Be calm and cool. You know him better than anyone. He sounds really confused and in need of space... overwhelmed.
Are you willing to ask him what you can do to keep him from going to his brother's? What does he want you to do? Why does he "need" to get away? You know it's easier to DB while he's at home, so it's up to you sweetheart.
Breathe. You've come such a long way baby! He's scared. He needs to let his anger and resentment out.
You know him better than anyone That's part of the problem, I do know him better and he let me get closer than anybody, and then I hurt him with my actions or lack thereof.
I'm trying my darndest to get him to stay. I told him about me sleeping in a different room. Part of his excuse too is that he needs his brother to give him a ride since he's without a car right now and he doesn't want to drive mine. My car, is really our car, his name is on it and he helps pay for it so there's no reason he can't continue to use it for whatever.
My H holds grudges. I believe forgivness is a choice but he doesn't see it that way or isn't willing to make the choice to forgive me for my past neglect.
I really don't feel like there is a happy ending here but I'm not giving up on my end quite yet.
No solo de pan vive el hombre
Y no de excusas vivo yo.
What if you simply give him the keys and tell him you don't need the car?
He can't hold a grudge against you forever. He'll realize this. It must hurt like hell, but you're strong Misty. Help him get his anger out... take advantage of the kids not being home, if you can.
Do you know if he has been back in contact with other woman? It would explain much of his behavior.
I understand that you may not be currently behaving as the perfect wife. However, he sure appears to be picking fights with you so that he can justify his actions. If he is at his brothers house, then contact becomes even easier.
Please do your best to backup from the drama, and have a thoroughly analytical look at your situation. From this outsiders perspective, the weird factor is way too high to be real.
All the best, -NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
He actually asked to use it on Tuesday. What that means, I don't know. He's been using it for the past month with no problems.
I wish I could take full advantage of the kids not being here but H is at his second job and plans on going to his dad's after that. Maybe he'll surprise me but I doubt it. So I'm going to lay down for a couple of hours and then get on the road. I have one positive, he did ask me to call him when I get to my hometown to let him know I got there. I probably won't call but I'll text him instead so I don't have to actually talk to him. One of these days, hopefully while we're still married, he's going to realize that I'm not the problem, it's him.
No solo de pan vive el hombre
Y no de excusas vivo yo.
It's very possible that's he has talked to X-OW on the phone but highly unlikely he's seen her in person since she's 4 hours away and we're together most of our free time. But I'm a sneaky snooper when it comes to stuff and I do a lot of checking up on him and I don't think he has.
Was I out of line in going to a different room to sleep? I was very angry and hurt but perhaps I should have supported him more instead of jumping the gun with my emotions. Quite honestly, I'm thinking about packing some stuff and my work and staying at my mom's for a couple of weeks so I can allow him space to miss me and do some thinking on my own.
Thanks for your advice, i do appreciate it.
Misty
No solo de pan vive el hombre
Y no de excusas vivo yo.
His rejection of you was venomous, but don't let him drive you away. I still suspect contact regardless of venue (phone, telegraph, IM, whatever). He seems to be picking fights. Time for you to learn to be a veritable duck's back and let the water roll off.
If you can handle it, get back in your bed. He can leave if he wants. That way he will clearly be making the choices, not you.
Don't let him goad you into becoming the scapegoat. He has to learn to clean up his own messes, not blame them on you. Picking fights in order to secure a venue for continued contact and/or blame for self-inflicted actions is the bane of the entangle spouse. Most of it will go away within a few contiguous weeks of non-contact.
If he tries to pick a fight, simply smile and walk off or choose whatever disarming behavior is appropriate for the situation.
I am sorry that he got to you and hurt you so badly.
In all honesty, until he stops contact, these events will continue.
All the best, -NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
Nops, you to learn to be a veritable duck's back and let the water roll off.
That's the problem, water can only roll off for so long before it begins to saturate and bog you down. Amazingly enough, when he pushes me to that breaking point, is when I start to see more positive actions from him. Especially when it's anger.
I am back in our bed now, because he asked me to.
Journaling:
On my last post, I indicated I was preparing to leave for my mom's for a day or two. I ended up going to Wal-Mart and then heading back home to get an hour or two of sleep before driving. Left very early the next morning. H had asked me to call when I arrived at my destination. It was still quite early so I sent him a text instead. Allowed S4 to call H a couple of hours later, he left a message. I went out with my 2 best girlfriends for lunch. We each had 1 drink and lunch and were there for almost 3 hours. It was so wonderful and therapuetic. We used to be inseperable but since our respective H's have entered our life, it's not the same between us. Anways, during this time H called at least 5 or 6 times. I didn't answer any of them until the last one. To heck with him, he knew I was safely at my destination and he also knew I had lunch with the girls planned! Well, when I did answer he just wanted to know when I'd be home so he could arrange rides to and from work. I'm honestly not quite that dumb and don't believe it. He just couldn't stand the idea of us girls talking about him
Once again, that night, he called and left a message to let him know when I was on my way home. I presumed for safety reasons so I left him another message to let him know when. We had previously planned on staying at his Dad's that night, to watch the ball drop, sleep in front of a fireplace and relax in the comfort of somebody else's home So I followed that plan. H talked to me a bit and even tucked me in on the couch when I was ready for bed. We got up the next morning and when he went to work I went shopping with his stepmom. He worked 5 hours came home for an hour and went back to work another 5 hours. In between that time, he had to pick me and the kids up and drop us off at home. What a grump, he just wouldn't keep his nasty mouth quiet and made the rest of us feel like crap. Here's where things start to change. About 15 minutes after he dropped us off, he called back and was all nicey-nice. Thanks for doing this and that, blah, blah, blah. Okay, whatever because I thought it would be back to the same-ole stuff when he got home later. It wasn't. He woke me up with a Frosty he brought home for me and took me downstairs to talk. We then went up upstairs and he worked on setting up a computer while I laid on a air mattress and talked to him. He said he'd had a long talk with his dad on Saturday and realized some things. We were intimate. Monday went very well, we spent 90% of the day together taking care of the kids and window shopping. Once again, more wonderful intimacy and he asked me back to our bed. Now, I must work hard on maintaining this bridge we've built. He's also asked the I look for some couple's groups so we can begin making friends with people in this new area and get out of the house together more. I'm not having much help in this area and I may have to look towards finding a church. I don't mind this at all and feel it's something we should have done long ago but H is pretty skeptical. He has issues with church.
So all in all, the weekend ended much better than it began!
No solo de pan vive el hombre
Y no de excusas vivo yo.
Wonderful Misty! I'm so glad to hear things are more positive. I was so worried that you were going to stay at your Mom's. Great job! If he's skeptical about Church, what about looking for mom groups? This is our same problem, we're both skeptical of Churches and I have a hard time meeting new friends. Sometimes the best way to meet moms is at playgrounds. Good luck!!
