Hey SS- Sorry that you are struggling right now. I am not sure what to say. My best suggestion is to not make any decisions or react in any way while you are feeling so emotional. Give yourself some time to absorb what is happening. After i moved out the first time, and then moved back home (on mutual agreement with my H), he freaked and then he left, all the while bitching and moaning about unfair i was being, yada yada. After a few days, he calmed down. I think they react to us taking a stand b/c they are not used to it. And they think throwing a tantrum will get what they want. My H said me not moving out again proved that i wasn't willing to work on the M...but a few weeks later, we were going out on dates. So, you just never know. So, try not to do anything while you are feeling so emotional.
I am considering sending an e-mail to my MIL as she has become the third person in my M. I'm not going to send it off right now but wait a little while to see if it still seems like a good idea.
I think it would be easier for me to leave our M if I honestly thought we had made an effort to work things out. We haven't been to counseling, we haven't sat down and really discussed how we can make each other happier or really done anything else toward repairing the damage to our M. As a result I'm left feeling that we're making a terrible mistake. I just wish he would give me another chance as I'm willing to forgive him after not one but two affairs.
Last night was my first night back in my apartment without my H. God it sucks. When I was single it never bothered me to be alone in my apartment but now it just feels weird and somehow makes me feel vulnerable all alone.
It doesn't help that for the past several months I have not been able to sleep. So many times I've found myself waking up thinking it must be almost 6 a.m. and time to get up and then find it is only 2 a.m.
Have been keeping up with your sit, but just been too busy too post.
It's hard; I know. When my H started sleeping in the basement, I had trouble sleeping in our bed for two weeks. Wasn't so much that I missed HIM.... but missed the security, the comfort of knowing he was around. Then I grew to enjoy having space in our bed... and now, well, it's back to having to share!
All I can say is hang in there; it will get better over time. Just one day.. one hour... one minute at a time. And the space and time apart will probably be good for both you and H- let him miss you a bit, you know?
Let me know if you still want to catch up one night.. or want to grab coffee over the weekend.
PetiteFlower
Quote: Follow Your Bliss
~Joseph Campbell
Hey SS- Sorry to hear you had a rough night. When i was living at home without my H, i too had horrible nights...it sucked to sleep there without him. I go through periods now where i can't sleep through the night, and then that will change and i can. So, maybe you just need to get a little used to the new situation.
I know you are having a tough time...sorry...so, here's a hug ((((SS)))))).
Tonight I'm feeling much more calm. I've spent half my day finishing reading a book that my H said was one of his top three favorites, John Fowles' "The Magus." (Of course I'm also reading it because he recommended it to OW#2 who read it and hated it.)
I have found I really kinda love it and not just because the main character ends up going back to his girlfriend and not the flirtation he had on a Greek island. In reading it I've learned so much about my H. I wish he had told me earlier that it was such an important book in his life.
Here's one line I feel is so relevant that I want to share:
"...One wouldn't have more jam, the sweetness of events, until one ate a lot more bread, the dry stodge of time."
I feel like this is what all of us here are forced to endure but I guess I'm going to remain optimistic that we all get our jam in the end.
Yikes! I just spoke to my H and he wants to come over tomorrow to pick up some of his things and to discuss where we go from here. I want to talk to him but his tone of voice was not particularly friendly.
He said he wasn't sure what time as he had to pick up keys. I asked if he had gotten an apartment and he said no that he was switching where he was staying with friends and it was none of my business.
My hope was for us to go for a drive to the beach, about two hours from here. In the past it has been really helpful for us. We can get things off our chest without really yelling too much because we're in the car. I asked him if he would go and he wasn't receptive. Hopefully he will feel differently tomorrow.
Yikes! I just spoke to my H and he wants to come over tomorrow to pick up some of his things and to discuss where we go from here. I want to talk to him but his tone of voice was not particularly friendly.
He said he wasn't sure what time as he had to pick up keys. I asked if he had gotten an apartment and he said no that he was switching where he was staying with friends and it was none of my business.
My hope was for us to go for a drive to the beach, about two hours from here. In the past it has been really helpful for us. We can get things off our chest without really yelling too much because we're in the car. I asked him if he would go and he wasn't receptive. Hopefully he will feel differently tomorrow.
Hey SS- I liked that quote you posted. Of course, it took me a few minutes to understand it, but it was relevant.
I don't know what to tell you. I know how anxiety producing the thought of a conversation can be. I would tell you to try your best not to react immediately to whatever it is he says. I forget, you guys only separated when you moved out, right? Maybe this time apart will do you some good. I do believe it helped my M somewhat.
Try to not push your agenda onto him. Yes, its unfair, but i don't think it will get you anywhere. Just listen to what he has to say. Don't fight him about how he feels. Just allow him to feel it.
Here's a question: Could he be pissed off that you moved out while he was away?
Anyway, try to relax and take a deep breath (that's what you told me, right ). Like you said, its a roller coaster...you may be down now, but it can't stay that way forever.
Well I guess I knew that our talk today would not go well. Frankly I don't know what we actually accomplished. The gist was something like this:
H: It's over, move on with your life. M: I know we will end up together give me another chance.
I know it probably is not a good idea to tell him that I know we will end up together but it's just how I feel. Actually it's what I know. I don't really know how to explain it, but deep in my heart I know that despite everything my H and I will be able to pull things together.
The only thing positive from today was that he agreed he would go to one counseling session if I agreed to sign a separation agreement. Any of you who have been to counseling, do you have any advice? At this point my H said his major issue with me is trust. He doesn't trust me not to go crazy; he doesn't trust me to make good decisions; and he doesn't trust me as a life partner.
It's started snowing here and it makes me miss him even more. We discussed maybe doing something tomorrow but we'll see if he actually follows through on his word.
). Like you said, its a roller coaster...you may be down now, but it can't stay that way forever.