My wife of 23 years had a short affair this past summer while I was away for two weeks on Air Force reserve duty. She reunited with an old high school flame (classmates.com) and emails led to phone calls which led to a single meeting….I noticed the increase in cell phone usage and then uncovered some emails and confronted her. This is not the first time she has cheated on me. She has had two previous affairs with men that she worked with. She says she does not want a divorce. She says she loves me and that she doesn’t understand how/why she allows this to happen. I love her as much as I ever have…. And our relationship is good again….We are both working hard on our marriage… We seem to have fallen back in love again. We spend most of our time together and laugh and love a lot. Like anyone else I was constantly examining cell phone records and emails after the affair. My question to this community is how do I relax and let go of all the fear that this will happen again? She swears it won’t… that she will seek answers to why she has let it happen…(she is seeing a behavioral counselor/therapist) Of course I have a “hope” that it won’t happen again or I wouldn’t stay in the marriage. I’m open to any advice you can offer on how to relax and trust again…. I worry that eventually I’ll jeopardize the relationship with my paranoia. Thanks!
Part of it is probably keeping the love and marriage alive - it is so easy often times to fall into a rut with one another. Perhaps its then that she seeks the thrill of someone else paying attention to her? This can't be a temporary thing - this has to be an ongoing process for both of you to keep the interest alive. Have you read the book "Light Her Fire?" Small paperback book that has some great ideas for you to keep the marriage interesting. There is also one for her - Light his Fire.
Check it out.
As for the trust issue - she has to earn your trust back - if this isn't the one and only time - its going to take time for you to regain it - lots and lots of patience. Good Luck!
