Quote: How do you get men to talk about their feelings?
Some are so private that this is impossible. Some have "pre conceived notions" on how they should behave, say, do.
Don't let him get away with it. You have to push for an answer. Try the "blonde" approach. "I don't understand. What did you mean by saying xyz, by doing abc, why do you sleep on the sofa? Is the bed too hard? Should we go shopping for a new matteress? (I like the pull out sofa idea, but keep in mind it hasnt worked for me.)
Be prepared to learn things about what your standing is in his mind. EG: I had sex that hurt in '87, last year I was told that he didnt want to hurt me. Well that was pure bunk as that was taken care of with the gyn way back then. You may be supprised on some of the answers you get.
Your sitch is hard on me, as H thru out his back 23 years ago and slept in the LR for 10 years claiming the bed was too soft. I got the firmest matteress I could find and put plywood between the matteress and springs, that was still too soft. When we got to this house. He rolled over and a sleeping arm clobbered me. I was almost in tears for no good night kisses even in a new home. No dreams, goals for this new place. So...I came dn stairs to the sofa, and have been here for the last 13 years, I now make myself comfortable and pull it out and enjoy the almost queen size.
Push your H. Get him to tell you why he wont join you...(I like Lou's approach clean the room and pile things on the sofa see what happens for a few days...)
Pity me that the heart is slow to learn
What the swift mind beholds at every turn.
Edna St. Vincent Millay
My wife frequently sleeps out on the couch; I snore (or so she says), and she's also an insomniac. For awhile, we had a system where she'd sleep out on the couch Sunday through Thursday nights, so I could be rested for work, and I'd sleep out there Friday and Saturday nights, so she could have the bed and get some better rest.
While I was laid up post-knee surgery, I was on the couch full time, as our bed is somewhat high and awkward to get into with impaired mobility. Now she's currently out on the couch full time, recovering from her foot surgery, though maybe only for a couple more weeks. (She was thinking clearly, though...she pulled out the sofa sleeper.) We may go back to the swap-off schedule once she's properly recovered, unless we can figure out a way to allow her to sleep in the same bed with me again.
I occasionally have fallen asleep on my recliner, and she sometimes wakes me up when that happens, because she worries about me and whether I've left my contact lenses in. (I'm trying to be a little more aware of that myself, taking the advice of my optometrist to not keep my lenses in as long.)
- "A"
"Everything that happens, happens. Everything that, in happening, causes something else to happen, causes something else to happen. Everything that, in happening, causes itself to happen again, happens again."
choc, does she wake you to come to bed or not? If she does get your ass in there. Get your ass in there anyways, if she says 'you are hot' get closer be obnoxiously funny about it, then roll over to the other side. Stop personalizing it. Better yet take the initiative and make sure you both go to bed at the same time. I dont know your sitch that well, but make sure you give her a kiss goodnight. Is she anti PT or just ML? You can sleep on opposite sides of the bed and still reach a hand over and place it on her leg or back, in a reassuring type touch, not needy or grabby.
Quote: You can sleep on opposite sides of the bed and still reach a hand over and place it on her leg or back, in a reassuring type touch, not needy or grabby
This is what I often do. My W says I'm a "heat engine." I have toyed with the idea of just pulling all the sheets off the bed when she says this, and turning the ceiling fan on high.
Hairy, H used to say this about me. Now HE is the one snuggling up to me, every night without fail.
Isn't that interesting?
Suddenly he's not that hot anymore. He's saying it's the weather but I doubt it. We've had the same weather changes the entire time we've been married.
