights a week, I haven't had time to cruise threads let alone post!
The job is great. My partner (there are two of us in this new position) and I are on pace to increase the numbers over last January by 77%. This in the first month and not even being organized yet. We're basically flying by the seat of our pants. And since my pay plan is based on last year's numbers, increases like that are NIIIIIIIIIICE!
So when I left off, I said I was going to talk about the whole XW-getting-married deal with D13. I did that on the Wednesday night that she came for her week with me (1/11). She basically said that she wasn't keeping it from me because she was told to. She just felt that that was something that her Mom should tell me. I understood. Here's the part that doesn't piss me off, it just shows how screwed up XW's priorities are:
Me: So when did you know? D13: Well, she picked me up here that Wednesday (to take her back to the Condo) and in the car she said, "I've got kind of a surprise for you". I said, "What?". She said, "OP and I got married this weekend". Me: Wow, um, OK. (and left it at that)
She was a bit teary during this but not overtly crying. I just reassured her that it was OK. Later we talked a little more and I found out that basically the two of them drove up to Vegas on their own, I believe it was August 13th. Keep in mind that his Divorce was final on August 10 (for Christ's sake, the ink on the paper wasn't even dry!!), and strangely enough OUR anninversary was August 16!!
So, XW goes and gets married to this guy not just without her only child BUT without even telling her (the most important person in her life??). More proof of the f***ed up mind of the WAS I guess.
More tidbits from the last two weeks...
XW picked up D13 at my house Wednesday to take her back to the condo before I got home. As I pull into the garage, I see a piece of paper from a yellow legal pad taped to the door that goes into the house. This is on it in Magic Marker:
Hey pops! Ha! Ha! Ohhhh man, I crack myself up. Well, anyways, I hope you had a super fun day at work!! I will miss you and I love you!! See you next Wednesday!! xoxo, D13
What a kid, huh????!!!!
Also, I was at the nail place yesterday again, and as I come out and walk to my Envoy, I notice XW's Maxima parked right next to me on the right. As I get in the truck, I'm thinking "What an idiot. Of all the parking spots in this shopping center she has to park next to me?" So I start to back out of the space and here she comes up the row to her car with a cart overflowing with groceries. (After all this is the weekend that douchebag has his kids so all 5 of them are over there in the Condo). She looks up quickly and sees that it's me (I'm seeing this out of the corner of my eye as I'm also watching for other cars) and she quickly looks down into her groceries. It's almost like she was embarrassed to be seen by me. So be it. I just think about what the DB book says about the excitement and fantasy wearing off. Not very exciting going to the grocery store on a Saturday afternoon alone. Where was OP and the 3 kids? Sounds pretty mundane to me.
Last night after I got done at the gym, I went and had dinner at California Pizza Kitchen by myself. Not exactly my idea of fun but at least I was out of the house.
Anyway, just wanted to update everyone. I think I'm going to be on here less and less not because of anything but I just don't have the time I used to have. I hope everyone has a great rest of their Sunday and until later...
WHOA there...EX went and got married and didn't tell her daughter until after the fact. HELLO...yes, in agreement with you on this one...just kinda goes to show the selfishness. Your daughter is old enough to be told these sort of things, she needs to be told this sort of stuff, especially when her life is affected by it. Oh good grief DMF, the world never ceases to amaze me. Okay, I am going to try and give her the "we wanted a small private cermony" excuse, but NOT tell daughter....oh my!! This really doesn't do much for teaching daughter how to trust people.
LOL, parking her car next to yours...what a goose...sometimes I wonder WTF they ARE thinking, no, sorry I forgot sometimes they don't think. Dave does it all the time when he's at work. Of all the 6 spots he has to park next to me. Like what dude, now I'm protecting your car or something?
Love the note she left you...she is priceless but of course you know this. She's so lucky to have someone sane in her life.
You are a busy bee! Glad to see the new business stuff is taking off - how exciting! Keep up those big increases and keep raking in the extra $$$!
Your D13 is one amazing young woman. You are both so lucky to have each other. I still can't believe your XW just ran off and got married without even telling her. That had to really hurt her big time. I'm glad that you were able to talk about it with her. I'm sure it was good for her to get rid of the "secret" and to be able to share it with you.
Are you off to the gym again? Watch out Gov Arnold!
WCB
God grant me the serenity,
to accept the things I cannot change,
To change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.
- Reinhold Niebuhr
I know I havent posted in ages, my life has certainly taken off in interesting ways. My D should be final soon, and finally the house has sold so I can move on. As you know, there is someone new in my life and I am getting to the stage where I realise how bad my marriage actually was. When my new partner does something thoughtful for me I am shocked. Like I said, I didnt realise how much I settled for second best with H. But luckily for me, no more!
Anyway just wanted to say how pleased I am that your business is taking off. Someone as lovely as you will not be left on the shelf for too long at all - you are soooo going to be snapped up!!! I hope you get to experience what I have, the true realisation that you are worth a hundred times more than you thought.
Your ex has made a huge mistake - she has no doubt alienated her family by doing what she did. I would say it will certainly be a case of marry at speed, repent at leisure. She is so not thinking straight and will live to regret her actions I am sure. I believe that what goes around comes around - and she has certainly got some things to come around that will truly slap her round the face. By the time that happens though, she wont have anyone to help her up as she will have alienated them all. But that is not your problem - just carry on being the fantastic Dad that you are.
Anyway honey - good luck, stay postive and know that there are far better things around the corner for you.
