I have pretty much given up, yet once in a while I get a hug deserved or not. If the partner is not actively "attempting change", the ole adage of "you can change yourself but no other" holds so much truth, unfortunately. This is true even if you only seek to revert him/her to his/her old self. The one you fell in love with in the beginning.
I was enjoying the ladies successes, Cine's, HP's, GEL's. I was envious that my negative attitude was likely biting me in the behind. Is it that what we wish is in fact unobtainable? There are many things in my relationship that need help. Communication is paramount.
I read and envy most of your journalistic skills and wish I could make myself that clear. I can "feel" your circumstances as if they were happening here. The "brass" or some of the remarks, something like, "Trade the gift in on something I really want", although sad, had me cracking up in a "you go girl" way.
I see some progress here. Yet I have to accept that doing for me, errands and the like, is all I get, anything UN-personal. Anything emotionally close, washing my back, snuggling, etc is out. Life hurts. Yet that does make my day easier to have errands done. My life is harder for it's not happy. So negative/defeatist, it’s not happy and therefore will not last as long.
I have to get out of the house, I guess, C's suggestion. I have my plants, pets and responsibilities that I have hidden in. Yes, hidden. It's rough to know I have to establish something emotional with someone else; maybe just "candy striping" and doing something nice for someone to get a loving smile. That would go far.
Ladies, oh how I hope you return to the progress side of the journal, where you all have been this summer. I was enjoying your successes. Good luck to us all...
Pity me that the heart is slow to learn
What the swift mind beholds at every turn.
Edna St. Vincent Millay
Re LostGal, Fatalist or reality? I have some of the same issues with BB. I have detached a little each month and have the opinion I have to do for me. I am not going to get much from her.
Quote: I have to get out of the house, I guess, C's suggestion.
Me too.
With that being said, DBing is also for you even if your SO will not work with you. Part of DBing is GAL. Sounds easy enough but for some it is a different or strange path. I am used to working 50 hours a week and always home (boring to sometimes ) but you and I can change. And yes, it is good to hear some of the progress some people have.
If you can't get your SO on board, there is not much stopping you from GAL.
Dang it's been a long time since I've been by here. I see a lot of the same old faces. (No age discrimination intended). Surgery was ok. I guess my libido is down a bit, which is good to a degree.
Out of the blue, I asked H why he married me. OOOH BIG MISTAKE! He was not going to even adress answering that. I said it might help me work on my short comings if I could sence what I had changed. Or bring up good memories at least.
Well, at least things are better in the 'around the house' stuff.
Glad to see you folks again.
OH I may have a first, my C retired. Isn't it normal for the patient to move on and not the C? *hehe*
Pity me that the heart is slow to learn
What the swift mind beholds at every turn.
Edna St. Vincent Millay
Trying to be realistic and acepting. Trying to remember all the good reasons, and find them again, for the partnership in the first place. Trying to get over my cynicalness and trying not to invent too many words. I have some business stuff that isn't going too smoothly and I was reviewing what was said about the change in the beginning. Mainly "This is good for us" came to mind. Well my cynacism brought forth "The first letter in US is YOU!" For some reason that helped.
A mom dedicates herself to her spouse and kids and seldom does the selfish thing. Later when empty nesting sets in and you start to look around and want/need some "for me" consideration, the change in personality from giving 99% to taking at least 50% is a startle to those around her. If you understand that it is different for those around her too and try to be a bit flexible......well I'm hoping this will help.
I've started home improvement. ROFLOL the designer even sent back the first plans with no "Review these and we'll set up an appointment for modifications". He literally dumped em. But I got the leaks in the barn fixed, and the loft repaired so noone should fall thru the floor.
OOH the edging on the walks and patio has been done. OOH it looks nice. And I TRIED to really downplay the "its about time", (15 years) and was told, its so hard to do that for the crab grass just grows over em. Well, its about the no germination "halts" stuff in the spring and if you keep em edged the roots wont jump the air as much and....(ooh how tired I am of the excuses). It was discussed that once a year could be tried instead of once a decade! The place looks better and that is good for the spirit. It is so true what they say about girls being more concerned with their surroundings and as long as there is function, the guys not caring. I have found tho, if you compair your life to a classic car all buffed and polished and restored, there is a better understanding of why you have to get the screen redone or the window calked vs the cardboard patch for when the lawnmower thru a stone....
Well the place is looking better, and in that regard there is comfort. Sometimes he leans forward for a goodnight kiss. His eyes are tender, and I know he means well, yet so much has happened to suggest that he only thought to get climax and there was no emotional tie durring love making/sex that I wonder if I'll ever be able to believe that all guys just understand what to do to prime the gal for their own benefit and really don't mean anything by it in the giving/caring sense. OOOOH I'm jaded. Someone pls tell me I'm nuts and that there are those out there that mean to get close to a person intimately, tenderly, sincerly and have some sex too.
Pity me that the heart is slow to learn
What the swift mind beholds at every turn.
Edna St. Vincent Millay
A I wonder if I'll ever be able to believe that all guys just understand what to do to prime the gal for their own benefit and really don't mean anything by it in the giving/caring sense. OOOOH I'm jaded. Someone pls tell me I'm nuts and that B there are those out there that mean to get close to a person intimately, tenderly, sincerely and have some sex too. Lostgal, sometimes it is A and sometimes it is B . Depends on the man and the situation.
I only mentioned A&B , there are more reasons.
Later when empty nesting sets in and you start to look around and want/need some "for me" consideration, the change in personality from giving 99% to taking at least 50% is a startle to those around her Yes there is a shift.
If you understand that it is different for those around her too and try to be a bit flexible...... Good advice.
the cardboard patch for when the lawnmower thru a stone.... Did hairdog's lawnmower throw another rock?
I case you missed it, Lil had a broken window. Hairdog finally admitted it was due to his lawnmower throwing a stone. Boy Hairdog's lawn mower must be one powerful machine! That is one way to chuck his rocks.
OOH God, now I have to appologize to H again for it was Hairdog!..*mumbles and walks away*
Quote: the cardboard patch for when the lawnmower thru a stone.... Did hairdog's lawnmower throw another rock?
I case you missed it, Lil had a broken window. Hairdog finally admitted it was due to his lawnmower throwing a stone. Boy Hairdog's lawn mower must be one powerful machine! That is one way to chuck his rocks.
Pity me that the heart is slow to learn
What the swift mind beholds at every turn.
Edna St. Vincent Millay
I was reading GEL on Lou's thread...ooh she still has it handled so well. The post...
What is it that the gladness leaves us with age. I think it may be because we loose track of what to look forward. How many times I've said that to H about his negativity. Yet with writing this thread I've seen that I'm no "glad" deamon either! Thanks you two!
Pity me that the heart is slow to learn
What the swift mind beholds at every turn.
Edna St. Vincent Millay
) but you and I can change. And yes, it is good to hear some of the progress some people have.
That is one way to chuck his rocks. 