Here is a story that illustrates what kind of work is meant by you " . . . have a lot of work to do to even understand yourself" - still_hopeful . I know, you guys have probably already seen this story, it's made the rounds, but maybe some haven't.
This husband comes home on Saturday afternoon after a round of golf looking tired, angry and unhappy. His wife goes in self-analysis mode.
"What's wrong? Is he unhappy with something I have done? I know we haven't had a lot of communication lately. He's probably unhappy with me for something. What is it? What can I do to bring us closer together? Maybe if I fix his favorite meal for supper. I know, I haven't been as supportive or as loving as I should have been. He probably doesn't look at me as attractive as when we were first married. I'll fix up the house and put on some soft music and take a bath and put on some perfume and some sexy underwear and seduce him tonight."
And so it happens. And this is what the wife relates to her friends, in endless detail, the next Monday.
The husband relates the same weekend thusly to his friend at work: "I played golf Saturday morning. Shot a 96. I can't putt for [censored]. Got laid Saturday night, tho."
"The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong in the broken places." - Ernest Hemingway, A Farewell to Arms, 1929.
I'm not exactly sure what your point is. But what I am trying to tell you is that you prob. aren't a bad guy, I don't know you well enough to say. But you do have some communication issues and issues with judging others apparently. I have my issues too, and I love to have them pointed out to me. The whole purpose of this board is for us to grow into people that can better relate to and communicate with others and to feel good about ourselves. I see that rather than look inward for the answers, you look outward to blame and judge. It is not going to help you in life to do that. So I am sincerely offering a suggestion to you that I think you ought to look into and I know I've suggested this to you before. Now I'm not going to bother with this anymore. You rubbed me the wrong way, I'm over it, hopefully you are as well, and I don't think this board ought to become one of hostilities. I do think perhaps you best ought to leave NYS alone as you obv. have issues there and I think it borders on harassing him, and maybe I am a little defensive of NY, but I think he is a wonderful person and I don't like to see him being treated the way you treat him. It is uncalled for. It is really uncalled for in any threads, and please don't bring me into this anymore. Refrain yourself, please.
O.K. TS I concede you did do a wonderful thing for that 1st time poster as you linked in Still Hopeful's thread so it is nice to see what you did. Yes I noticed, by being your hardar$ed self you got people to go over there and post so well done.
Now with what you posted over there what is this about you and Wife spending Sundays together, I don't get your sitch, please tell more or a quick run down, maybe then I will understand you a bit better.....KDU..Hey at least I am trying to work out where you are coming from, give me credit for that at least....
TS: the story you posted is intriguing. I think to me it says that there are many differences in the way men and women think. I think perhaps, men are not as simple as they appear in this story. At the same time the story reminds us not to 'ASSume' as Sage would say.
Now with what you posted over there what is this about you and Wife spending Sundays together, I don't get your sitch, please tell more or a quick run down
Now, what I meant was, Tambo struck a cord with me when he described the foot rubbing and everything because my WS likes that (she will stick her feet out sometimes, almost like a cat, as if she expects the rub). I enjoy doing it because she likes it, but what I really meant by not stopping there is this is our prelude to sex or more often postlude. While we are on the subject, after the bomb dropped, my WS said she was surprised at how sexual I found her, after the initial earthshaking shock. She said she would find it very hard to forgive me if the roles were reversed. Maybe I am too easy to please, I don't know. But after the initial devastation, our sex life is back to what it has been, pretty much, except I find it hard to stay hard, so to speak (?!) for long periods of time, which I/we attribute to age (we are both 58). So we work around that. Anyway here is another link about that:
So I wasn't trying to make any big deal about anything. I just thought it struck a cord with me. Anyway, I thought the story about the man and his wife was kind of funny, with my unique warped sense of humor.
"The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong in the broken places." - Ernest Hemingway, A Farewell to Arms, 1929.
TS - Thankyou so much for answering me. I will post more but I am off to update my sitch and then I am going to read yours, so I can give a proper reply, thanks again for replying and I will be back soon....KDU
