He doesn't even come get the dog. Is he THAT afraid of my mom???
I didn't respond to his e-mail and today I got online and he put his icon to "away."
Sometimes I feel like just calling and yelling at him. Feel like calling him coward and other not so nice names. I am just so tired. I just noticed I have a new wrinkle on my forehead, from thinking and crying so much, I think.
My father suggested that I should invite him for dinner with my mom. She doesn't want it and I feel like it's breaking my LRT resolve to let him chase me a bit.
I would imagine that he is in hiding while your mum is here, he must realistically have no idea what to do or say or how to behave while she is around. I called H weeks ago and him mum who I always got on really well with answered and my heart sunk I didn't know how to act or talk. So quickly mumbled a message for him said thanks and got off the line. She also was very weird not talking and chatty like she had been, I guess she like me didn't know how to react either.
I can see him running a mile from the dinner invite - I know I would - I would make up so many urgent things I had to do just so I wouldn't be in what I feel would be uncomfortable situation.
Besides you mum doesn't think it a good idea - and if it happened by chance that you managed to get him to dinner it could all collapse really fast - just with interactions between H and mum.
I wouldn't do, but then you know them both better than anyone.
I agree with bj, and my guess is that he would decline the invite. He seems confused and anxious when around you, so I doubt he would want to be in the same room with both you and your mom these days. It would be like 2 on 1 )
Give him space and time. He has made moves in the past to show you that he is trying to have contact with you. I'd say in time he'll come to realize how much he misses you... that is, if you give him space and time to actually miss you.
Take care, Ali
"There's a price to pay if you want to make things better, and a price to pay for just leaving things as they are."
My situation
Sorry you are feeling angry. I hate when I have those days. Those are the days I need to avoid H and R talks the most.
If it were me and I thought it would be uncomfortable for anyone, I wouldn't do it. I agree with you that it won't get you any closer.
My MIL wasn't chatty when I seen her for the first time but she called me on the phone one day and was really chatty. Told me she was shocked this was happening and didn't know what to tell me to do. She usually doesn't say much to me so I was shocked she said all that she did.
My H and my mom get along really well but I still think it would be uncomfortable for them to spend much time together. Probably more so for H though.
I come from this great family (which means we are probably the new dysfunctional )
I have three brothers my mum and my stepdad (my father died years ago)
anyhow all of us never ever have held grudges and all try not take sides knowing that we only know one side of a story and not the whole story while at the same time trying to validate how the person is feeling (this is where I have to say my parents did a great job) anyhow I guess what I am trying to say is my mum and step dad miss H - they have never said anything bad about him - not their style - even now they both say if he wanted help from them they would give it to him, if he wanted to talk they would listen.
He knows what they are like and still he believes what he has done is so bad they must hate him. If he thought they would be here he wouldn't come, and he knows them well and always got on with them great. Same thing with my brothers they ask how he is but he thinks they hate him.
They are not calling as they don't know what to say to him, and understand they could make him feel worse - and don't want to mess anything up for me.
It's a fine line this balancing act isn't it how to keep standing in the middle
one side anger is pushing you over and on the other patience trips you up
meanwhile we walk through the maze searching for the exit which has to be somewhere over this emotional rollercoaster
I know exactly how you feel as my family is similar. My ex even calls my sister at times just to talk. My family is very nice and civil to him. After everything he has done, they still wish him the best, and are overly kind to him. My father even helped him move into his new apartment, and gave him some furniture my parents were no longer using. They actually care about him. Sometimes I want to ask him what the hell he cares about.
"There's a price to pay if you want to make things better, and a price to pay for just leaving things as they are."
My situation
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