I got this on an email today, made me think if there is any truth to it, What do you all think? Are we just acting like big doormats letting the WAS do whatever they want, when we are the only ones wanting the R, and they are clearly no longer interested?
If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.
If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.
Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.
Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be.
Slower is better.
Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends". A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.
If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.
Don't stay because you think "it will getbetter." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.
The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently?
Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you.
If something bothers you, speak up.
Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.
You can! not change a man's behavior. Change comes from within.
Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are... even if he has more education or in a better job.
Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.
Never let a man define who you are.
Never borrow someone else's man.
If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.
A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.
All men are NOT dogs.
You should not be the one doing all the bending... compromise is two way street.
You need time to heal between relationships... there is nothing cute about baggage...Deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.
You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you... a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals... look for someone complimentary... not supplementary.
Dating is fun... even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.
Make him miss you sometimes... when a man always know where you are, and you're always readily available to him - he takes it for granted.
Never move into his mother's house.
Never co-sign for a man.
Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need.
I guess what really bothered me about it is the part of "not doing all the bending". Sometimes it feels like we are doing all the bending when they where the ones that left. And if they left because they did not want to be in the R any more than, no matter how much we DB, they won't stay. I don't know maybe I just over analyzing and simplyfing a bit much.
I know what you mean. I sometimes have the feeling that I'm kissing her butt or going out of my way to avoid conflict. My interpretation of "don't do all the bending" is that you shouldn't be a doormat...it's very unattractive. And you definitely should draw the line when it's very important...in circumstances where if you were together you wouldn't bend on the issue....say something to do with your kids or moving for his/her benefit when you would have to quit your job.
I probably have done more bending in my two divorces than is good for me. But I have some issues I know I won't and that's moving away from my kids for my XWs benefit, finding a different job, or selling/not selling my house based on her preferences. For big decisions I will not budge because she forfeited any input in big decisions. She can pick the restaurant we eat at.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
I guess what really bothered me about it is the part of "not doing all the bending". Sometimes it feels like we are doing all the bending when they where the ones that left.
Well that stands to reason doesn't it? I mean, if someone doesn't want the relationship, you can't expect them to do any of the work on salvaging it. That leaves all the work to be done by the person who wants the relationship.
In context with what was posted about "not doing all the bending", it had to do with how two people in a relationship should compromise... we're not exactly in that type of situation/relationship.
And if they left because they did not want to be in the R any more than, no matter how much we DB, they won't stay.
That was precipitated by "if he doesn't want you". In our sitches, that may truly be the case, or not. It may just appear to be the case sometimes, as the WAS is dealing with issues and problems within themselves that account for their bizarre actions. When it comes to WASs, we're not always talking about people who, when they walk, aren't conflicted and truly clear about what they're doing.
