I have done several posts but not much response I read alot of other posts and I have decided that I don't want my W or M back, maybe if she would change but she will not. I was the one chasing her back for reasons I don't know just scared or starved for sex I guess. So instead of telling her I am telling you that I am saying good bye to her. She was a bad wife with some good aspects but pretty much not what anyone would want. This is not an anger letter and you may want her- she is pretty, nice, doesn't work, clean, cook, take presciption meds all the time, sleeps alot, and has been picked up for shoplifting twice, she has totaled 3 cars in our 4 year M. But she is sweet. Good bye to her hello new life.
Actually 2 posts (now 3) in 1.5 days is pretty good traffic for this forum. If you'd like more, consider posting in Newcomers.
I'm alarmed by your mention of alcohol and of possibly killing yourself, as well as your swinging from one extreme to another in terms of caring about your R with your W. Alright, I know - all of us have our mood swings and changing opinions. But are you really considering killing yourself? If so, I suggest you set up counseling for yourself - if not today, then tomorrow. There are few things as stressful as D, and being brave or flippant about it will only delay your real self-work, such as dealing with this real loss.
Quote: She was a bad wife with some good aspects but pretty much not what anyone would want. This is not an anger letter and you may want her- she is pretty, nice, doesn't work, clean, cook, take presciption meds all the time, sleeps alot, and has been picked up for shoplifting twice, she has totaled 3 cars in our 4 year M. But she is sweet. Good bye to her hello new life.
Do you want us to talk you out of it? At some point in time she had attributes you found attractive...maybe it was just her looks. And I agree that not every marriage has to be saved and shouldn't be. Saying goodbye is a route that any of us can go and the vast majority of us will have to sooner or later. Who is to say you are wrong to want to say goodbye sooner rather than later?
But, don't say goodbye to every aspect of DBing just yet. There are things here to be learned. Like working on improving things about yourself that might not be too rosey or becoming happy with who you are, or determining what you do want out of life, whether it's your wife or not.
Let me ask you...would your wife agree she was a bad wife? Would she agree you were a good husband? I'm betting the answer is no on both. I bet she will tell you there is a reason she chose not to cook and clean like a conventional stereotypic housewife, that she slept a lot, felt the need to take drugs, didn't work, and totalled cars. Maybe she's depressed. Maybe she hated the marriage and felt it was stifling. Maybe she wanted you to see her as more than just a housewife. She wanted you to cook and clean too. I don't know...I didn't live your marriage, but did you choose her for a wife based on her merits as a housewife? If she was so terrible why isn't she the one writing that you walked away from the marriage and that she wants you back?
But that was harsh. I know you are bitter and angry that she gave up on this marriage. It's a phase. I think it's most productive to work through this phase as quickly as possible. Try to see things from her perspective a bit, work on the things about yourself that wouldn't be beneficial in any relationship (including with just friends), and try to realize that your anger stems from what you think was right/best conflicting with what she felt was right/best. I can pretty well bet you that not one spouse that walked away on this board felt they were wrong to do so or not justified.
BTW par4me, maybe it's just me...but I think sweet is one of the best attributes. To me it sounds like you are saying she is a nice person. That really is a good quality. Cooking, doing housework, and car driving abilities not so high up on my list.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
Wow man. Hey, there is only one question here as far as I am concerned. Do you love your wife? Because true love is unconditional. My wife did not cook, do bills, clean, take out trash, show me any kind of affection, no sex, etc.., but I love her. Is she the greatest wife in the world? No. But I love her. Is she even an above average wife? I would have to say no, lol. But I love her. THis is why I tried to save my marriage, and still hope to but am doing it now through me instead of focusing on her. I can remember a million reasons why I fell in love with my wife, but I can only think of one reason I have put up with her this long. I love her. So then, if you love her then go for it. If you don't I agree, why bother? At any rate, follow the others advice with the threats.
