H is waking up....but will it last????

[KimDownUnder]

My old thread

Will be back soon to update you all, hopefully this link worked, I often am not good at linking....KDU

[Burgbud]

Hey doll! That link worked like a champ. Looking forward to your update...

[KimDownUnder]

Kismet, Yoyo, Beth and BB thankyou all for your support as my thread was locking up, so here we are onto another one....

Update....

O.K. let's see if I can pick this up where I left off. I think the last thing I said was H had told me he had told OW that him and I were working on our M....

Well then he tells me that he still has one little problem with OW....keep reading before you judge as I know you are all going to have the same reaction.......
M: What is that
H: Well before we were back together I told OW I would escort her to her niece's wedding in early December.
M: Yeah and that is a problem how?
H: B/c OW still wants me to take her and b/c I promised I feel I should still go. This is the last thing and then I am free of her.
M: silence.....(Had no idea what to say as was mad as hell)
H: Are you O.K.
M: Mmmmm just thinking about it, why would she still want you to partner her if she knows about us?
H: I don't really know but I think it is b/c her parents are going too and her Dad cannot get into her car so we were taking mine, I don't think her Dad can go if he doesn't go in my car.
M: Right could you lend her your car.
H: Kim I made a promise
M: Yes when you were single and we are talking about something that is a month away, different if it was next week
H: Look I know you are not happy about this and I can understand why but I have to do it
Anyway it went on for abit and I really felt uncomfortable for two reasons:

1: I didn't feel it showed my H would put me and my concerns before OW which made me very worried
2: I don't trust OW and knew this was just a way for her to stay in control.

Anyhow I left it alone for a couple of days so I could think it over and on Sunday I was at H's place and had another talk about it something like this
M: H I still don't feel comfortable about this wedding thing
H: I know
M: Well I was thinking, what if I spoke to OW and just asked the question of why she would want you to go?
H: You can ask her if you want
M: Really that wouldn't bother you
H: Why would it, I am being honest, I promised to take her and I am going to stand by that promise unless she says she doesn't want me to go.
M: O.K. well we will see

OW would you believe then rings H's mobile within 5 mins of this convo. H looks at his phone and then looks at me...
M: Answer it
H: Hello
H: Not much at the moment, Kim is here
H: Well she actually wants to speak to you
H then passes me the phone.......
M: Hello
OW: What the fu#k do you want
M: Just to know why you would still want my H to go with you to a wedding when you know we are trying to mend our M.
OW: I know you are putting back your M, but he and I organised this before he decided to give it another go with you and what business is it of yours anyhow
M: It is all my business as he is still my H and we are together, I just don't understand how when he has told you it's over that you would still want him to escort you to a wedding.
OW: Listen here, I know he has constantly not kept away from you and you have made damn sure he keeps coming back to you but he is coming to this wedding whether you like it or not.
M: Well I think you are using emotional blackmail but if that's what you need then fine, but stop telling him you are going to commit suicide.
OW: Put him on the fu#king phone
I then said to H she wants you....
H: Hello
OW rambles on about something and then hangs up on him.....

So nothing was really resolved at this point but I said to H look you do whatever you feel is right but I am not happy with this as i know she is just trying to keep her foot in the door. H didn't say anything and I said, why was she even ringing you tonight. H said well I don't know she never said. I said yes but she asked what you were up to so she obviously thought she might come over. H said she probably did but that he would have said no anyhow.
Anyhow we chatted a bit more and I said I had to get home and he said he would see me in the morning for gym.

I left b/c I was so frustrated and I wanted to think this out. I knew I wasn't going to be able to live with him going to this wedding it just wasn't right. So I came up with an idea and thought I would put it to H and it would show me whether he was serious about us and just seeing out a promise and if he agreed I knew OW would not allow it. This is how it went.....

M: Hey I was thinking about this wedding thing
H: Yes
M: Well I know you want to stand by your promise and you know I have bad feelings about it, well I think I may have worked out a way that I can live with it.
H: Yeah go on.
M: Well what if you pick up her Mum & Dad & her and take them to Ballarat for the wedding, but I will travel up there on my own and book a Motel (a different one to them) and you can stay with me.
H: Go on this might work.
M: Well you drive them up there and then come to our Motel, spend some time with me get ready for the wedding, go and pick them up go to the wedding and reception and when reception is over you drop them all at their motel and come to me at my Motel. Then the next day you pick them up and bring them home and that is that.
H: Yep that will be fine
M: You know OW might not like it
H: So that is how it will be that way I haven't broken my promise and I keep you happy too.
So that was arranged and we went to gym and he hung around home for awhile later and then went home. He knew I was going out with Jarrod later.

Jarrod and I went out and then I got a call to my mobile from H saying he would meet us at the pub as he had something to tell me. He came and basically it was as I predicted OW had hit the roof when she heard the plan, called him all the names under the sun and swept everything off his kitchen table on her way out the door.
I said to H does that mean the wedding is off. H said I guess it is. I said I did warn you she wouldn't like it and he said bad luck. So he stayed for a couple of drinks and then got going as he had to work as Security at the Melbourne Cup the next day and had an early start.

Jarrod and I continued our night out until about 1.30am. The next day I went out with the kids to a Cup Day Outing and during the afternoon my mobile starts going off with messages from OW.

They were rude, crude and mean as you would expect and I ignored them for awhile and then wrote a couple back in the end she backed away and I haven't heard from her since. Although Wednesday morning she rang H and said if your W tells you I sent her messages yesterday its all true.....and then hung up.
H is at the "Oaks Day" Races today doing Security but apparently hasn't heard from her again.....

So that is my update in a nutshell....eventful hey. I believe OW is still going to cause more trouble but H and I have decided to try and just ignore her.

O.K. better go for anyone that is still reading this well done for hanging in there as it was a long post....

BB my love thankyou for explaining your version of Bold I much prefer it to my interpretation, you always make me feel good about myself so thankyou......

Tomorrow I will post about how all this makes me feel, don't worry it wont be that long a post......KDU

[WindyCityBeth]

Wow Kim!

You handled all of that so well! You are truly a Wonder Woman. I'm sure all of this was very difficult for you and OW doesn't sound like she is going to make this easy. But keep working with and talking to H in a manner where you are doing this together. I think you are stepping in the right direction. Kim, you are terrific!

BTW, what is it with these OW's? I just don't get it.

WCB

[KimDownUnder]

Beth me either they are a rare breed I tell you. Like how dare she question me he was after all my H not hers I did nothing wrong but she did....go figure......

Can I just say this is a bit about my feelings.......

H seems to be being honest and he seems to enjoy being with me but that's when he is with me.

I know H has got used to having time to himself over the last 9 months and maybe I am looking for a fairytale R, I don't know but i would have thought that he would want to spend a fair amount of time with me considering all we have been through and considering we are supposed to be putting our M back together.

I just find that he can come and go as he likes and I have to sit around and wait to see if he calls or comes over. I am not going to be a doormat. I am thinking I might bring this up and just say something like, I have been noticing that we don't seem to spend much time together do you think there is a reason for that" and then see what happens and what he says but I am not going to sit at home waiting for him, I would rather just get on with my life.

Yes I still love H, but I need to feel it is reciprocated 100% or what is the point. H has been used to coming and going between 2 woman for a long time and maybe thinks he can do that with me as well but without the OW, but I have news for him.

You see I get the feeling that H will see me when he wants but stuff what I want and if H doesn't want to see me then I just have to understand but where is the meeting halfway, I am not sure we have that yet. I am sure H probably thinks things are great and he has said some hints on him moving back but I am no way ready for that yet.

I am sure he thinks that when he decides he will move back that I will just let him well he is in for a rude shock.
Sorry if I sound like I don't like him that truly isn't the case, I am just questioning a few things. I knew this wouldn't be easy so I am keeping that in mind. Butt BB told me to hold on to my dignity and you know what I will even fight for my dignity and my pride. DBing has taught me not to settle for something that doesn't sit well with me. Ultimatley everyone deserves to be happy it is our right and whilst we can be understanding about things and god knows all us Dbers are we do not have to sacrifice anything to get it.

Just wanted to voice this on my board and also so as people see that even though things are going well it's not all hearts and flowers and that this is going to take alot of hard work, but hey if I don't share the hard times as well, nobody will learn from it......So give me your thoughts, i truly am interested.....KDU

[yoyogirl]

Kim...As you know, I am certainly NOT an expert. But I think you shouldn't voice any of your concerns with your H at this point in time. He has indicated that he wants to work on the M, and he has been honest about the OW, and as you have also witnessed, OW has gone ballistic. Although your H has said that he will TRY to ignore OW, he did have a R with her, and I think you should sort of give him some SPACE till he FULLY wakes up. You don't have to sit at home to wait for his calls. You can still GAL, and make your own plans. But perhaps your scheduled Thursday night dates would be a good start to reconnect. I don't think it would be wise or advantageous to totally jump into the sitch where both of you spend 24/7 with each other. Think it needs to be eased-in bit by bit...

[kismet]

Hey Kim, what can I say. Where do the WAS find these wacko people. That woman is seriously la la. Good on you for handling it so well. I love your solution (and love OW's reaction to it).

All I can say is keep on doing what you are doing. If H ever does choose OW~ you will know he is back in la la land and not his true self, so don't let it get to you.

Maybe we could set up an internet dating site so all the OPs could get it on with each other, and spawn and produce some truly twisted kids Sorry I am in a sick mood.

Anyhow, I just have to hand it to you Kim. Put that cape on ~ you are a Wonder Woman!

[KimDownUnder]

Hi guys, thanks Kismet and YoYo for your thoughts....and I do like your sense of humour Kismet.

Well yesterday I was just kind of venting b/c I haven't really been feeling that H is trying very hard but I have calmed down now.

I saw H this morning as he is working for us today and he said he is sorry he hasn't seen me much but it's been due to working Cup Day (Tuesday) and Oaks Day (Thursday) and he has been stuffed in between and limited with money. He was working 12+ hours I suppose. Anyhow he said everything should settle down a bit now and we will be able to start working on our R. He said he could see how I might be feeling that we have been going nowhere this past week.

So there you go lucky I didn't jump the gun I suppose, so we will see what the next week brings. I obviously still have some issues of my own to work through as the fact that I was annoyed yesterday shows me that I have expectations that I feel are not being met so I need to deal with this. I put it all down here only b/c one day in the future someone else may be feeling like I have been and at least they will see they are not alone.

These boards have helped me so much that if someone else can gain something from me being totally honest about my feelings then I will feel like I have given something back....Will update you all after the weekend, I am sure I will have alot more to tell you all......KDU

[kaydeekay]

KDU: You handled yourself against OW with dignity. Kudos to you!!! I can't believe how the OW react when OUR H's want to work on the M. They act as though our H's are not married and only answer to them. The OW in your sitch sounds kinda like the OW in my sitch.

I don't know but i would have thought that he would want to spend a fair amount of time with me considering all we have been through and considering we are supposed to be putting our M back together

I have had that same thought too girl. My H has told me where he and OW had been, and what they've done. But, since he has been back home he has not taken me anywhere. Once I saw H and OW out and he was holding her hand and parading her around like she was some prize pig!

But, I think we just need to give them some time to adjust being back with us...patience comes into play again.

Keep it up KDU, you're doing an outstanding job so far!!! Woo-hoo!

[KimDownUnder]

Thanks KDK at least someone knows how I am feeling. I am a bit luckier I don't have to put up with H seeing OW although he does go back to work today so we will see what happens there as that is where OW is.....sigh......

I had a good weekend on Friday night H took S to the drive-in movies and then had S stay over at his place. They come to my place about 3pm. H had stuff with him to stay the night, which had been discussed before so that was O.K.

We had a coffee and he said he wanted to go to the gym and what time would the older kids be home (they were at their Nan's which they do each Fri night) I told him not until around tea time but that he could go to the gym (I just couldn't as my older kids weren't home to mind S9) so he trotted off and did his workout whilst I continued to do mine as in the housework.

When he got back we had a couple of quiet drinks and then cooked dinner on the B.B.Q (T-Bone Steaks - yummy)It was nice as he was cooking the meat and on the cooker on the side I cooked the onion's. We then had tea, which was rather late b/c of daylight savings (not getting dark until 9pm now) and then we got ready to go out and meet a friend. We did this and got home about 2am and crashed.

Had a bit of a sleep in the next morning till around 8.30 - 9.00am and then we got up and pottered around. Being a hot day again we went and picked up another air conditioner for the back room (As we only had one up the front in the lounge) and put it in the window. This made a good difference to the back half of the house.

We then cooked some Bacon & Eggs, cleaned up the kitchen and then relaxed on the couch watching the Cricket for the afternoon. (West Indies V's Australia) It was nice and relaxing. H went home about 4pm as I had to go out and buy a birthday card for my sister's birthday as we were going to Dad's for dinner. (Which was beautiful, he did Lamb, Pork and Chicken in the Webber).

H has called in this morning to my work after he had been to the gym for a coffee and to say hello as he is on Afternoon Shift this week.

So it was a nice relaxing weekend and I think we are slowly starting to feel more comfortable with each other but I still have some barriers up I can tell. Oh well all in time it should get better......

Now I don't know if I have done anything to offend anyone but it seems a few people have dropped away from talking on my thread and I do miss them, so come back please, I hope it is not b/c you feel you have nothing to offer, b/c trust me you do even if it's just friendship and support. I love my contacts here and love it when you drop by. Anyhow I will still bother you on your own threads nonetheless.

Thanks though to BB, Kismet, Beth, YoYo and KDK for always checking on me, love you guys.....KIM