Hiya amd and Martha - I'm glad the observation resonated And yes, I do have a thong, in fact it'll be the full suspender belt, fishnet stocking, thong deal with YSL's Opium, my favourite, thrown in for good measure
In the meantime, I've started going through my KLA workbook, and figured now is as good a time as any to start planning the 'next phase' of keeping my changes going. Here are the steps Michele recommends:
Step 1 - Identify the Changes What is happening that I want to continue to happen? How have the changes in our relationship affected the rest of my life?
The second one bears thinking about. Till later, my friends.
Have a great time Slowly, Hmm I guess maybe that is what bothers me about knowing my W will be getting dressed up tonight (looking hot) and going to an X-mas party w/out me...
It's funny you posted that article, it really made me think. The other night in MC she brought up how we would go out to a party and that she felt the only time I paid attention to her was when other men came around.... I never really saw this but maybe it has something to do with it. Hmmm something else to ponder..
Chris
I am going to win her back! It may take longer then I want, but it's worth it.
:: Update - I want to win me back, I am worth it!!!
Hi Matilda - I do find the workbook helpful, and so are the threads in the KLA forum. I was not really able to listen to the CDs much, but have not necessarily found that holding me back.
Quite a lot happening here in my world. I have finally decided it is time to leave my employer, after 9.5 years The company is changing, or I am, and the fit is no longer there. Right now, I'm staying focused on wrapping up some projects I had promised clients I will take care of, and come January, it will be a difficult conversation to be had.
By then, I will also have heard if I am accepted into the Philosophy post grad, and so I may well only work part time. NG is being supportive, which is comforting. At 41, I am embarking on a new life. For the past 19 years, my life has been defined by going to work from 9 to 5, so the change will be both scary and exciting. But for now, I want to also think about what is happening on the personal front.
What is happening that I want to continue to happen?
NG is no longer in an affair. He spends so many of his hours right in front of my eyes, it will be impossible to have another relationship
NG is happy, in fact actively seeks out, opportunity to work from home. Two years ago, he would have sworn it was not for him, that he did not want to clutter home with work. And here we are, with him going into the office only when I have to as well. Should be interesting to see how long we can keep this up.
NG is sharing a LOT more of himself, how he feels, what's news with his mum and siblings and about stuff at work. A more talkative NG is more than fine with me
We make time for 'us' more deliberately, instead of drifting from one task to another. We hold hands a lot more, even when asleep. Oh this is getting soppy
How have the changes in our relationship affected the rest of my life?
Well, I no longer take anything for granted. It has made me more appreciative of the people in my life, and the many, many blessings I enjoy.
Consequently, I feel more, the joys and the sadness. This is not to say I was unfeeling before, but just that I am more 'aware' of what I feel, and why. I suppose I stop to reflect more often, as is necessary in being a solution detective.
Overall, I like my life more now than before dbing
Happy Thursday, everyone. The days start getting longer in the north from now
amd - absolutely carpe diem. Somedays, it is hard to believe we can seize the day. But with the help of real and cyber friends, we make it through
WCW - peace can be such an undervalued notion. I recall the days of anguish early on in my discovery of NG's affair, and peace seemed such an alien concept. This state of mind is so much more precious because I've had to work hard for it.
Matilda2 - if you see this, woman, we need a new thread for you!
OK, continuing with my review of 2005. Going back to my old threads still fill me with some anxiety, the memories of pain are perhaps more scary than what the pain actually was. But, this is an assignment to myself I want to see through.
Little in life is more attractive than a warm invitation to which there is no pressure or expectation attached
I find this such a valuable reminder. Personally, I run a mile from people who have a long list of what they expect from me, so I should really extend the same to NG, i.e. to love unconditionally. I guess this applies to all our loved ones. To make them feel that they are in my life through choice, and for themselves, not what the can do for me. Or that they need to change who they are in order to have a happy relationship with me. Now, if only I can get my mother to see this perspective...
Slowly, I think this boundary is excellent for you! I don't know about you guys, but when others have an expectation of me that is implied and there is not consent, I feel resentment bubbling and brewing. And unless I say something about how I feel to the offender, it doesn't go away.
Wise words from Betsey. More on the topic of expectations. Looking back, I can see how much I have progressed in managing expectations, not just with NG but also with folks at work, especially. I may not be as 'popular' as I used to be in some quarters, but heck, I am far less stressed, and frankly, much happier
And finally, something from one of my cainercasts that I think is worth revising.
Criticisms are contagious. You only need to introduce one to a seemingly satisfactory situation and suddenly, you'll find you have a hundred. Doubts and misgivings breed like rabbits - or perhaps, not so much like rabbits but like single-cell amoebas. You don't need a pair to create a colony; you can do it with just one. Happily, positive thoughts can be just as powerful. Be careful what you spark off today.
I'm off to spark some positives today. Wishing you all a fabulous run up to Xmas. Slowly
I'm so glad I found your post! Your words and reflections are so insightful and help give me hope when I've nearly given up.
I'm at that low point you talked about where I've recently discovered my H's affair and I don't have much peace of mind right now! I feel like the situation just keeps getting worse and worse, no matter how hard I try to DR. If you could give me any advice I'd appreciate it, and I will keep checking back with you to be encouraged of the amazing progress you've made! Thanks!
And yes, I do have a thong, in fact it'll be the full suspender belt, fishnet stocking, thong deal with YSL's Opium, my favourite, thrown in for good measure 
Slowly
The company is changing, or I am, and the fit is no longer there. Right now, I'm staying focused on wrapping up some projects I had promised clients I will take care of, and come January, it will be a difficult conversation to be had. 
