Details on 'meet the author' page of my website, it's a little more expensive that way because I have to pay extra postage and packing myself rather than it being shipped direct from London or US - so the price would be £18.90 plus £5 p+p, either via cheque or you could send it to my paypal account which is greekgoddess472@hotmail.com (the same as my email address).
I can sign it for you and write a message in it if you want.
Allow a couple of weeks for delivery - maybe a bit longer since we're on last posting date for Christmas.
Today I took DD4 to a kid's Christmas party. It was great, they had a real tree with loads of lights and the hosts were dressed up as fairies.
DD4 asked why all the people had wings
We were sat at a table (with handmade Christmas Crackers) on our own but then this group of mothers and their kids that I know, saw me and switched tables to sit next to us, which was nice.
There was this HUGE buffet in the centre of the room - we ate so much we could burst.
Then a clown came round (DD4 still a bit suspicious of clowns) and did all these balloon shapes. He made DD4 a balloon in the shape of a giraffe.
Then we sang carols and Santa came to visit the kids. Took a photo of DD4 with Santa. He gave her some wooden puzzles, but would you believe, she was disappointed because she didn't get Clifford the dog!
Kids these days, honestly! I remember at her age being happy with a colouring book from Santa!
Posted my work packages, came home and phoned the bus company re the missing doll and they've found it (minus the bag it came in) so they're holding it for me at the office and I'm going to pick it up on Friday.
I can't believe they've still got it - I thought it would be gone forever. DD4 was so happy when I told her.
Now she's gone to sleep on the floor from exertion and I'm having a cup of tea.
Her list for Santa started in September, unprompted by me, I hasten to add, and she said she wanted Barbie ('because my sister's have got Barbie'), Strawberry Shortcake, The Magic roundabout DVD, and now she's added Clifford to the list!
Too much stuff for me to afford. I bought a cheaper version of 'Barbie' when I was in London, a doll like Barbie but Snow White instead from that market I went to, and I got her the DVD she wanted. Couldn't find any toys of Strawberry Shortcake so I bought her some knickers with Strawberry Shortcake on them and I got her some chocolate and a furry jumper from Next. That's all I can afford so she's not getting any Clifford from me.
Maybe I can persuade her dad to get it for her - she put that request in a little late!
When I was a kid I only asked for 1 thing from Santa. Even my other kids didn't ask for so much when they were her age. She's only 3 and she's so materialistic, lol.
Tomorrow is my 'would have been' 10th wedding anniversary - the first where I have been D. Not looking forward to it. Thankfully I am busy all day so that will help.
DD4 is starring as 'Santa Claus' in the pre-school Christmas Concert in the morning. Her dad and sisters are meeting me there and we are going to watch it together.
I am dreading this too as we NEVER do 'parenting' together but hopefully it won't be too bad.
Then I'm going to pick up her doll from the bus station and Andy will drop us at the train station on his way home.
I hope I don't hate him or cry because of what day it is.
DD4 and I are going to a holiday resort for 3 days where they'll be a 'Bob the Builder' Christmas party, theatre, cinema, eating out at restaurants etc etc. I've paid for all the food in advance.
Really looking forward to this holiday and will be able to tell you how my 'not anniversary' went on the 20th, when I am back.
Well, I wasn't going to post till tomorrow as I've just got back and it's late, but things aren't wonderful here.
I had a GREAT holiday, had so much fun - haven't had that much fun in years, and DD4 LOVED it - she has asked to go again.
I will post all about my holiday tomorrow when I'm less tired and upset.
Andy picked me up from the train station - I could have got the bus home, it was mainly a test on my part to see if I could do Christmas as a divorced person. I wasn't testing him, I was testing me, to see if I could take it.
The kids weren't with him, and he was dressed in his wedding suit. I asked him where the kids were, he said at home because he had something else to do. I didn't ask what he'd been doing, didn't cross my mind. I was thinking that EX-OW1 would be babysitting the kids as he asks her, in fact, I found out today that he pays her.
He said he was stopping at his house so we could get a cup of tea before he drove me home. My stomach dropped into my shoes, thinking of EX-OW1 there and having to see her.
We got in and I didn't want to go in the kitchen where she was so I went into the living room and said hello to DD1 and DD3.
Then DD2 came and asked me what I wanted to drink. I was terrified that EX-OW1 would make it, so I said nothing and just sat in front of Andy's computer staring at a blank screen.
Andy brought this cup of tea in for me and I sat there, sipping it, getting more and more panicked about being in his house, and annoyed at her being there.
He asked what I'd been upto and I've been up to LOADS on this holiday but I went completely blank because my mind was so panicked so I told him I couldn't remember, which was true at the time.
He asked what the matter was. I said nothing. He said 'yes there is.'
I turned away from him and carried on sipping my tea, but I was so upset just from being in that house and near him, that I just couldn't disguise it. I couldn't 'act as if'. I was sat there pretty much crying, in the end (I cry silently most of the time, tears but no sound).
DD2, who was practising English on the computer, asked me what the matter was. I snapped at her 'Nothing, will you just leave it!?' Andy then noticed I was crying so he said 'Hey Jo, what's the matter?' I refused to answer him.
EX-OW1 went home after he paid her for babysitting and he said to me 'Look, I'll make dinner if you like, I just wasn't sure if I was supposed to.' I didn't answer. Sad if he thinks I'd cry over bloody dinner. I don't care. It's him and the house and the kids and EX-OW1, not bloody food!
So he went in the kitchen and started cooking me pasta with my favourite olives in and all the time I was thinking, 'no, just get me outta here, it's you!'
It just doesn't matter what he does now, nothing he does matters like this. I don't want his friendship, I don't want to raise children with him without custody, I don't want any of this. I just don't want to be near him, full stop.
I had the time of my life on holiday, life is fun when he's not there, a bit lonely I'll admit, but at least I don't cry all the time then.
He said I was looking upset and tried to get me to discuss it but I wouldn't, no point. He never bloody cared in the past so I'm not talking now.
He gave the kids their tea and took our plates through to the living room. I didn't follow. I was rooted to the spot. He called my name to get me to follow him.
He sat down on the sofa next to me and we ate pasta and watched 'The Weakest Link', but I wasn't hungry. I didn't speak all the way through.
Then I got my stuff together and he dropped me and DD4 home and said he'd see us on Christmas Eve.
I sat there stewing on it and then phoned him up and said I couldn't do Christmas again, there was no way, and I told him all the reasons why. He said he and the girls still wanted me there. I asked why. He said because it was 'the right thing to do'.
So I said this is a politically correct thing, you're offering because you ought to, not because you want me there.
We got into this progressively bad argument and he said he needed to know by tomorrow whether I was coming or not, as he hadn't got food in. I put the phone down on him.
Cried my eyes out for 2 hours. I feel so trapped. If I don't go, there will just be me and DD4 on our own all holiday and I'll be upset because of that. If I do go, I'll still be upset, so either way, this will upset me and I don't know what to do.
Before, when he was coming here, I was in control, I had a wall up so that was okay. Now it isn't. I've run out of money so I can't go away (which is what I normally do at Christmas) - that's why I only went for 3 days, the coffers didn't last any longer.
I went to Cyprus last year, Skegness the year before, I paid to stay in a posh hotel the year before that - anything to avoid an awful Jones family Christmas, of which 2 have been a DISASTER since he left.
I am completely out of ideas, with only a few days left till the day, and I was on the floor bawling my head off
Glad to hear your trip was good. I don't know what to tell you because I'm in a similar perdicament. XW is off most likely "shagging" OM1 or a new OM#3. She comes back Tues, then she will be telling me what we are going to do as a family.
XW is doing this so that she don't have the guilt of me not being there and so she don't have to face the kids that I am not there.
I wish I had some advice that would make sense that would help you, unfortunately I don't know.
