I'll try not to make this too long...my husband and I lost a child 10 years ago and I "checked out" of life for a long time. Even 2 kids later, I was still out of it, just going through the motions. He kept threatening he would get a girlfriend, but I didn't believe him; I thought it was just a threat. He's been involved with OW since March and 3 weeks ago, he told me their affair was over. I found out today that it's not. I started to read "Divorce Remedy" but I'm having a lot of trouble backing off and doing a 180. I think I'm just looking for someone to talk to.
Welcome aboard...sorry that you had to find us because of your sitch...but you will find a wealth of information, support and most of all love here from everyone as we all have been where you are and many of us still are.
As you are doing, keep reading, post, journal...and set your goals...I just redefined mine a couple of days ago and it's helped me stay focused.
Be prepared for the rollercoaster...there will be highs were you think you have truly moved past and then all of a sudden the lows will come and just take your feet out from under you.
But remember most importantly time is your friend...so is patience...many of us don't have this...i know I for one am trying my hardest to learn patience. It's the killer I think because we all want instant gratification.
Take care of you...work on your 180s, PMA (positive mental attitude), GAL (getting a life)...and post here whenever you need to vent.
Glad you found this place, though sorry you need to be here.
Have you received counseling for your loss? Help working through that aspect of your life can also be helpful in your current issue. Not a guarantee, but helps you become more centered and solid...which your 2 kids will need if things don't work out.
FYI...I dealt with some parallel circumstances that you have described: events of the past influencing my mental health, "checking out of life" , husband beginning affair, saying it's over, yet continuing on, etc.
My best advice: get counseling, get meds if you need it, come here often, read, make yourself the best you that you can be. My dealing with my past really helped a lot. I worked through that and found that many other things fell into place.
