I am married to the best man in the world. Almost. Yep, you guessed it; our sex life sucks!
We've been together for 3 years now. Our sex life has always sucked. But I loved him so much, that I thought we would eventually work the sex stuff out.
The problem is his lack of knowledge and, I think, also, a very inhibited nature when it comes to sex. Funny thing is, he is so outgoing and totally not shy in all other areas of his life. He loves to be around people. Loves to party, dance, flirt (only with me). In his professional life, he is outspoken and with interpersonal relationships (like with my difficult mother) he is great.
But.. He is very old fashioned when it comes to sex. It's not a religious thing. He's never been abused. He had a very happy childhood. However, he did have a very bad first marriage.
I have tried since the beginning to "show" him how to love. I have spoiled him rotten! For three years I have rubbed his back, his feet, his head. He has been the receiver of toe curling blow jobs. I totally worship his body. I tell him how good he looks, smells and taste.
And this is new for me. I was married for 20 years to a man I couldn't stand to touch me. I thought there was something wrong with me until I met Richard.
About 4 months after we married, I tried for the first time to talk to him about how to please me. About how I feel about him wanting to please me. I made him so sad, he thought I wanted to leave him. I killed his male pride. And I was as gentle and loving as I could be in all that I said.
I have tried several times since then. But lately, I am not so nice. In fact...I'm really blunt and kinda mean. I'm getting more and more angry after every bad sexual encounter. I'm tired of feeling like a cat in heat.
Orgasm has never been difficult for me until Richard. He just doesn't know what to do and is too inhibited to learn.
The good news is, finally, recently, I got through to him about how important this part of our marriage is. He wants to work on it. And I can tell he is trying in bed. But he still acts like girls have "cooties"
Welcome aboard, lorio. Sorry you have reason to be here. I could have written many parts of your post. Several women on her are dealing with men who seem to find sex kind of icky. I hope some men will chime in with advice.
Sorry to hear things are not that spicey in your life.
Sounds like your H has nothing to complain about with toe curling BJ's and all. Gosh my H would give his left nut to say that.
You did not mention if your sex drives were compatable or not. Alot of people here have frequency discrepencies.
You say your H is inhibited how inhibited are you? Sounds like your hands are all over your H. What about you? Obviously you know what pleases you have you ever incorporated that into your sex. I am a clit person. And if my H is alittle to wrapped up in his self or if the position does not allow him to stimulate that part I have no problem taking on the task myself. It took me awhile to be able to do this instead of just get angered by the dissapointment of not achieving O's. And in hindsight I do not know what my hang up was with the whole concept in the begining. If you fear your H would have a problem with you touching yourself in his presences there are things like ball rings with clit stimulators attached which are also great for positions that don't allow either of you to be free handed.
Do you ever watch porn together? There are some porn movies you could slip in that are nothing but movies showing a man how to please a woman and vica versa.
His outgoing personality is not personal. Sex is! Any self esteem issues from the past marriage/relationships while growing up even penis envy (not feeling size appropriate) all show in this realm of a relationship. I think it is easier for a woman to fake the self confidence thing in a sexual nature then men.
But.. He is very old fashioned when it comes to sex
Old fashion as sex in the bedroom and him on top? If that be the case intice him to have sex in other places. If your not lying down then new positions will have to be explored. Old fashion as in the men initiate? If he rises to the occassion thats pretty easy to work around
What do you do to spice up the sitch? Ever just jump in the shower with him and exchange body washes? Cook dinner with his help in just a T-shirt?(do not know if you have kids if so scratch this). Or if you are a little more naughty just dance around in a Boa and undies with the radio on while cleaning. (H need not be present but preferred).
until I met Richard
Ahh maybe it is just the name. Happens to be my H's name also.
I don't think our desire frequency is out of balance. I'm happy with once a week. (if its good) and he is at least agreeable to once per week.
At far as helping myself to the "O", I used to do this occasionally with my first husband. He loved it. This husband would probably be turned off by that.
In fact, I'm sometimes tempted to tell Richard how I used to enjoy sex. In my first marriage, I used to have to try hard not to come to soon. My first H loved everything about a woman. Nothing turned him off. Unfortunately, he turns me off. It's so ironic: Sex was the only thing we got right in my first marriage and sex is the only thing Richard and I can't get right in this marriage.
I felt the same way in the begining with my H. He also has some sexual inhibitions. But you will not know if you don't try it. And really what do you have to loose? My H who use to deny any form of MB now openly does so in my presence. So you never know
I'm sometimes tempted to tell Richard how I used to enjoy sex. In my first marriage,
Yeah I would not think this to good of a idea. But I understand the feelings of wanting to lash out even if it hurts someone at times. If your H already has sexual issues openly comparing him to a past relationship that does not throw a favorable light on him is probably going to inhibite him even more. Drawing him out is your best bet.
Well the BB's are pretty dead on the weekends. I am sure others will be along to help you out better then I.
