Well, things with H and I have been really great. About a week or so ago we were watching a documentary series on a Nat. Guard unit that was over in Iraq with my husband. H was able to show me where he lived and other things on the base that he was on over there. He knew several people on the show. It also showed the families at home, their side of the story. It showed one woman on the phone with her husband and she was crying telling him that she didn't expect it to be so hard him being over there and her being at home by herself all the time. OMG I remember so many nights like that. I had to leave the room several times to hide the tears from H. He knew though. He was getting ready to go on a motorcycle ride and he asked if I was ok. I told him yes, he said I could change the channel. I said no, it was ok. I didn't want him to think that we couldn't watch things like that together or talk about that stuff. He came over and hugged me and held me for a minute. Telling me that I didn't have to worry about any of that anymore that it was over. He told me he loved me several times as if he was trying to convince me. I did feel loved and that was what I so desperately needed and have for a long time now. He told me that he understood it brought back bad memories and that he almost cried too.
Then last week H called my cell and left me a message just to tell me he loved me and missed me. That I was doing a good job with everything and he was proud of me. That is something he used to would have done. Things are better finally. He has been a lot more affectionate with me lately too.
I still have days where I can't get the thought of he and OW. H and I never mention that ordeal at all. We want it in the past, but it sneaks up on me sometimes. I guess I feel a little like I am 2nd choice, even though he told me that I was the one he loved and that the only reason he did what he did was b/c he felt like he needed to be with someone that wanted to be with him. I just can't shake wondering if she was prettier than me, sexier than me, etc. I guess if I was 2nd choice he wouldn't be with me right now. Right? Will this ever go away? I want so bad to change and get myself back together. The way I was when H and I met. Make him fall in love with me again, not imagine himself with anyone else again. I want to feel like the only one again. Even though I really don't think H and spoken w/ ow or anything and she hasn't messaged since I told her the messages were to stop. Does this make sense? How do I cope with it. Make it go away?
And then I am a little bothered b/c I just spoke with H and he is working in a town halfway to TX. If I remember correctly H told me before that OW was originally from a town very near where he was today when I spoke to him. I mean she lives in Dallas, but it bugs me. I don't think he was seeing her really, but I don't want to be stupid either. Well, just wondered if anyone had any advice for me on this stuff. H and I seem to be getting back to being "us" again.
Hey Peg! It's great to hear you guys are on a good path. Have you read any books on working past affairs? It's not an issue I've had to deal with yet, but After the Affair and Not Just Friends are often mentioned. You might also try the Pieceing... forum. Should be folks there in similar sitches to yours.
Stop WaitingFeel EverythingLove AchinglyGive ImpeccablyLet Go
Hey Peg...I don't know your sitch, but can I just say something here? My H had his first EA 9 yrs ago and we reconciled. I remember at that time feeling everything you are feeling now. And yes, you do get past it. You do trust his love again, and you do stop wondering or thinking or even questioning about OW. It's a process, it takes time, and it will take both of you understanding each other. He will have to be gentle and patient with you when you ask for the 100th time whatever you feel the need to know. You will have to know at some point, you have your answers, now trust his love and stop reminding him how much he failed you. Show him you believe in him again, he will need that at some point.
And my biggest word of advice...get some of those books, get some counseling and really heal this together. My H and I didn't - we were so happy to be back together and in love again that we just rode that wave and kind of pushed down the reasons for the A, and it ended up we were still dealing with each other in the same ways, once the "newness" wore off again. We never changed the patterns that took us into the mess the first time.
Don't get discouraged, you can do it! And it will be so worth it when you are living a happy life and all of a sudden you realize "I haven't thought about OW for over a year now?!?!" And even the pain becomes a distant memory. I'm so happy for you!
