I`m Celestial, & I`m happy to announce my h & I are trying to work on getting our M back on track. I was over at MLC since the beginning of h`s MLC, But Karen A. suggested I might try over here for the advice I need.
Let me fill you in on my sitch. M 48 H 42 M 13 years D 28, SNL 27 S 23 Granddaughter 5 months S`s GF 21
Back in July of 04, I busted h trying to hook up with women on the internet. This was 1 month before my D got married. H was upset because her father was walking her down the isle & not him. So I understood his crazyness. He begged me to forgive him & I did.
A few months later my S gives us the news that his GF is expecting a baby. H didn`t take the news very well. He started acting strangly but still I didn`t think there was much to it. In Jan. 2005, I lost my job of 19 years, 2 days later, h dropped the bomb. I was shell-shocked, no job, no h. I decided to take unemployment & go to school. H left to stay at his parents while the house was empty. They would be gone 2 months. He told me he needed time to think. He thought alright, right to an OW.
I did all the wrong things like we all have until I found this BB. My life hasn`t been the same since. H came back in March, but didn`t want to be here. I DB`ed my a$$ off, & by this time, his OW was slowly being dumped by him. H then went back to on-line hook-ups. He tried to convince me that we were through. He went everywhere & did everything without me while I watched him leave the house. I started to go out myself.
I never dated, but met alot of guys to talk to & lift up my PMA. The last straw for me was in June, when my Dad had to have emergency surgery on his heart. Where was h? In a bar with co-workers. After that, I totally detached from h & became just friends with him. I was enjoying my new life, my new granddaughter, & my Dad was recovering. I was finally getting past h & decided that when I get my degree (Dec. 2006) we`ll sell the house & split for good. H agreed to this.
It seems during July, h was seeing me in a different light. He started to fall in love with me again. I was so unprepared for this, since MLC can take years, & I was accepting my fate. Things have been improving since, h went into C for himself, is proving to me he`s serious about reconciliation & tells me he loves me everyday. So, what`s the problem? ME
I`m having a hard time getting over his true confession of his OW. It wasn`t anything to write home about, they were never intimate, just some kissing & a few hot touches, but that`s it. I just don`t feel special anymore, our M is no longer special, our bond has been broken, & the trust is gone. These are my feelings.
I want to get past this, but I don`t know how. H is being very patient while I now go through something, but the last thing I want to do is screw up. I find I don`t desire him anymore.
the only advice I can give you regarding h is to start anew (if you want)...don't treat him as the h you knew who made mistakes...you are a new person and he surely is to.
Don't worry about "screwing up" if you are honest with yourself and him there wont be anyway for YOU to screw up.
