Don't beat yourself up about past "mistakes". I'm sure that you are doing your best in a very tough situation and so long as you learn as you go then there really aren't any mistakes. You're one tough cookie for sticking with it like you have.
I'll bet a lot of people here understand the problems you're having with the "act as if". After a while, you get worn down and don't want to "act" anything anymore...you want things to be good without having to try so damn hard, right?
What do you think about the idea of taking a little break? Maybe a trip to see some family? It might help to get away from the situation and recharge for a while? If you can't get away, one thing that has helped me re-center is to make it a regular habit to take a walk. I'm not sure where you are, but it is Spring here those short walks, where you can enjoy the sun and the wind and the smells, can really take the edge off. And the exercise helps too.
It's kinda a funnny chicken-or-the-egg situation, yes? Making things "normal" requires that you are able to relax and be happy but relaxing and being happy *seems* like it requires a normal marriage! The real challenge is being relaxed and happy even though the marriage is in a tough spot right now but if you can do that...
Thanks WCW, I was very impressed the other day when i read of your talk with your H. You have much more courage than I do. You have been very strong of late and I admire that about you.
I am going to have to give some serious thought to what you said. I run convo's over and over in my head but I can never seem to get anything to come out of my mouth. Which sometimes is a blessing.
Me 54 DS19 and DS17 Married 06/1989 Divorced 01/2011
AKWB, I am thrilled to see you. I often wonder how you're doing. I try to keep up with your adventures on your blog.
Talking a break (really getting away) is not going to be an option for a while. Well unless you count the 5 days H will be gone fishing in a few weeks.
I do like the idea of taking a walk and I need to get in the habit of doing that. It has been beautiful here in the DC Metro area and I need to take advantage of that. Who knows it may help clear my head in the process.
Thanks so much for stopping by, I appreciate input from you and WCW anytime!
Me 54 DS19 and DS17 Married 06/1989 Divorced 01/2011
Sorry you're down. What if you change the medium? Maybe pick one thing, starting small, that has been bugging you and figure out how you want to change it. If a face to face convo with your H isn't something you're up for, would email or a letter/note work? Or over the phone...
Maybe let us know some specific scenario that you want to change and maybe we can give you ideas.
I find it very frustrating because I never seem to be able to have much time to post anything significant here. I don't really dare access this page from home and at work I am always being interupted with real work!
This morning H and I had an exchange and I have been thinking a lot about it. I ask him to look at my computer and he was griping about our boys being on it. I said this had nothing to do with the boys it was fine when I went to bed last night.
He got very upset and said that whenever he makes a suggestion about the boys I always poo poo it. I was speachless. I am kind of glad I didn't say anything becasue I probably would have tried to defend myself.
Now that I have had time to think about it. I know I need to validate. I do not agree with what he said, but he sees it like that so how do I handle this?
Me 54 DS19 and DS17 Married 06/1989 Divorced 01/2011
Not really sure why I bother posting here. I am going to type this here while it is freah because I want to be able to come back and see if I am over reacting.
Tonight is my S10 & S11 Spring concert at school... however, my H has chosen to go play softball instead of go. I am just dumbstruck. How could that even be an option?
He thinks the boys do not mind because they didn't get upset about him not going. He has no idea that it is just that they are used to him not being at things. I am the one who will hear about them not understanding why Dad didn't come.
Now I am damned if I do and damned if I don't. If I am upset he will get mad, if I tell him anything the boys say about it, he will get mad and think it is just me. So I guess I should act happy, but that is not right either, because one of our issues has always been that I do not tell him how I feel about things. That is nor really true though, when i do tell him how I feel about something if it is not what he wanted to hear he will get this mad look on his face and stare straight ahead and act like I did not say anything. No wonder I quit sharing my feelings a long time ago.
I do not know how I am going to get through this tonight. How I am going to keep a happy face while my children's teachers and friends ask where their Dad is?
Me 54 DS19 and DS17 Married 06/1989 Divorced 01/2011
So I was wrong, he did not go out after the game. They played a double header and he arrived home shortly after my post last night.
I was pretty proud of my self. I went to him and said I had something to say. I told him I was upset about his choice and he said he knew he was wrong, but that he had already committed to playing softball before he knew about the concert and he would "make it up" to the boys. I reminded him that he had made a commitment to be a Father too. I asked him how we could avoid this in the future and he promised to put stuff on his calendar from now on when I tell him what is coming up.
So supposedly that issue is settled. I feel good about telling him how I felt, but I am still upset. I found out something else last night and I am not sure how to proceed with the info.
I am not sure I can even write about it here. Let me just tell you that a woman's intuition should NEVER be taken for granted.
Me 54 DS19 and DS17 Married 06/1989 Divorced 01/2011
