Hi all, Please advise. I got email from XH after going dark for a week or so. Here is email:
I know that it has been a long time since I last made an effort to talk to you. I am sorry about all that has happened (me moving out, the divorce, etc.). I just want for you to know that I do not hate you and that I that I still care about you. If you would like to get together to talk, please let me know.
I was definetely not expecting this and now that the ball is on my court, I don't want to make a wrong move. I need a plan, any ideas...I guess at this point I've been using LTR.
Are you seeing a counselor at all. If it were me, this would be the point in time that I'd wait and see how to reply. The ball is definately in your court now and how you respond will have a lot to do with what happens in the future. I would wait a bit and think it out. Don't go all emotional at this point...keep it pretty simple. He didn't say WHAT he wanted to talk about specifically, so maybe just a generic response that you would be interested in having a discussion.
Email & MSN Messenger: Becca_1975@msn.com
Yesterday Is History
Tomorrow is a Mystery.
Today is a Gift.
That Is Why It Is Called "The Present"
It doesn't sound like he has something to say, it sounds more like he wants to make sure you're OK. Maybe you can swing a free lunch out of this.
I know what you mean about not making "wrong moves".. been there! So the thing to do is this, I think: if you're still game, get in touch with him and arrange to meet over a cup of coffee or lunch or some such thing. But you have to be cool... be detached yet friendly. Don't bring up anything about the relationship. You know the routine. Be upbeat, smiling. Prepare to talk about some new interesting thing you're up to. Watch him for clues about where he's at. Don't expect a turnaround and remorse. Just show him you can be OK. Don't look at this as some sort of crucial, big deal.
We'll it gets better. He called and left a message to "just called to see what you are doing, I hope that maybe you still want to talk to me", then he called again around 7. I did not call back. Then an hour later his mom calls to see how I doing , I did talk to her. Crazyness..but you all are right keeping my cool is key, not emotional, God knows he really has nothing to say and neither do I.
Well.....I'd talk to him....just be distant and cool until you find out what he wants and if what he wants is to work on the R, then go slowly, don't rush all at once.
Email & MSN Messenger: Becca_1975@msn.com
Yesterday Is History
Tomorrow is a Mystery.
Today is a Gift.
That Is Why It Is Called "The Present"
We'll it gets better. He called and left a message to "just called to see what you are doing, I hope that maybe you still want to talk to me", then he called again around 7. I did not call back. Then an hour later his mom calls to see how I doing
You were dark for a week, and I guess that was new for you? So H is wondering what's up. He's sending you 'ticklers' to get a response. I doubt there's a R talk motive on his part. It may be more about he has a conflict about "losing you" and your being dark prompts him to be concerned about that. Don't interpret that to mean he wants to come back, see it as meaning he's conflicted because he hasn't within himself to fully let go, but not for the good reasons you'd hope for.
Actually I have not seen him in a month, and I have not made attempts to call him since. He has called just to make sure I was ok once and that was it. Last time I saw him we talked about us and at the end he said we would talk again. I know that this might not be the "talk" continuation of back then. I called him back today and we are schedule to get together friday night. I am trying to keep my cool and have no expectations, which is a real challenge. Sometimes I feel that I am not ready and would like to cancel , but now its too late. We'll see, like I told him "no harm in talking", I guess it can't get any worse.
Well He called on thursday after the email around 8pm and started by telling me that " he had taken this too far, that getting a divorce was too much" We talked on the phone that night for about 4 hours, 3 of those hours were about us, which he iniated. How he missed my cooking ,the house, our late night drives ect ..., asked if I was still available and how I've changed and what I would like for him to change. We ended up going out the next nigth to a movie and while we waited for the movie to start, we took a drive and again he started the conversation about us, what would I like for it to happen, that he does not expect me to welcome him back with open arms. ectt.. After the movie he took me back home and I inviated him in we spend another two hours at the house talking. In which time he told me he is looking to get a govertment job or such that would relocated him and said "hypothetically if you and I get back together would you support that". That night basically he said he would make an effort, that he had nothing to offer but that he wanted to take things slow. He came by again on Sunday to trim the hedges, no talk just got there to do what he need to do and left.
Then I caled him last Wendsday we chit chatted while at work and said he would call me later that night. Which he did, again he started R talk, how he was so pissed off that he did not know what else to do than to Divorce, that night he asked me if I still wanted it to work, how yes I've lost weight but he hasn't seen any other changes(well how the hell is he suppose to see changes if he doesn't come around and number two,and if I was the old me I would've come to him with pitch forks by now but I haven't), and if I wanted to get together again, I said yes. Any who the weekend came and went and no sign of him WTF. All I know is I can't do this limbo crap any more, he can't come around all hot and then give me the no call in 4 days treatment. I can't do this anymore. He can't come sweet talk of how this and that and then make no contact. I am on the verge of just telling him enough and good bye.
Any thoughts?? BTW I found out he went to Hooters over the weekend, not happy about that either.
No one is responding to my stich, I am not feeling the love guys.
Update:
Wells he has kept in touch. I asked if I could take him out on his B-day, he was hesitant about it so I said never mind no to worry about it. I called him that day to wish him a Happy B-day and he did not answer the phone, I left him a message. He did not call back to thank me or anything. He is been acting weird and even though he says there is no OW right now, I don't believe it. He says he wants to take it at snail pace because he is scared it will turn out the same way. But that it is time to do some soul searching and make some decisions.
Well my problem is A: is there OW, if so I don't want to play second fiddle and B: if he is condisidering trying this again why won't he just doit. He's admitted the divorce was a mistake, but his thing is waht is done is done. And then he gets all jelous of who I might be hanging around with. Why can't he decide yes or no , to me its so easy. But I guess I should at least be glad about him even considering US again.
I don't know how to handle the possiblity of OW. I asked againg last night he denys it, but I can kinda tell when he lies. I told him I prefer to be hurt by the truth then lies. Why won't he just admitted. And if he does am I am just asking for trouble, will it just hurt my cause.
No one is responding to my stich, I am not feeling the love guys.
OK, I'll respond. Sorry if you've been feeling neglected here, it happens from time to time, it's either feast or famine.
Take him at his word for now (keep your eyes and ears open though) that he wants to work on it.
I sense something missing, some pieces of your puzzle aren't being posted. You may not be aware of them, but I think H is.
I sense indignation and frustration at work in you, and wonder if that comes through to him. Probably. I also get the sense that you two aren't quite on the same page; try aligning yourself, since you can't do his part for him.
