What to do next?

[Phoenix_spark]

A friend of mine had a real good point the other day. He and I sat and had lunch and talked about our lives. We got on the subject of W and I. He said that communication seems to be a major problem. Of course he's absolutely right. I grew up in a house where we discussed and analyzed everything together, my W did not. She grew up in a house where her father was always in pursuit of the next better job and mom was always on the verge of flying of the handle. Everything was done to keep mom "sane" and to get dad's approval.

In our sitch, I have tried to talk, but that just gets brushed aside and avoided until it's at a critical point, then it's difficult to get a decent outcome/result. I don't forsee our R getting better unless this problem gets fixed. Add to that my W feeling that since she doesn't want to deal with it, it's not going to be fixed, so just let's cut bait. Luckily, with the most recent family dissaster, things have turned out fairly well and things are kind of upbeat.

If there is anyone with some insight, I'm all ears.

[WCW]

Certainly interesting to ponder about how we deal with conversations in different ways of communication. What's the subject of your talks? everyday stuff? or R and M stuff? Have you thought about a different method of communication other than verbal talks? notes, emails, letters, something to break up the routine of how you communicate?

Glad things have turned upbeat for you! Crank the volume!

[BeingMe]

mom was always on the verge of flying of the handle. Everything was done to keep mom "sane" and to get dad's approval

This is a very interesting point about your wife's upbringing, Phoenix. Perhaps your W feels that you and the children should be trying to keep her "sane", and pander to her "craziness". Not fair, but she will have to see it for what it is before she can change. She could also be rebelling against her father, through you.

What complicated individuals we are, 'eh!

Just heard an F-16 fly over - what an interesting time I've had here in Florida. Will be home soon. Yay!!

[Phoenix_spark]

Not quite. She worries still very much about what her parents think and not is really trying to rebel against them. However, I think that she feels that she can't quite pull herself up to the standards of where she was trained to be, due to mistakes made and consequences. As a result, mix this with influence of co-workers and MLC and we have a person trying to go off on a wild tangent, again trying this time to impress her peers. They seem to have convinced her that as long as she continues as a loyal mother and employee, all the rest of her life doesn't matter. If it's too hard, screw it, let's have a good time.

Of course, needless to say I don't fit these new defined priorities, so where will this go, I don't know. However, as most of us know here, the path doesn't lead anywhere good, so I'm riding out the storm right now. Currently, she has it mostly hidden from parents, but I'm sure they will/have figure(d) it out. Disappointing I'm sure, but as I've said, they were never much for talking. Maybe they'll step up when it's this important, but I'm not holding my breathe. Besides, if I did I'm sure I would be accussed of tipping them off.

Isn't it amazing how choices we make in our lives can have long lasting consequences in our lives. You know how they have organ donor cards, living wills and pre-nups? Well here's one for the MLC. In case of MLC crisis, step 1 - apply 2 x 4, step 2 - just shoot me. Power of attorney can be decided by a 60% majority of family members. "The tribe has spoken....." (spouse gets 2 votes) OK, I'm on record now.

[OneVisionn]

BeingMe,

I am an LDS guy with a WAW and two kids. I am knee deep in my DBing efforts but am curious to get some LDS DBing perspective. I will be looking at your posts later today but if you dont mind, I would love for you to look at my sitch and see what you think.

Thanks,

My situation:
http://www.divorcebusting.com/ubbthreads/showflat.php?Cat=&Board=UBB9&Number=1175669&fpart=&PHPSESSID=

[Phoenix_spark]

Since your on my thread I'll take the liberty to respond to your post. Yes there are a few of us LDS guys on here too. Unfortunately our W do get sucked in by the ways of the world also. They try to put a worldly spin on the truth to justify their behavior. In my sitch, W hides it from here parents, because she knows they would call it as it is. In fact in my sitch she would like me to bug first so she can say it was all my fault. But I know what is right and what "commitments" I have made and I will do my best to live up to them. If I get a chance later tonight I'll hop over to your thread and finish reading it.

Being me will be a good resource when she is back, she can give you the woman's side. Till then I'll try to hold down the fort. Hang in there.

[OneVisionn]

PS,

Thanks for the post! I was sorry to interupt your thread, but it is good to hear from someone who understands. I will read up on your situation and if I have anything potentially helpful I will let you know. Please if you see anything in my thread that you can relate to post it there or here.


Thanks again,

Jared

[Phoenix_spark]

Will do, likely tonight.

[Phoenix_spark]

Well it was another rollercoaster weekend. Some good times doing things with W and friends, then a dome and gloom discussion, "did all my trying, can't go on anymore". No matter what I say it is seen as trying to make her feel bad. She wants to come out of this feeling & smelling good and holding all the cards. Anyone who knows us, will know better. Just have to stay tough.

[WCW]

Doom and gloom follows good times? sounds pretty much like how things go in our rides, doesn't it? That talk came at a bad time, IMO. I think they even get mad at us because they DID have a good time, have fun with us. Do you think she's in her own crisis? mid life or whatever? I am really struggling with having an R talk with H, or trying to ride this out longer, it is as difficult now as ever.
God Bless America, and all of us.