Quote: I asked my wife if she thought I was angry, macho, manipulative, childish; she said, "No, honey, whatever made you think of that?". I tell her some of what I post on this board and the friendly greetings I get from the other posters.
It kind of depends on what aspect of yourself you happen to be displaying, doesn't it?
For instance, we could have church serving Deacon who does nightly visitation to church members in the hospital, praying with them and weeping with them.
Every night after the Deacon finishes his ministry and leaves the hospital, he drives by a nearby street corner and picks up 2 hookers and what he pays for involves duct tape and sharp objects.
Now, let's ask both groups about our hypothetical Deacon:
To church members, "is the Deacon kinky?" From church members, "no, whatever made you think that?"
To hookers, "is the Deacon kinky?" From hookers, "yeah."
TS, I hope you appreciate the significance of that comment. When someone as obviously long-suffering and tolerant as GEL gives up, it's a bad sign. If you truly want help here, you've got a BIG hole to climb out of. Fortunately, there are people here that will probably throw you a rope if you ask.
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
Two nuns, Sister Marilyn and Sister Helen, are traveling through Europe in their car...
They get to Transylvania and are stopped at a traffic light. Suddenly, out of nowhere, a tiny little Dracula jumps onto the hood of the car and hisses through the windshield.
"What shall we do?" shouts Sister Marilyn. "Turn the windshield wipers on. That will get rid of the abomination," says Sister Helen.
Sister Marilyn switches them on, knocking Dracula about, but he clings on and continues hissing at the nuns.
"What shall I do now?" she shouts. "Switch on the windshield washer, I filled it up with Holy Water at the Vatican," says Sister Helen. Sister Marilyn turns on the windshield washer.
Dracula screams as the water burns his skin, but he clings on and continues hissing at the nuns.
"Now what?" shouts Sister Marilyn?
"Show him your cross," says Sister Helen.
"Now you're talking," says Sister Marilyn.
She opens the window and shouts, "Get the $%&* off the car!"
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
Your welcome JOTI and GEL. How about some more "improvement."
Just The Facts
Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.
Marriage changes passion. Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.
I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it. So I said. "Implants?" She hit me.
I live in my own little world. But it's OK. They know me here.
I got a sweater for Christmas. I really wanted a screamer or a moaner.
I don't approve of political jokes. I've seen too many of them get elected.
How come we choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words: "Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been!"
A good friend will come and bail you out of jail....but, a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Damn...that was fun!"
Subject: sample in a jar
An 85-year-old man went to his doctor's office and while there the Doctor asked for a sperm count.
He gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow."
The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.
The doctor asked what happened and the man explained: "Well, Doc, it's like this - First I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, and still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing."
The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?"
The old man replied: "Yep, And no matter what we tried, we still couldn't get the jar open."
Get you mind out of the gutter.
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
Thanks!