Ok, I am going to have to type my entire story over again. I searched and searched for the one I already typed, but couldn’t find it anywhere. Warning! This will be forever long. That is no exaggeration. Please bare with me. I feel like I should include as many details as I can. I am sure I will leave some out and then think of them later, so I might jump around some. I will try to make this as easy to read as possible.
I should start by saying that my husband and I used to think we were untouchable. Nothing could break us. We would always be together. We didn’t think we would be able to go on without the other. We have had some pretty difficult times. Things seemed to be getting better for us, but then DH got called to active duty for the Army and went to Iraq. He was over there for a year, not to mention the 5 months of training out of state before he left the country. Altogether, he was out of our home for nearly 2 years. My husband is in the National Guard and neither of us expected him to have to go. We thought our world was falling apart. He left the country in March of 2004. He came home for his R&R that August and everything was wonderful. We actually got pregnant while he was home. He was only here for 2 weeks. Then he finally returned home this past March. We had the baby in May. While he was over there we would talk about how if he could just make it home our life would be perfect. Everything would be great. Boy were we sadly mistaken. While my husband was home for those two weeks he found out that the company he worked for had given his job to another guy b/c they needed someone right then. Now, my husband knows his rights as far as the Military is concerned. They told him that they had a different job for him that would be a promotion and he could be at home more, etc. In all honesty this is the job that my husband wanted all along, so it was going to work out good for all involved. So, we just knew things would be awesome if he would just get home to me. Well, just before my husband came home from Iraq he checked with his job to be sure everything was still on go for his new position. It supposedly was still all set. Well, when DH got back he had bad dreams about being over there, so his Dr. gave him some sleeping pills so he could sleep. Well, he didn’t like the way they made him feel so he stopped taking them. That really doesn’t have much to do with my story, except that it shows that being over there has affected him. Well, when we got back home from picking DH up, he thought he should start back to work very soon. He was afraid that if he didn’t he would sit around and dwell on things he didn’t need to be thinking about meaning Iraq. Well, when he went back to work they told him he had to go back to his old job (the one he had even before the one they gave away.) They told him he needed to do that for a year to get reaquainted with his job. Whatever. That was unacceptable. He knew he would have to do that for a few months, but not a year. So, he talked to them and they agreed for him to just go back to the old position for two or three months. Well, three months went by and they kept putting him off and putting him off. Finally the told him that before he could start this new job he had to go to Dallas to school for 7 weeks to learn everything he needed to know for his job. It seems like he just got home and we had a 4 week old baby at home. Did I mention we had my 6 year old step-daughter for her six week summer visit. Not that I mind at all. We have always had a relationship like she was my own. She even calls me mom. I have been around every since she was 2. I drove an hour to pick her up every other weekend when it was our weekend (even when he was in Iraq). I drove her an hour to my husbands parents on those weekends and also to see his grandma. I dealt with his ex among other things that only one that loved my husband so much would do. My husband said he was very scared to tell me that he had to leave for that long, but said it would be ok b/c he could come home on the weekends. That made it seem much better. Anyway, I was a single mom for 7 weeks. My husband left the weekend before the 4th of July. He was supposed to come home that next weekend and spend the 4th. He actually got to stay until the 5th, but told me since they got those days off that they would have to work the next two weekends. Well, ok that made sense. So he stayed in Dallas those 2 weekends and was supposed to come home the 3rd one. Well, he called the week before to tell me that the company was only going to pay for him to come home one more time as well as the last drive home when he was finished with his school. We had planned a date way back when he was still in Iraq to go see the Dukes of Hazard movie when it came out. Well, my husband said since he was coming home for that then he would just wait until the following weekend to come home. I was not happy that it was going to have been a month since our baby had seen his daddy, but I dealt with it. Then I figured out that the movie didn’t come out until the weekend AFTER hubby was going to come home. So, I brought it up again. He got mad at me. I lost it a little bit. I was stressed. I needed him at home and I didn’t care if we had to pay our of our pocket to get him there. He was mad that I brought it up again. He said we had already talked about it and now he would just be coming home 3 weekends in a row. It made no sense to me though. I thought he could still come home on the original weekend and then not the next and then he would just have 2 weekends in a row. The one for the movie and then the last trip home for good. Anyway, he got mad and said that he must be an aweful husband and maybe I should find someone that could give me what I want! Where on Earth was this coming from. I told him I didn’t mean that at all, etc. Anyway, I tried to calm him down a little. But I did say that lately I worried every time we had a fight. He said that we made it through a year of him being in Iraq he was pretty sure we would get through this too. So, then I felt a little better. He didn’t come home that weekend., but he did come home the following. We had a pretty good weekend that weekend. Now, this next part of my story I should begin by saying I have never been a great housekeeper and since the baby I am even worse. Everyone says I spoiled the baby. I held him too much, etc. That is why I didn’t get anything done. I am sorry but when you and the baby are all the other has you tend to stick together. Ya know? Anyway, that next weekend was our date weekend and hubby wasn’t supposed to come home until that Saturday morning. Well, every time hubby was supposed to come home I made sure you have the house in at least decent shape before he got home. I might wait until the last minute, but it gets done at least decent. Well, it was about 8:30 Thursday night and hubby walks in. I felt like a little girl that had been caught. I was sitting rocking the baby and the house was a PIT! I immediately felt I needed to explain. Hubby just gave me a kiss and started cleaning the house. I told him that if he would take the baby I would do it. He just kept cleaning. I finally got the baby where I could put him down and started helping. Hubby finally sat down. I tried to see if he was still mad. He really didn’t say much. He did say that he understood that babies need attention but I give him my undivided attention. He told me that before he left he was very supportive of me not feeling like it or being too tired to do much of anything and he told me it was ok, but it was getting time for it not to be ok anymore. I agreed. Things seemed better after that. Then that night in bed we were just laying there he just looked at me and rubbed my face. I felt such love. I told him that I was sorry for the house again. He said he was too. He said that when he walked in the house he wanted to turn around and go back to Dallas. I told him I was glad he didn’t and thanked him for not doing so. He said he just wanted to come home to a halfway decent looking house. I just said I was sorry again. Then the rest of the weekend seemed to go really well. We had a good time at the movie and everything or so I thought. More on that later. Then that Sunday my hubby went back to Dallas for his last week of school. He called me during that last week and told me they still wanted him to do the job he had been doing before. That they still thought he needed to have a year experience. He was NOT happy. All this school and time for nothing. I talked to my husband every day while he was gone, but I did notice even before all that house stuff that he rarely ever answered his phone when I called or replied to my text messages. But I thought nothing of it. Then he came home the next weekend for good. I thought things would go back to normal, but they didn’t really seem too. He was distant. Not just from me, but from the baby. He didn’t talk to him or play with him much at all. I had to ask him to help me with him and he would help, but I felt like I was putting him out by asking. I would have thought he would have been the one to tell me what to do since he had already had a baby before. Well, several days went by. I noticed my husband always thought of somewhere to go. He would run to the store or run to work, etc. Then one night he actually was supposed to get off work early enough to spend some time with us. He called me on his way home from a job he had been on. He was with one of his bosses that was a close friend of his. He told me that his boss wanted to stop and get some beer before heading home. So, I didn’t think anything of it. He called later on and said something about having to work later the next day. He said, it’s just more money. I told him I didn’t care about the money I just wanted him home. He said sure you don’t. He told me he would rather make money. When hubby got home he was in a VERY good mood. A better mood than what he had been in a long time. He told me that he had a beer before he got there. Normally I could have cared less about that, but I felt like he had to drink to be happy to come home. We were across the street eating dinner with my parents. I guess I was acting pissy with him. He asked what was wrong. Normally I just get over things quickly, but I was having a hard time ignoring this. So, he got mad at me. I just tried to play it off and forget about it. Well, he decided to head back to our house. I followed. He was sitting in his recliner and I told him I had just fed the baby and asked if he wanted him b/c he was happy. He said yeah I will take him. I had to run back across the street to get something at my parents house. When I came back my husband was sitting in the recliner his legs crossed with the baby laying on his leg. Hubby’s arms were folded and the baby was screaming. I asked how long he had been doing that. He said ever since I left. I grabbed the baby and hubby hopped up and aid I will be back. He was going to go on a motorcycle ride somewhere. On the bike he just had to buy the Saturday after we brought the baby home. I said no, don’t go. I told him I wanted to talk. He just stood by the door. I asked what was wrong why he never wanted to be at home anymore. He told me that he didn’t have fun with me anymore and that I never do anything with myself. The house was never clean, etc. He said his son screamed everytime he touched him b/c he works so much and is never home. He said that things that happened in Iraq were still on his mind and bothering him. His job was stressing him out and he wanted to quit. He said he was tired of fighting. I got him to go in the bedroom to talk. I asked him if he still loved me. He said yes he did. He said that he wants things to go back like they were before he went to Iraq. He told me he remembered when I was his best friend and when things happened I was the first person he thought of to share it with. He said that it wasn’t the fact that the house was never clean it was that and me not caring enough to do anything with myself, etc. Made it obvoius that I wasn’t happy either. He said he has always told me that he didn’t marry me b/c i was a good housekeeper he married me b/c of who I was. He said that it wasn’t the baby weight I gained either he said he could care less about that. Anyway, I just couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I finally asked him if he thought he could be happy without me. He said eventually he could. He said it would tear him apart, but he thought we both could. He said it may not be two weeks from now or 6 months but we eventually would move on. I asked if that was what he wanted. He said no, he said he wanted to work it out but he didn’t know where to start. I really didn’t either. So, we talked a little more and even though I didn’t feel like we accomplished much I let him go for a ride. Then we tried to pretend nothing happened except my husband was even more distant than before. We had my step-daughter that weekend and there were a few times I thought things would be ok. Then my hubby said he would take SD back to her mom’s. He called me when he was leaving there and said he was going to go by his parents to say hi. Said that it would give him a good excuse to leave quickly with me and the baby not being there. So, I said ok. He called me on his way home. WE were supposed to eat at my mom and dad’s for supper. I asked him what all he and his dad talked about. He told me that he told his dad about us fighting all the time. He said his Dad told him it was his fault that he wasn’t going to say anything but it seemed like Iraq changed him. That unless hubby was in a conflict or fight with someone he didn’t seem happy. That was part of what my husband told me was that he didn’t know if it was him being stressed and he was taking it out on me or what. But I think his dad just confused him even more. Anyway, I decided that we were going to get out just the two of us. I was going to have him take me on a ride on the motorcycle since I had never been on it before. I had arranged for my parents to watch the baby so we could spend some time together. They knew something was up but didn’t ask any questions. When hubby got home he told me “I might as well go ahead and tell you, I have to go to work for a little while later, but it won’t take long.” So, I thought ok. I figured it would be later. We went to eat across the street and I needed to run back home real quick for something for the baby and before I could get back hubby was right behind me saying he was going to work now. I thought we were going to get to do something before he had to go, so I just used that time to get all fixed up and do something with myself while he was gone. I was all fixed up and got an idea. Everytime hubby has to go out of town for something I always send some panties or something with him. So, I decided to look for the last pair I had sent to Dallas with him. So, I started looking in his bag. I found panties alright! Not mine! Some nasty thongs that I know were not mine! I couldn’t believe this. I felt sick at my stomach. But I couldn’t cry. I was so mad. I didn’t know what to do. I had half a mind to go to his work and walk in in frnt of everyone with them and confront him, but was afraid he was on his way home and I would miss him. So, I just couldn’t wait anymore. I called him. I asked if he was on his way home. He asked what was wrong and I couldn’t wait til he got home. I just asked “who’s panties are these?” He just said, I will talk to you abou tit when I get home. OMG ! I was pretty sure I knew what happened, there weren’t many other options. If it wasn’t true why didn’t he just say it wasn’t what I thought. That would have helped a little. Well, he walked in and said "“ went out with a woman 2 times while he was there"” HE said that was it. He said nothing happend. He said he didn’t even kiss the woman. He told me that the last time he went out with her was the night before he came home and his truck was already packed up. she told him she left him something to remember her by. He said that she wanted more, she wanted him to go homewith her but he said no that he had a wife and baby at home. He told me that I was more than just a piece of a$$ to him. He told me that he went for a year without me in Iraq and didn’t do anything there. He said he knew that I could cheat on him easily and he said he knew he could me also b/c it was there, but he didn’t do it. He said it really came down to him needing to talk to someone. HE said I was the problem so he couldn’t talk to me and that he didn’t need a buddy telling him what he wanted to hear. He said that is why it was a woman. She was married also and having problems. He said that it started by them at a bar kind of drowning their sorrows. This allsuposedly happened the last week he was there. I asked if he had planned on telling me. He flat said no. He asked me if I remembered when we were laying in bed before he left for Iraq and he told me that if I had a weak moment while he was gone that he didnt want to know about it, but not to let it happen again. He said he had a weak moment. I asked him why he didn’t just tell me when I called him so frantically when I found the panties. HE said that I deserved to see it in his eyes that he was telling the truth. He said he knew we had always prided our relationship n the fact that we could trust the other one completely. He said that he hoped we could get past it. He said he didn’t want me to think that he was trying to make things work just b/c he got caught b/c he was trying before he got caught. I just really couldn’t say anything. I didn’t know what to say. Then b/c I wasn’t saying anything he said “I will just leave” I told him I didn’t want him to leave. I told him that the fact that we have always been so honest with each other and that he had up until this is why I believed him. I told him that I wanted to go for a ride on his motorcycle. So we went for a ride. WE went to the park. He toldme he wished that it hadn’t had to come to this before I would ride his motorcycle. HE also said he was scared that this would all happen again in 2 weeks. He told me that he felt lost. That the only 2 things he could count on before he left was his job and coming home to me and right now he didn’t feel like he had either one. I truly felt like I was looking at a lost little boy. I didn’t know what to say to him . I just rubbed his back and held on to him. Then we left. I was not sure if we got anywhere or not. The next day we went to work. I went to school I teach kindergarten and he went to his work. I couldn’t get it out of my mind that he turned to another woman. It bothered me more than I thought it would. I go t mad and felt more hurt than the night before. I guess I was just so relieved to find out that it wasn’t what I thought it was. I gues it settled in more the next day. Anyway, I am going to go ahead and post what I hve so far. This story is by far over. I have so much more to tell. I told you it would be forever long. I wasn’t kidding. I just dont’ have time to finish. It may take me all weekend to get it all typed b/c my husband will be home and I don’t want him to know I am still dwelling on this. At lest not righ tnow. He would probably feel like we had regressed if he knew I was getting advice still. So, here is the first installment of my novel. :-) You may want to save your advice, etc for when I finish b/c you may change your view the more I tell. But I would love any feedback so far if you want to share it. Also should I start a new thread for my next part or just continue from this one? THanks so much for hanging in there with me. I appreciate it.
Hey Peg! So far so good. I have two recommendations for you. First, throw in some paragraphs. Don't worry about making it seem longer, the white space just makes it easier to read. Second, type your follow-ups in this same thread. It's much easier to follow a person's story in a single thread.
Good luck! And watch out for carpal tunnel.
Stop WaitingFeel EverythingLove AchinglyGive ImpeccablyLet Go
Ok, I have read a few more posts since I posted my first installment of my story. Hopefully, I can type it a where it is easier to read. I apologize for taking so long to continue, but H and I were so busy this past weekend. Ok, here comes more to the story.
8-22 This is the night after I found the panties. I went home from work and wasn’t going to say anything to H about my new feelings about the panties and him going out with this woman. I actually had spoken with a friend about H feeling so lost and that things from Iraq were bothering him. Things he had seen and done seemed to really be weighing on his mind. I thought about calling one of H’s buddies that was over there with him. He needed someone to talk to that would understand. So, when H went to bed I went to his phone ONLY with the intentions of getting his buddy’s phone number. Well, as I was scrolling through is contact list I saw a few phone numbers that I didn’t recognize. That made me curious. I decided to look at dialed and missed calls. There was a Dallas number that had been dialed several times during the day and even at night. So, I dialed it. It was to Applebea’s in Dallas! Now, why in the world would he need to call there? I also noticed a number in his list of contacts titled. GPTC. I really didn’t know what it was, but for some reason thought it was the Training Center that H was at in Dallas. No big deal to me. Well, somehow and somewhere I saw a title of Laura. Didn’t really think much of it, but I couldn’t find it again. It wasn’t in the phone book of contacts, but I know I saw it somewhere. Anyway, H had told me about a girl he met in Dallas that her boyfriend lived in Oklahoma City and was in Med school or something. That she was nice and they talked as friends whenever he went to the restaurant. See that is what I am talking about with H and I. We completely trusted the other person, so when he told me about Laura several weeks ago I thought nothing of it. It didn’t worry me in the least. But since he told me about her that wasn’t the part that was bothering me. It was all the calls to Applebea’s. So, I went in and asked H if I could ask him a few questions. He rolled over and said yes. He said he understood that I needed to know. So, I asked him when the last time he talked to this woman was. He said the night before he came home from Dallas. I said ok. What was her name. He told me “Alene”? Ok, so I told him that I was looking for his buddies phone number in his phone b/c I thought he needed to talk to someone and I asked him why there were calls to the Applebea’s in Dallas. I asked why he called there. He said to talk to “her”. I asked why. He said to tell he he didn’t want to talk to her anymore. That he couldn’t give up on what we had. He said that he talked to her about everything. His ex, his daughter, me, and our son, etc. I asked him what she said when he told her that. He said she understood but if he ever needed to talk then he could call her. I said ok. I asked if there was anything else he needed to tell me. He said no. He said that was it. I did slide the question about that GPTC number in and he did say it was the training center. I guess I still had an aweful look on my face and I knew I was shaking. He said I will just leave and started to get up. I told h im no, that I didn’t want him to leave. I just need the whole truth if I am going to get past this. He said that the fact he had still been talking to her was all. And I said, “and nothing happened?” He said no. So, I let it go. We went to sleep.
8-23 I woke up to go to work before H did. I was just about to leave when I felt the need to check his phone again. I turned it on and there was a text message. From GPTC? Ok, only cell phones can text message and why would the training center send him a message. So, I read it. It said something stupid like I had a brain fart and immediately thought of you. Ok, so what. No big deal, but I called that number and of course a woman answered. I just hung up. I walked in the bedroom and back out. Kind of pacing. I started shaking again. I just could not believe this was happening to me, to us. We used to be so happy. Anyway, I walked back in the bedroom and H woke up and looked at me. He said you look pretty. I said thanks and then I guess he saw my face b/c he jumped up and said I am leaving. I asked him why. He said because he didn’t want it to be like this every day from now on. I told him it didn’t have to be and he said that it would be. I asked him why. He said “because I f%^%ed up” I looked him in the eyes and asked “how bad?” Perfect opportunity to tell me if something else had happened. He said “just what I have told you.” I said ok, then we can fix this. I begged him not to leave and to take the day off work and us go somewhere to talk and spend time together. I finally got him to agree to it. So, he got ready and we took the baby to the sitters. I still at this point had not told him what I found. Mainly b/c I was afraid he would just leave. I wanted to wait until we were further away so it wouldn’t be so easy for him to split. And I know it sounds like just the opposite of how it should be. He should be begging me to let him stay. But regardless of his actions I still love him. Anyway, so we got about 30 mins. from the house. I finally asked him why he didn’t just tell me who’s number GPTC was. He said b/c he didn’t want to make things worse. He just wants it all to go away. I asked him who all knew about this he said no one that it isn’t something he was proud of. Anyway, we kept on driving and went to stop at McDonald’s for breakfast. Of course, I wasn’t hungry, but he was. As we were walking in he turned to me and said “ I do love you.” He hugged me right there and kissed me. This was the first time since all of this started that I really felt like he meant it. We decided to drive to Oklahoma City b/c we used to go there a lot. We talked about things that we used to do that were silly. Like throwing cold water over in the shower while the other was in there. Things like that. He told me that would just piss him off right now and that things wouldn’t be that normal tomorrow or even a long time from now. He said it would take time. We got off the interstate and had a little fun if ya know what I mean. Then we got there and went to eat and really just drove back b/c we had to go get the baby from the sitter. On the way back H was trying to show me how to 2 step with his fingers to the music. And all be darned if our song didn’t come on. I tried to hold back the tears, but couldn’t. He didn’t even acknowledge that it was our song. Anyway, I dried it up. As we were getting back to town I told him I had a few more questions that I had to ask. He seemed irritated but told me to go ahead. I asked him if he called this woman b/c he was interested or just needed someone to talk to. He said he needed someone to talk to. I also asked him if he saw her the day he came home from Dallas b/c he didn’t leave there until late. He said no. Then he asked me why I waited until we were back to ask. I told him I just thought of them and wanted to get them out before we got home. So, then we tried to drop it. We had a pretty good evening. There was no mention of it the rest of the night.
Oh, I just remembered something I should have mentioned in my last post. This was the day before I found the panties. H came home from work with a tiarra/crown he bought for my step-daughter. He said he and his boss/buddy bought it at a flea-market. I didn't think anything of it at the time of course, but she loved it and he took a picture of it with his phone. That comes into play later in my story. Just wanted to mention that before I forgot.
Ok, I am going to post this much. Will continue with the next day in a little bit. Thanks in advance.
8-24 Well, H and I both went to work today. Things seemed ok before bed the night before. Of course, I still couldn’t get things off my mind. After school (I teach Kindergarten) something possessed me to look at our cell phone bill online. I was looking for numbers that I didn’t recognize and could be OW. Well there was another number that was dialed an average of 6 times a day. More so since H got home from Dallas. I dialed it. But no one answered. I wrote down the suspicious ones and took them with me. But I also looked at the date that this number first showed up on the bill. Well, it was long before the last week H was in Dallas. The last week H was in Dallas was Aug. 8-13. The number starts showing up on 7-24. And after thinking about it that was only a few days after H and I argued about him coming home that one weekend. Anyway, that freaked me out. I was on my way to get the baby and didn’t know what to do. I knew that if I confronted him about it again he would just leave. So, I called his best friend that he works with. He is also my friend. We do lots of things together with he and his wife. I hesitated to do this, but I didn’t know where else to turn. I needed to talk to someone that H might have spoken with him about our problems or anything. I just wanted to know how to help him and how bad things really were. So, I called his friend. I told him everything. Our friend told me that he loved us both and that I needed to do what I needed to do. I needed to think about that baby and set a good example for him. He said that H hadn’t told him about anyone else, but he had noticed the phone calls. That it didn’t seem to be me he was talking to and that H would walk away or leave the room whenever he talked on the phone. Now, I was afraid that this friend wouldn’t tell me what he knows out of loyalty to H. This friend did say that everyone has noticed that he is different and not himself. Well, I was balling so our friend told me to go get the baby and meet him at his house. So, I went to get the baby.
I ran by the house to get some things ready for the baby. As I was doing this my cell phone rang. It was one of those numbers that I called from the phone bill. It was a woman. She said she just saw this number on caller ID. I said “Is this Alene?” She said huh? Then I just asked “may I ask who is calling.” She said this is Laura. Ok, I felt some relief for some reason. But then I asked her if she was the one with the boyfriend in Oklahoma City and if she knew my husband, etc. She said she was a bartender at Applebea’s. Ok, Then I asked if H had talked to her about us. I was crying by this point. She told me to hold on let her pull over so she could talk to me. She told me to calm down. She said that H had told her that he had gone to Iraq and that it caused him a lot of grief and that we had a beautiful baby boy, etc. She did say though that H told her that I asked him for a Divorce!!! OMG what the ??? Even after all this mess I still can’t bare to say the word divorce. She said that she may have been half ass listening or something. She said that she met H when he and the guys he was in school with came to the bar at Applesbea’s (which I knew they did regularly, no big deal at the time). Said that H was even trying to set her up with one of them. She told me that she walked in on her boyfriend in the act with another woman and that they were in the process of working things out. I asked her if she knew about his woman that H had supposedly gone out with. She asked her name and said there was no one that worked there by that name. I told her where he said he met her and why he had called there to talk to her. She said that a bunch of people from over there go to applebea’s to drink after their shift b/c of their specials and that he may have talked to her then while she was there. Then, I asked Laura if she was the one that left him her panties and she said no. She kept saying calm down. She said she would answer any questions I had and be very up front with me. I asked her when the last time she talked to H was. She said oh about 4 days ago she guessed. So, I said ok. Then I asked her since she had been in a cheating relationship that seemed to be worse situation than mine if it was possible to get that trust back and be ok again. She asked “he is still sleeping in bed next to you isn’t he?” I said yes, and she said then it is always possible. She told me that one thing she wouldn’t do if she were me was tell him that I talked to her. She said that was a sure way to piss a guy off. Go through his phone records etc. I said Ok, and asked her if she was going to tell him. She said NO, why would she tell me not to do something and then turn around and do it? So, I took her for her word. She told me all of the numbers that were hers so I wouldn’t think they were anyone else. I actually felt very relieved after talking to her b/c he had told me about her and all. She told me before we hung up that I could call her any time if I wanted to talk. I told her thank you and goodbye. Then about 10 mins. later she called me back and gave me another number that might be hers on the phone bill so I wouldn’t freak out about it. I thought how nice of her. She seemed really sincere. Then I got the baby and we went over to our friends house. H’s job required a lot of late nights on the job and usually this buddy of his worked them too. He just happened to be finished that day, so we headed over there. Ok, here is a good point to post what I have so far. I need to go get the baby now, will post more when I can. Thanks again for hanging with me. More to come.
Ok, this is continued and the same day as I left off earlier.
8-24 We got to our friends house. I talked to him a little bit. I told him I was wondering if H was telling me the truth about how far things actually went. I will just call this friend L. L told me that he couldn't tell me that b/c he didn't know. He said that the phone calls didn't surprise him b/c of the way H had been behaving. Anyway, while I was there another friend of mine whom I had looking over the phone bill for another number called me back. She said that she thought Laura was the one. That he talked to her or text messaged her 12 times one day. And that was after he got home. So, I didn't know what to do or believe. At this point I didn't know how to pull up the most recent phone calls on the cell bill. H called me while I was over there. I told him where I was. He thought that was odd and I could tell he thought that. I didn't tell him why I was there. I just said they got a new puppy (which they had) and I was over there seeing it.
Holy Cow, I just realized I left out a part of the story before I ever even called H's friend. I stopped to get gas before that and H called me. This was after I had already tried to call the numbers from the phone bill and before Laura called me back. H didn't act funny at all. I mentioned that I had seen the cell phone bill online and that it was 700 dollars! He didn't seem surprised. Anyway, I was in the middle of getting gas and he was working so he let me go. Ok, now back to sequence.
H told me that he was starting the new job they had promised him this entire time the very next day. He was sooooo excited. I was excited for him. He seemed like his old self. That should have taken some of the stress off of him. We talked more in detail about the job and all and then I mentioned that I had looked at the cell phone bill a little more trying to figure out why it was so much. Of course, I am hinting and giving him every chance to just come clean and tell me what he knew I already knew and what he knew I was getting at. But he didn't he just said really, well maybe I can call and make some kind of arrangement with them. I said you think you can? He said he would try. Any time I mentioned the cell bill he wouldn't say anything or just say yeah, uh huh, or ok. He knew exactly what I knew, but he just didn't acknowledge it. Well after we hung up I decided to try to get on L's computer and see if there was any way to find most recent calls. I FOUND IT! Laura is a LYING BIOTCH! She called him as soon as she saw my number the first time when she didn't answer. They talked for like 9 mins before he called me at the gas station. I guess he was calling to see if I was going to say anything and then Laura called me when I got home. So, it took them 9 minutes to get the story that Laura gave me together. I was fuming. He had also talked to her that morning. I still didn't know what to do though. I knew that if I brought it up to H then he would just give up and say he was leaving. L told me that I should have his stuff packed when he got home and make him leave. Give him a night away to think about things and he would be back begging me to let him stay. I doubted that very seriuosly. Him leaving seemed to be my biggest fear even though I should have wanted to literally kick his butt out. Anyway, H called me a few times more before I left L's house. I didn't get it and I still don't. Why not just tell me that it was Laura all along. Wouldn't that have been the easiest thing to do? Or I guess that if I thought that Laura was just a friend then he could still talk to her? But that didn't make that much sense either b/c I didn't know he was talking to her anyway. It is fishy to me.
Well, when I was on my way home from L's house. H calls me and asks why L is coming out to H's jobsite. I told him I didn't know he was (I really didn't) but I guessed it was to talk to him. He asked me why. I told him b/c I talked to him and H wanted to know what I told him. I told him that I told him everything b/c I needed to talk to someone that H might have confided in and could help me to understand. H started getting mad saying he would never call my best friend and do that. I mean he was fixing to let me have it, so I said I looked at the phone bill. I saw all the numbers and I knew he had talked to Laura and it took them 9 minutes to come up with that story. And I told him that I knew he knew I had talked to her and asked why she lied to me and said it had been 4 days since she had talked to him. He said " I don't know". He lied again for some strange reason and said he hadn't talked to her since that morning. Whatever anyway. He just said fine, f74k it then. After work he would just come get his stuff and leave. He said he was done finished with it and we would just chalk it up to a good 5 years while it lasted. I said NO, why are you just giving up. If he would just be honest with me about everything instead of me finding bits and pieces every day. He said no he was through with it. He was tired of fighting. I begged and begged him. I told him we could get past it and that we could be like we used to. That things were already looking up b/c of his job and everything. He said yeah, he thought so too, but he guessed he was wrong. I just kept trying to talk him out of it. He said no he was finished with it. It was over and he was done fighting. The more I argued the more mad he got. He finally ended up hanging up on me. I called L and told him that he was leaving and begged L to take me with him to H's jobsite. L wouldn't he told me that if I went with him H wouldn't talk to either of us. There was nothing I could do, so L told me that if their talk went well then he would tell me how to get to the location. I had no choice but to agree. I went home and called H back. I am surprised he answered. Well, I begged some more and he was not budging at all. I told him that I still had faith in him and he said did you ever think that I didn't have anymore faith in myself? I didn't know what to say. I asked him why we couldn't work at this. He said b/c he skrewed up. I was fighting a losing battle. Then he started to almost mock my effort to get him to stay and I got mad (which I never do) and I told him he was going to f876879g listen to me. Oh yes, that went over well. He lost it and hung up on me again. I called L back to see if he was almost there. L said he just pulled up and was going to talk to him. I said ok, but he is losing it.
Oh yeah I also took the baby back to L's wife to stay while we hashed this all out. So, gladly he wasn't around any of this hostility.
But I decided that if H was leaving he wasn't going to leave me looking like crap. I took a shower and fixed myself up. I had already decided I was calling in to work the next day, so I would see him before he left. He tried to tell me before he hung up on me that he wouldn't get off work until I was probably already gone to school the next day and that is when he would get his stuff and leave while I was gone. I wasn't about to let that happen. He was going to have to look me in the eyes and leave. After I got ready I couln't just sit still and I hadn't heard from L or H in a while, so I got in my car and decided to head in the direction of the town H's job was in. I couldn't stand it any longer, so I called L. He said that H was just tired of being unhappy. Tired of not feeling anything. L said he asked if H was in love with this other woman. He said that H said "no, it's not like that". That he loved me. L told him that he needed to go home and sleep on it and not make any rash decisions that night. L offered to stay and do H's job for him so he could go home. L said that H had left about 30 mins ago and to his knowledge he was going home. I asked if he thought he was still leaving. L said he didn't think so at least not tonight. So, I turned around and headed home again. I got home but H was not there. I started cleaning the kitchen and I heard H come through the door. He didn't so much as glance in my direction. I expected him to start getting his stuff, but he just went straigt to bed. He faced the opposite direction I guess so he wouldn't have to talk to me. And of course I couldn't leave well enough alone, so I started trying to talk to him. Still facing the opposite direction H told me that the only reason he was there was b/c he was too tired to drive back to his hometown where his parents live and that he would still be leaving in the morning. I started to panic. Even after all this I still loved him so much and didn't want him to leave. Am I a glutton for punishment. I should be kicking him out he should be begging me to let him stay? Anyway, I tried to talk him out of leaving a little more and then got frustrated and told him that he couldn't look at me b/c he was afraid that he would see what he was doing. He jumped up and said "you wanna see how scared I am?' He started packing his stuff. Something triggered a switch in me. I lost it. I begged him not to go, I physically tried to hold him there, blocked the door, made a real idiot of myself. He just kept saying no, he was finished. He said he was tired of fighting. He told me that he did love me but I would be fine. I told him I knew he didn't want to do this. He said no, but sometimes you have to do things you don't want to in life. I followed him well more like ran after him to his truck. I got in the way of the door of his truck. He just threw his stuff in the back and stood there. I kept talking repeating what I had already said. I told him I could get past this and I wouldn't even snoop anymore. He said he didn't care about that. He said again he was tired of fighting. He said that he fought for over a year while he was in Iraq and thought when he came home he wouldn't have to fight anymore. He said that is all he has had to do. He said that he fights for everything he gets and work and fights with me and his family and he was sick of it. He said that if he was just by himself then everyone would be happier. I told him that was not true. That he didn't have to fight anymore. He just needed to let me in again.
Oh yeah, something else I forgot to mention. The night I found the panties and H was explaining them to me. He said that he went out with this woman also b/c he thought that he and I were done. Even though no one bothered to inform me that we were over. I knew things were a little rough but never dreamed it was so bad. He said that we had been fighting? We never fight. I guess he just meant the distance b/w us. Ok, back to the story.
Just when I thought I was getting somewhere with H he would say no, he was through. I finally let him get in his truck. He sat down and said if I thought this wasn't tearing him apart it was. I just said "then stay." He said no, he was finished. He told me that I should get a lawyer and he would pay for it. That freaked me out. I said no, please don't do anything like that right away. Give it some time. He said fine and that was all. I asked him where he was going. He said he didn't know. I told him he didn't have to go that I would let him go to sleep. He said that was what he was trying to do. I told him ok, he could come in and I would leave him alone. So, he got out and came back in. He went to bed on the couch and I went to the bed. Before I went to bed he asked if I was going to school/work the next day. I told him no, so I could help him get stuff together. He said ok. And that was the end of that lovely evening.
I am going to go ahead and post this much. Will start another installment in a few minutes. Thanks again.
Well, I woke up and H was still asleep. He seemed to be sleeping well. I didn't want to disturb him, so I just layed in bed and cried. I needed to talk to someone. So, I made the choice to text message H's mother. Maybe a bad choice, but I did it still. I didn't tell abou the OW. I just told her pretty much the other stuff going on and that H was leaving, etc. She said that she just couldn't accept that. She said she really couldn't believe that was what he wanted. She said maybe he just needed some space. I said maybe. I told her what he said about the house not being clean and stuff like that. His mom said that was petty and just an excuse that a man would give for something else. She also said that she didn't understand why he wasn't getting close to the baby. I figured out that maybe b/c he was afraid to get too attatched if he was just going to leave like he evidentally feared would happen eventually. I don't know. But I thought maybe she could make me feel better. Not so much. Then H woke up and we started getting his stuff together. We finally got it together. I asked him when he was going to tell his parents. He said he would have to tell them tonight b/c he had to have somewhere to go. I said ok. I then asked what he was going to tell them. He said that he would tell them we were getting divorced. I didn't say anything and then he asked what I wanted him to tell them. I told him I didn't think he was going to do anything like that yet. That he was going to give it some time. He said ok, then he would tell them we were separated. I just said ok. Then I asked if he would sit down b/c I needed to ask him something I had been dreading so much. I asked what we would do about the baby. I told him I couldn't bare for him to stay one night away from me yet, much less a weekend or something. Especially since he cried so much when H had him. H said he would just spend time with him at our house for now. So, I felt a little better. That was a big thing that I was worried about. How was I going to let my baby go for a weekend and six weeks out of the summer? That broke my heart too. Anyway, I told H that I would miss him. He said he would miss me too. Then he got up and walked to his truck . I don't think he wanted me to follow but I did. I gave him a hug and he just half hugged me. He got in and his window was rolled down. He was in his company truck so he said he would try to get his personal truck later that day. He said he would see me later. I told him I loved him as I stepped back and he didn't say anything, so I said and I knew he loved me too. Then he drove off. I tried to fight the tears, but I couldn't.
I went in and tried to gather myself and headed to go get the baby. Then I passed my mom on her way home. I thought I was going to have to tell them sooner or later, so why not now. They knew something was up, but not what. I walked in almost in tears. And she acted mad at me. I asked what was wrong and she said they were tired of being lied to. I just kept telling them that H and i needed some time to ourself b/c we hadn't gotten any in a long time. Well, they weren't buying it. I told her that I didn't want her to worry and that he was gone. She asked why. I still didn't tell her about the OW b/c I knew that if somehow things worked out they wouldn't be able to forgive that. I just told her about the problems we had and that H was having issues from being in Iraq etc. She told me that she was sorry and told me not to chase him. She said that she knew from experience. She said that if he came to his senses I didn't need to let him back in immediately. I just agreed b/c I didn't know how I would handle it. Before it happened to me I thought everyone deserved a second chance. Anyway, she told me to go get myself together and get the baby and come spend time with my family that loves and supports me. She gave me a hug and I felt better. So, I went home and got myself together a bit and got in the car to go get the baby. As I was pulling out of the driveway. My cell phone rings. It was H. He said hey what are you doing? As if nothing had ever happened. I just said I am going to get the baby. He said oh ok. I just kind of sat there for a sec. Waiting to see what was up. He said "well, I am coming home". I said ok. I didn't really know what to say. I wondered what had changed. He said he talked to L again. I still really didn't know what to do or say. I had my mother in the back of my mind telling me not to let him back in immediately. I just said, ok, well I just gotten used to the idea that you were gone. He said ok, then I will just... I cut him off and said no. I told him to come home after work and we would talk about things to see where to go from here and how to fix things. He said ok. Then he had to go back to work. We said we would see each other after he got home from work and we hung up. I was still confused. Anyway, I need to go get my baby from the sitter and head home. H is out of town today and may be a little late getting home, so I may be able to try to finish this up. There really is quite a bit more, but not too much. Thanks again. More to come.
8-25 Well, H called after work to tell me he was on his way. I left the baby with my parents across the street. I came home and waited. It seemed to be taking him a long time, so I called him. He said he was talking to his Dad. He didn't sound happy about it, so I was assuming his mother told his father that I told her and his father mentioned my conversation with his mother. He finally came home and walked right in and sat in the chair. He said "thanks for calling my mom." I told him I didn'tknow what to do. I needed someone to talk to that knew him and toldher that I was worried about him. I wanted them to know what was going on and that I was not the one giving up. Anyway, he was Pissed about that, but not too bad.
I just came out and asked him what changed his mind. He said that he just couldn't do it. I said do what? He said couldn't get a divorce. I said that if that was the only reason he was staying then I didn't want that. He said "I don't want to lose you." Ok, that was a start. I told him that I needed to know the truth about the Ow. I told him that I pretty much knew what really happened, but I needed to hear it from him. He started getting huffy again. I said ok let me ask questions. I said I knew he had talked to Laura before she called me. He didn't deny that. I told him that he told me it was the last week he was there but the phone records show Laura's number all the way back to July 24th. I said what about that. He said that was in black and white. Ok, not sure what that meant, but ok. He said "I told you about Laura a long time ago." I said I know. I said ok,so there really were 2 different people? He said yes. I said and nothing happened with either one of them, he said no. Ok, then I asked where he met this "Alene" person. He said at a bar. I said you told me you met her at a restaurant, he said yes at the bar. Ok, I asked where she worked. He said he couldn't remember what company, but she was in design, and he kind of hesitated and said architectural design or something like that. I just said ok. I askedif he was going to keep talking to Laura. He said no,so I asked if he had talked to Laura that day. He said no, but he did talk to her last night before he came home. I asked him he had told her he was leaving. He said yes. I asked what she said. He said she told him he needed to be sure that is what he wanted to do. I said ok and then told him that Laura told me I could call her if I ever wanted to talk. He said really b/c she told him that I asked if I could call her!!!!! OMG! She is a lier. I didn't say that though. I said you wanna know what else she told me. He said no he didn't care. I told him anyway, that she told me that he told her I asked him for a divorce. He said no,I never told her that.SHe must have been confused. I said I guess so.
Then I told H that I was totally embarrassed for the way I acted when he was trying to leave last night. That I have come to my senses and I am finished being passive. And that I would not be so understanding a second time. We talked about other things and that we have not had a chance to be the way we were since he got back from Iraq. When he got back I was pregnant and we had so much to do to get ready for the baby. Then after we had him well that is self explanatory. Then he had to leave for 7 weeks and that is where this all started. We needed to give it a chance to get where it was.
I told him that I got something in the mail from our Family Readiness Group that had registration for the last Marriage Retreat for the military families. This is where they councel you on how to hold things together after you return from war. I told him that was a few weeks ago and I threw it away thinking we didn't need that. H said "maybe we do." I told him I would try to see if I could get us in. He said ok. I also asked him why he hadn't called the number his dad gave him that would get him some counceling. He said he didn't have time. I just left it at that. We made headway with the Marriage Retreat. Then we decided we would start there to get things back the way they were. To get the baby and go eat. Then we went driving. It almost seemed like old times. But I know it couldn't be back that quick. Also I forgot to mention that I talked to H about the baby too and how he acted. He said he has never been good with babies. He said that he loved him and just didn't know what to do when he cried. I understand it is a guy thing, but I think our relationship stress didn't help all that. After all I was probably understandably neglecting H b/c of baby. Anyway, I better go. Don't want H to walk in and me be telling this story and it make him think things are worse. So, I will write more as soon as I can. I will pick up with the conversations we had that same night while we were driving. We drove out of town close to where H's job was the night before. Anyway, I am outta here for a bit. Thanks again for keeping up. I should be finished w/in my next few posts. I apologize I know this is LONG. More soon.
OMG! I just about had this finished and then somehow I lost it! So, here I go again.
8-25 H and I took the baby and went to get something to eat. We talked about how I acted the night before. He told me that L told him that I did exactly the opposite of what he told me to do. L told me to pack his stuff and tell him to leave. H told L that is what I should have done that I should have stuck up for myself. Anyway, H said that he told L "she tried to tackle me L." We laughed. H said that we would probably look back on that and laugh five years from now. I sure hope so. Anyway, with H's new job he gets to buy a new vehicle to use for a company truck. So, he was taking me to look at a truck that he had seen last night. Things seemed to be a lot better and almost normal even though I know that it is too soon for that. The rest of the evening went well.
After that night nothing else was said about any of what had happened. Things were getting better. Now, we still had some times of awkward silence, but it was not as often. Back when things blew up that one night before I found those stupid panties H told me that if I had noticed he wasn't saying I love you to me much it was b/c he was pissed b/c he felt like I was fishing for him to say it. We talked a long time ago about how if you say it all the time they just turn into words you say out of habit. Anyway, H has started telling me he loves me again. I do love him very much, but just for that reason I usually let him say it first. I say it too though. I can tell it pisses H off when I am constantly asking who it was on the phone or who that message was from,etc. But I can't help that. He doesn't say anything really about it though. I also still feel the need to check his cell phone dialed, received, and missed calls. Also I check sent and received text messages. So far nothing has shown up. I also check the online phone bill for recent calls or messages that might show up. So far he has been true to his word not to contact OW, well as far as I can see anyway. I figure that the Lord will allow me to find things I am supposed to find and I will find it when I am supposed to if there is something to find. So, things kept getting better and that brings us to 9-12.
9-12 I should start this day by saying that H got a new company cell phone, so I will no longer be able to check the phone records. I will still check his missed, dialed, and received calls. Also text messages when I get a chance to look at the new phone. His old phone is still in working order for the time being.
Well, H left before I did this morning for work. I was all ready to go when I got the urge to check his old cell phone for recent activity. Well, I turned it on and there was 1 new text message. It was from OW! It said "I still miss you." Ok, first reaction was to freak and puke, but I got to thinking. 1. He really hasn't talked to her since he told me he wouldn't b/c surely they are both smart enough not to use that cell phone b/c I can trace any call to the bill immediately. 2. He had not given her his new company cell number. 3. She could be an even if he isn't talking to her she still misses him message and her last attempt at him. If I had been smart I would have called her and told her to leave my husband the hell alone, but I didn't. I did, however, take H's old phone to work with me in case she messaged or called again. When I got to work I looked on the online bill to see when she sent it. It was either this morning or the day before. So, I knew what it looked like when she sent him a message. I mean what it looked like on the bill when she messaged him. It came up his phone number. Which pretty much explains some other text messages that I noticed on the bill that came up his number. I pretty much figured out I think that when an incoming message comes in it shows up H's number on the bill and when he messages it shows the person's number that he sent the message too. So, the messages I couldnt' account for were incoming and some of them I knew who they could have been too bc I was with him when he got them. And of course I asked about them. :-)
Well, I started messing with his phone and for some reason I decided to look under sent multi-media messages. These are text messages that you can attatch a picture to that you take with your camera phone. Well what do you think I found! Messages that he had sent to OW! My heart sank. Once again I felt my blood turn cold. Now, most of those messages were stupid, but there were 2 of them that broke my heart. BUT the call time and date indicated that these messages WERE sent BEFORE he said he wouldn't talk to OW anymore. That still didn't take the hurt away. The first message that bugged me was a picture of H and L's motorcycles next to each other and it said "Aren't these bad ass, wish you were here to ride with us, I miss you so much!" Stab to heart #1. That tells me that he evidentally took her on rides in Dallas and makes me never want to get on the stupid thing again, but the next one hurt the most. It was a picture of step-daughter with her tiarra/crown on and it said "This is a bad picture, but she loved it. I almost cried. I love you so much, miss you!" I thought I was going to puke. I mean could a married man fall that quickly in love with a woman other than his wife and the mother of his newborn baby in only 3 weeks? I didn't know what to do so I called a friend of mine. She said that she didn't think that was possible. She said he may have just been caught up in what was going on at home and work and she was his support. He could have just been saying what she wanted to hear and he could feel stupid now for saying something like that. She told me that I needed to figure out if he was still talking to her and if he was he needed to GO! I agreed there, but I had no evidence that he had been in contact with her since he said he wouldn't. She said something to me that really made sense. First time, shame on him. Second time, shame on me! I still didn't know what to do. Things seemed so much better and like I said maybe he feels dumb now for even saying that. So, I decided that for now I would say nothing, but keep my eyes open. I couldn't help how my feelings were hurt though. I was pretty mad too. I went home and tried to act as normal as I can, but it was strange. My attitude changed a little bit. When H would mess with me and tease me normally I would have played the passive sissy girl, but instead I was I'm not scared of you independent woman kind of attitude. Funny thing is that H really seemed to respond better to me like that. Like he liked when I was like that. Then I thought. That is how I used to be a long time ago and then somehow I got to be so dependent and passive where H was concerned. This is what he wanted back. This is what he means when he says he wants me to be like I used too. So, things actually got even better. I still struggled with the issue of if I was going to mention the messages or not. I felt so sneaky. I would carry his old cell with me and then replace it exactly in the position it was in last time he saw it. He must not realize that those messages were there or else he would have already deleted them or at least taken his phone with him. Well, my cell phone went dead at school one day. So, I plugged it up when I got home. I was able to talk to H on the phone as long as it was plugged in. I was about to go somewhere and I told H that I thought I would just take his old phone since mine wouldn't charge yet. He aid ok. He was going to get a haircut before he came home. Well then we got off the phone and he walked in the door before I could leave. He said he was changing clothes or something. I figured he had just realized those messages were on there b/c when I picked up the phones to see which one had the most charge he said that those nokias charge pretty quick and darn it they both had the same charge so I no longer had a reason to use his old phone. Well, I left before he did to go to the bank and the grocery store. Oh, did I mention when he walked in earlier I was on the computer. He was very suspicious of that. He asked what I was doing. I said just checking my e-mail. Ok, then I left. I was at the bank and up drives H on his bike. He said they couldn't get him in today, so he went to the store with us. That was odd normally I would have thought he would have just gone home. Maybe he was really trying. Then the next day I had to go get my nails done and he was going to get his hair cut again. After his haircut he showed up at the nail place and sat with me while I got my nails done. Hmmm? I liked it. I knew that. When we got home both days I checked the old cell to see if he had deleted those messages, if he had I would say something and it would give me good reason too, but he hadn't. Which pretty much confirmed he didn't know they were there. In a way I wish he had before I found them. Anyway, we went to my sister's house one night and I truly on accident forgot my phone at her house. So, the next day I asked H if I could take his phone. He said yes, he didn't care. So I took it no big deal. The messages were still there. Don't ask me why I tortured myself, but I felt sick every time I looked at them. Well, the fact that he didn't care if I took it made me feel better. So, I no longer carried it. I just checked it when I got home each day. OW never called or messaged that phone again. I deleted that message she sent last, so H never got it. I kept looking on the online phone bill to see if there was any activity on H's part. I didn't find any. I thought this is good b/c it means maybe she gave up and then I thought bad b/c she may not have called or messaged it b/c they were talking some other way. Like he contacted her to give her his new number or they were talking on the internet, but surely he wouldn't do that under my nose. I don't know if any of my rationalizing makes sense or if that is exactly what I am doing. If I don't want to believe what is right in front of me. But I did have a legit reason when/if I mention those messages as to why I had his phone now. Tha way I don't look as sneaky.
9-16 Well, this week H is getting ready for a big week next week at work. He has big bosses coming in for the open house of H's new shop and also for a golf tournement for people in the oilfield. H is not a golf player, but is going to have to get used to it with his new position. He is now a salesmen and sells the jobs that the guys do that H used to do. He used to call himself "oilfield trash." We had a dinner the next Wed. and Thurs. night at the country club. Big change for us! Anyway, since I found those messages I have been checking H's company phone whenever I can. This morning I checked it while he was in the shower. I didn't really find anything except there was a text message that was in his "drafts" which meant it hadn't been sent yet. It said "Here is my new number so you have it, it was good seeing you again. H." That bugged me b/c last week H spend 2 days working out of town talking to company men, etc. The town he was in is an hour and a half from home, but you have to go through there to get to Dallas. I worried that OW might have met him there, but that message was pretty vague. It could have been a company man he hadn't seen in a while or something. And besides if it was her wouldn't she already have his number to have set up the meeting and it probably would have been a little more personal than that. Also, I talked to H both days he was there working and it sounded legit and he sounded alone or I could here his work buddies in the background. So, I decided I wasn't going to let something as vague as that bother me.
9-17 Well, today we went with H's sister to take her girls and step-daughter to the fair. H actually rubbed my back and put his arm around me and held my hand! He initiated all this on his own. This is the first time he has done this! He also held my hand in the car. And then that night in bed he told me he wanted to make love to me. It wasn't just sex like before. We actually felt something ya know? Things were so much better.
9-19 Things seemed to get better every day. H had to work late tonight to cook and get ready for their open house the next day, so the baby and I went to keep him company and meet his new boss and everyone. It was nice.
9-20 I went on my lunch break to eat with H at his open house. It was nice to be included. Then that night after it was over H and I ran back to his shop to get some left overs to take home for dinner. While he ran inside I decided to look at his phone. I noticed that draft message was still there unsent. All other calls were legit. So, we went home. THen for some reason I asked to use his phone and he was messing with it when I asked. So I walked in the bedroom with it. I noticed that the draft was gone. It freaked me out. He had deleted it. I was in there for a while so he came to check on me. Guess he was wondering if I was snooping b/c when we got out of the car I asked who called and he told me and asked if that was ok. Anyway, I was really bothered that he deleted that message and really debated on if i should mention the other messages or not. But instead I went in the den while he was cleaning his golf clubs and told him I was sorry for all the questions. He said questions about what. I said the phone and everything. He said well, he figured I would get over it eventually either that or it will drive us both crazy. He said that is how he knows we will never get back to where we were. I told him that we would too. He said that there are days when he knows we will too, but then I start digging again and he worries we won't. Well, I decided to drop it. I told him I would get better about it. And we left it at that. Because it really could have been to anyone. Then I decided that at some point I was going to have to start trying to trust him again and give him the benefit of the doubt again. I decided that this would be as good a time to start as any. Everything happens for a reason and I would find out when and if I was supposed to that is if there is anything to find out.
9-21 Well, we went to the first dinner at the country club. It was fun. H told me I looked really good. Then when we got there he introduced me to some people and some of the guys joked with him saying that isn't the woman you were with earlier. NOT FUNNY! But I knew they were joking and didn't know why it wasn't funny. Anyway, they started playing music there were a few couples out dancing and then they played "When A Man Loves A Woman" and H asked me if I wanted to dance. So we danced. He held me very close. He kissed me several times and told me he loved me. This was awesome. It felt almost like we used to be. That night we went home and made love again. The next morning we did again and this time he looked at me and said he had missed me so much. He said he had missed us. I said I had too, but we were back. Things really felt good again. The other night when we were on our way somewhere he said things were finally falling into place for us. I really felt a big weight has been lifted off my shoulders since I stopped driving myself crazy checking up on him. Now I am sure I will check here and there, but not as much. And I do still wonder about his phone calls, etc. And H sometimes just tells me he had a phone call and is very vague about things I think sometimes b/c he wants to see if I am really trying to not worry about it.
So, I actually think that is pretty much it. I am sure I left something out somewhere and if I think of anything I will add it.
Well, is there anything I should do different? Things seem good now, afraid to rock the boat. They are still getting better. He and the baby are great too! He seems to be trying really hard. Is this worth saving, it is to me. I just wonder if I am being stupid. I am willing. I am hoping that my thoughts in the back of my mind will eventually go away. I want to feel like I am the only one and have always been the only one he has ever loved. I want us to get back like we were if not better. Any suggestions. I am willing to chalk this all up to him being in Iraq and impairing his judgement. Anyway, Is it even possible to get back the awesome relationship we had and eventually pride our relationship on the fact that we can trust the other again? Just need opinions. Any questions or if you need more details in order to understand or make suggestions I will be happy to add them. Again, I can't thank you enough for hanging in there with me. I am finally finished. YAY! I look forward to hearing your thoughts. Have a great day and I will check back later!
Anyway, Is it even possible to get back the awesome relationship we had and eventually pride our relationship on the fact that we can trust the other again?
It's happened many times. But are you guys trying to go forward all on your own? Are you just trying to get back to where you were before all this went down?
Because if so, I think your odds of successfully reconciling would be higher if you found a good marriage counselor, or at least read some books together. If the two of you don't learn how to make things different and better, how can you know you won't fall into the same patterns and end up back where you were? You want to make sure you're both actively working to build your R and make it better than it was.
Is your H willing to make his life more transparent to you so you're comfortable that he's no longer involved with OP?
Stop WaitingFeel EverythingLove AchinglyGive ImpeccablyLet Go
