Well, folks, I think we are on to something permanent here. Things show no signs of tapering off or flaking out, like they've done in the past. We are both catering to each other's needs and navigating these tricky waters with ease.
Yesterday, I had emailed H that I wanted to take a bath together after the kids were in bed. He replied enthusiastically. That night, he filled the tub and brought me in and I noticed that he was fully clothed. I started to get testy inside, cause the suggestion was not that he run a bath for ME, it was that we'd do it together. If he didn't want to, I'd just as soon have skipped it. So I felt all those feelings bubbling around and asked him if he was going to join me and he said No. Then he proceeded to kneel by the tub and spoon water over me with his hands the entire time! I thought that was wonderful. He was spending intimate time with me--which was the point of the whole suggestion anyway--and he found a way to gracefully bow out. There was one funny moment where he looked off into space and joked that the only thing missing was a TV in our bathroom so that he could watch a Clint Eastwood movie while "paying attention" to his wife. Then we had this conversation: HP: Well, H, just remember back about a dozen years ago to when you lived in San Diego and *dreamed* about touching a woman. Being able to see her naked and touch her anywhere you wanted, anytime you wanted to. Watching her take a bath would have been something you couldn't even fathom becoming reality. MrH: (eyes getting big) You are so right! Man that is the truth. See, that's all I need...reminders of how it used to be and how lonely I was. I would have killed to have a chance to have something like this bathtime.
See, folks, my H is guilty of nothing more or less than taking me for granted. Sure, he had religious issues to overcome, as well as his general shyness/awkwardness. But at this point, it is just regular old garden variety Taking For Granted. When he makes an effort to cherish me in some (hopefully physical, lol) way, our entire R is transformed.
Now I don't want to put the whole focus on H--it took lots of behavior changes from me, over the years--but my changes are ingrained habit now and have been for some time, while H has been sorta bringing up the rear, due to the TFG issues referenced above. He's not the first husband to take his wife for granted and he aint the last. I hope that his efforts remain steady.
Interestingly, we have not burned up the sheets lately. Our frequency is slipping again but the EC is strong. I am still hoping to get the two of those in sync and I have faith that we will do this. I think the difference is that, though the actual sex numbers are not high, the physical encounters are. We have been flirting, kissing, and last night's bath, hugging, etc etc and this sweetens the entire scene.
This has been a tumultuous year for us--my physical health sucked and he lost his job, in addition to the stress of having 3 tiny kids--but we are slowly coming out of the Crap Fog and into the light.
Thank you all for shining your lights, along the way. I'll still need it from time to time, I'm sure.
This has got to be the most uplifting post ever! What a wonderful morning coffee read! I'm so glad you shared this. I have warm feelings now and you know I'm going to keep you both in my prayers.
The Pot family sure deserves this boon!
I'm reading a really swell book right now that might really help. It's by Susan Jeffers and it's called End the Struggle and Dance with Life. It's really wonderful and helps us reframe our thoughts.
It's positive and uplifting and just might keep all these wonderful thoughts flowing.
Big hugs and thinking of you!
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
Bets, I've been reading about that book on your thread; sounds interesting. Can you elaborate as to what themes are speaking to you?
Oh and watching you recover from your surgery is totally bringing up all these memories from my earlier appendectomy this year. The multicolored abdomen, the feeling like you are going to pass out from a simple movement to the side, etc etc. Good times, huh.
Hope you are feeling better every day. I keep up with your thread but don't always post because you've got it under control, my dear.
Ohhh HP, I had my appendix out the end of June...I'd rather go through childbirth than that again! I had the whole purplished bruised abdomen and it took forever for the balloonish feeling to go away.
Anyway, I've read a lot where you were so frustrated, so it is truly inspiring to read this today. I hope things continue to stay so good and get better even.
Email & MSN Messenger: Becca_1975@msn.com
Yesterday Is History
Tomorrow is a Mystery.
Today is a Gift.
That Is Why It Is Called "The Present"
Quote: This has got to be the most uplifting post ever! What a wonderful morning coffee read! I'm so glad you shared this. I have warm feelings now and you know I'm going to keep you both in my prayers.
UD said it so well...here here!
Pity me that the heart is slow to learn
What the swift mind beholds at every turn.
Edna St. Vincent Millay
I hate to be the impetus for your surgery memories! I'm really happy to report that I look and feel much better. I have an appendectomy scar--as my surgery was done at the age of 16 and pre-laparascope. My scar is pretty small and awesome, but this is going to look much better.
I have to figure that maybe some day, I'm going to wind up on top of some guy and I'd prefer the view to be less distracting.
The chapters I read last night were about being grateful and for choosing to see things positively. Your post reminded me of them! It's really a great book, and resonating with me. Especially since it's the week to be reminded of thankfulness?
She says, "Happiness doesn't make us grateful--gratefulness makes us happy." I think that's a most telling phrase? And you seem to be living proof of this concept!
So thanks for showing me what this looks like!
Hugs,
Bets
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
So would you say your feelings have changed around and you are now attracted to your husband and want to ML? If I remember right your feelings had changed. Do you think the sexual connection could have something to do with that? Like maybe he just feels he can't ever make you happy in this department because of feelings he knew you just went through?
Wow - did I need that. I need to know that there is a light. I also need to see a stich where the spouse isn't running around, addicted to strip clubs or porn, physically ill or sexually dysfunctional, gay or mentally ill etc.... Just someone who takes their spouse for granted.
What a really cool thought. If I could think of H in that way instead of hunting in the bushes for zebras I might make some more headway. I just get so down in the dumps that my head goes in all these ridiculous directions e.g. maybe he's still hung up on someone from the past, maybe he's sorry he married me, maybe he is involved with someone etc... I am currently in one of those downward spirals again.
HP - you and H deserve to have a wonderful R. You have worked hard on it in your way and so has he. Good job. Please stick around and dispense advice even if you and H continue to live in relative nirvana. You have a great perspective and with your success, so much to offer.
Karen I agree I think HP has made such GREAT progress. She is an inspiration.
I know as we are the HD spouses our feelings can go in every which direction. It is so hard on us but also I am sure it has got to be hard on our spouses. I guess I am wondering if Honey's recent change that she had went through could be having any impact on her husband.
Betsey 
