The more I think of it the more p!ssed I become on your behalf. If I were Mr. Gel's friend I would say, "What the h*ll are you thinking dude?" I think it is a great idea to have him deal with the MC next time. I just hope yours is better than mine was when a similar subject arose.
Fortunately I do really trust our MC, she's a sharp cookie and I believe she will use this development to really help us. She, out of all our C's, has been the most helpful....and has called H's BS when she sees it for the most part. Now I suspect she's going to be a bit more aggressive...but I'll have to wait til tomorrow to see if that's true or not.
"His response was "I know I've got to stop thinking about it and start doing it."....to which I responded "DAMN RIGHT!""
YES!! This is the crux of the matter. No matter how many R books you read, how many MC sessions you go to, how many posts you make and get responses for, at some point you have to start implementing things or it is just smoke.
"BTW...this type of pissed for me is kind of like Haleys Comet, it comes around very rarely....but it's definitely a force of nature!"
Uh oh! An astronomy analogy, you'd better watch out! Hmmm, where can we take this? Halley's comet only comes out once every 76 years, which is very rare. A comet is actually a very large display of mostly nothing, it is barely above the density of outer space. If the Earth passed through the tail of a comet, it wouldn't affect us at all. I doubt very much if you would say that your anger didn't affect your H. The comet itself is a very tiny nugget of icy-rock hidden deep within the cloud. I wouldn't say your anger was small or hidden.
On the other hand, comets are fantastic displays that captivate our attention with their beauty whenever they grace the skies. But if a comet were to ever hit the Earth, watch out! The devestation would be tremendous!
I'd say you've just given notice that your comet is coming for his Earth. He'd better take steps to correct the situation and turn it back into a beautiful display, or else BOOM!
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
As a woman with a LD husband, I am so familiar what you are going through! For me I would be major pissed about your son possibly seeing the porn. But on the other hand I would be able to brush off some of this as related to your husband. You don't really know if he is watching it to possibly get himself in the mood for you (he is trying) or if he is getting off by himself and leaving you high and dry.
This is what you need to explore with him, the men that choose porn over an available women usually do it out of anger or bitterness.
Good luck at the C session I can totally understand the anger regaurding your son being in the room regaurdless how old and if he could realize what daddy was looking at it still holds a air of sickness to it.
It's not the "porn" itself I'm upset over it's, lying about it time and time again, and viewing it when he ignores me sexually, and yes....viewing it when our S is in the room. I've told him repeatedly I wouldn't have a problem with it as long as I knew about it and it wasn't his only outlet......but Patsi, that's the case. I do know he wasn't watching it to "get himself in the mood for me"...when I asked he said no, I wasn't doing that.
I've cut him more than enough slack and that's been enabling him to not really do any work, I'm done doing that.
His being in the room where he could possibly view the porn does really upset me, but what upsets me more is that when my H gets on the computer he tunes the rest of the world out....he didn't have a clue what our S was up to, in to....or needing. That's why he didn't even hear me come in the door....when our S was yelling "mommy!, mommy!, mommy!" when he saw me from the window.
This is my notes from a book in which I began reading yesterday. This has me thinking but also being greatful for what I have learned up to this point.
* Both parties engage in certain behaviors. No one causes it. No one is to blame. You both do what you do.
* You have a choice about how you react to a given situation.
* The problems that come up is not your partner; the problem is the dance that you and your partner do together. You have a part in that dance.
* Be patient with yourself.
"A man of knowledge uses words with restraint, and a man of understanding is even-tempered. Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent, and discerning if he holds his tongue." Proverbs 17:27-28
Had a brief talk with H last night about the other day, well...actually he did the talking...I didn't say much. He told me that he deserved absolutely everything I said to him, he had been thinking about what I'd said and not one thing I said was untrue....he really had it coming. I don't know right now if this was said out of honesty, or if he was saying it trying to placate me and smooth things over.
What I did say to him is that I appreciated that he said that, but that right now because I'm so hurt I'm having to fight against myself because right now all I really want to do is get as far away from him as possible.
I know we will get through this, but right now I have to force myself to even stay in the same room with him.
Best wishes to you today GEL. I know you can keep your cool, you have been doing well so far. I also hope your H does well and truly admits he was wrong and feels an appropriate amount of remorse and willingness to change his actions. Good luck
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
The comet itself is a very tiny nugget of icy-rock hidden deep within the cloud. I wouldn't say your anger was small or hidden.
