After visiting your post and rereading, I think I might be starting to understand the goals process and reframing you mentioned in mine. Such good information about the coaching too.
Thanks for sharing!
PS--I'm not such a good listener either, but we're tyring and I can guarantee probably MUCH better than we were before.
Hello everyone - It has been a fabulous week, this place feels like a different world, but when we catch a few minutes of TV at night before bed, CSI and Desperate Housewives is a comforting reminder that the world is shrinking!
For the most part, we are getting along well. NG tried to 'fix' something on my mobile phone and laptop yesterday, which I did not think needed fixing, and my less than effusive response has him in a mighty sulk now. I suspect it is a combination of being stuck together in a small room for a week too. I'm just going to act as if there is nothing wrong, which will be a 180 for me; usually I take his sulks to heart and play out myself. All a bit unnecessary.
Hiya C2F - Yes, the 180 worked very, very well. Thanks to all the wonderful Martians here, this time, I just said my piece in 3 sentences, that if he would ask me first I would be happier, but I did appreciate that he was going to a lot of trouble to make the laptop work better for me. I then dropped the subject, and went about my day AS IF we did not have a tiff. And guess what? He snapped out of it in less than 6 hours - this is from a guy who can bear a grudge for DAYS!!!! So yeah, the 180 worked!
I noticed from my earlier posts today that this will be my 2,500th post - wow. When I first logged on nearly 2 years ago, I had no idea I would be still here, and have so much to process through. The Mighty Sulk earlier this week just proves the point that there is much unfinished business and I need to be here, gathering feedback as I am feeling challenged.
Our last day in Shanghai, we head home tomorrow (Friday). It has been a fabulous trip, and although we did not get as much sight seeing as a traditional holiday would have enabled, we did mix with NG's colleagues and their families, which was way more fun. I shall always remember the gift of this trip, partly because it was so unexpected.
Yet another resolution for me - I will let go the fuss around Valentine's Day. Sure, it was at a Val D party that NG first danced and then kissed me 23 years ago, but I guess an impromptu trip to China has more meaning and class? I was planning an elaborate memory book for our 23 years, but I think it puts pressure on both of us. So, I will make as if it is just another day, and plan to surprise NG some other time.
On that note, I'm heading off to the shops, those that are open anyway, for some last minute shopping.
Nice going with the double-play of 180 and 'act as if!' Communicating your appreciation of NG's efforts while expressing your needs and then moving through the day expecting the positive outcome. Absolutely textbook. A+!! The result was pretty cool too .
Wow, 2500 posts! It's a testament of your unwavering committment to your marriage. You've done a lot of hardwork here Slowly, it speaks volumes about your dedication and your love for NG. You've been generous and caring with your advice to others on this board too!
I'm a romantic, so I like your memory book idea. I do agree with you that it might put too much pressure on you both right now. Perhaps a simpler handmade card or Valentine to mark the day.
Have fun at the shops.. I love retail therapy! Have a safe trip home. - C2F
* I agree, this IS a nice neighborhood! I like it here.
Slowly
