Building Bridges

[cinemanymph]

I feel so honored, I just got my first thread locked up. Can someone tell me how to link the old thread to this one? I can't seem to find the URL.

Anyway,

Karen, blackie, and Chrissy,

Thank you for your responses. H is going out of his way to be nice and I am being nice, too. I have just lost something and don't know how to get it back. I don't have any desire to try to fix this for him.

H is resentful about my not working (which by the way, I have obtained gainful, full time employment at my local Meijer baking cookies and decorating cakes. My kids are jazzed. I start Monday bright and early.) So problem solved.

I planned on spending this week catering to H's every fantasy, since he was on vacation and the kids were in school, instead I hit the pavement looking for a job. I can't concieve ML with him with this ugliness hanging like an impenatrable fog between us. He is behaving like a man who regrets what he has said, but is unwilling to bring up the subject and talk about it. I am not going to bring it up, this is for him to do. It isn't about trying to make him suffer.

I attended the funeral of a neighbor's wife yesterday. There were so many people there, they had to bring in extra chairs and there was still standing room only. The woman who died touched a lot of people. I was thinking that life is fleeting and my thoughts turned to what is going on with my H and I. Am I being foolish or stubborn by waiting for him to be ready to broach the subject himself?

[cinemanymph]

blackie,

Is that blackfoot as in the Indian?

I am 40, this is my first marriage, we have 2 boys, 6 & 8. H and I will be married 10 years in October. Are there any other particulars that interest you?

[karen1]

Cine,

Good for you on the job. I hope you enjoy it. My only worry is whether you will ultimately dislike the job because you went out and got it under duress? Well - I hope you do enjoy it. It is nice to be with adults sometimes.

Karen

[LustForLife]

Hi Cin
I'm too much of a novice to tell you how to link your threads so I'll leave that to the experts.

As for your other points, I think funerals certainly have a way of jolting us to the importance of how fleeting life is. It certainly is what we make of it.

I'm 35, relatively young, and I'm already struggling with that MLC mindset of, Is this all there is? What is really important? Should I salvage my M? Maybe I should just enjoy my remaining years and stop spinning wheels with H. You get the idea.

I know in my heart that I will be much happier in the long run if I put in the effort my M DESERVES. That means, addressing issues as they arise. Every M has conflict, it is how you DEAL WITH IT that counts.

I think you should talk to your H about how you are feeling. Don't wait for him to bring it up. Just my two cents.

Sorry you are having a hard time right now. Congrats on the job though! My H was much happier when I started working again too. I think that will help.

[cinemanymph]

karen,
Thanks! When the fella interviewing me said he was considering me for the bakery and asked me if I would like to learn to decorate cakes, I said "that's fabulous, I've been wanting to take up cake decorating for as long as I can remember." Woo hoo and get paid for it, too! If I don't enjoy it, I can quit. It's like dating, I wouldn't continue to date someone I abhorred, I won't keep a job that I can't stand, either.

[cinemanymph]

LFL,
Thank you, thank you.

I won't be doing much posting here after I start working, but will drop in in the evenings when I get the chance.

[Lillieperl]

The URL for any given page is in the "address" field of your browser when you are on that page.

Highlight it by clicking on it, copy it using the copy command under the edit menu (or, more easily, hit "control-c"). The click on the URL link in the Instant UBB Code menu under the box you type your post in. When the new tiny window appears at the top of the page, make sure your cursor is in it and do "paste" from the edit menu (or "control-v"). This pastes the URL address into the tiny box. Hit "enter." A second tiny window appears and in that one you type what words or "title" you would like to show as the link... it might be "my story," "history," or if it's an amazon address, the title of the book. It takes much longer to write it out than it does to do it!

[Chrissy]

Cin,

Congrats on the job. Full time hmmm your better then me I am only looking for part time. Waitting to hear about all those awesome designs you incorporate into the art of cake decoration lol.

Cin go with your gut on how to handle this situation. Overlooking pride/resentment and just finding how you really feel you should address this. If you feel this is something you must wait on him to bring up then wait, But if you feel it is more important to clear the air then who opens the windows. Bring it up yourself tell H how what he said made you feel and that how you view the situtation is not the same.

Well hoping you are enjoying your last few days of unemployment. And entire the work force Monday very refreshed.

[Chrissy]

So Cyn how is that cake decorating going? Are you liking it? Come give us a update cant wait to hear whats going on in your new working enviroment.

[cinemanymph]

It's official folks, I am married to a lunatic. Here's the latest. I had complete some introductory computer courses for work and it happened to take a hour and a half longer than my normal work hours (hour and a half overtime woo hoo). H called me on my cell to ream me a new one because I wasn't home. I was having trouble getting the puter to accept my answers for the tests, f***ing thing kept loging off in the middle of things, aaaarrrrghgghhhhh! So I was already frustrated when his call came. I tried to explain what was going on to him but he hung up on me. I didn't have the patience to deal with him. The longer I sat there with my malfunctioning puter and his nasty tone of voice ringing in my ears, the madder I got. I had worked up a real good mad on by the time I got home. This is the conversation that took place:

Me: Don't you ever call me at work and speak to me like that ever again. I don't know who you think you are taking that nasty tone of voice with me.
H: You were supposed to be here at five, you didn't even stop to think that I might have had plans.
Me: I didn't know you had plans, why didn't you tell me you had something you wanted to do this evening?
H: You didn't need to know.
Me: What?
H: You never think of what I might have going on.
Me: I was at work. I can't win with you, you b!tch because I am not working, then I get a job and you b!tch because I'm not home. What the h*ll do you want from me?
H: My life is so great here. I'm getting treated so well.
Me: Yeah, well it's been three weeks since we had an argument in which you said something so hurtful I can't believe it came out of your mouth, let alone entered your mind to say to me. You haven't brought it up, just left it hanging between us.

I have to put an aside here, because last weekend attended a wedding long enough away where we spent the night in a hotel (a very rare occurance of the two of us getting to spend a night alone). I couldn't be expected to ML to my H with the FIL argument hanging between us so I brought it up, saying the following:

Me: I think you are sorry for what you said to me (regarding FIL) but I'm not sure because you haven't said so. I don't know if you know how hurtful what you said is. My fear is that you will get angry again and say something just as hurtful maybe to one of the boys.
H: Maybe I should leave then.

Back to the shouting match from yesterday:

H: Oh, you mean about Dad?
Me: Yeah, that gem you uttered at me.
H: Well it's true you didn't check on him until I called and asked how he was and the boys were crawling all over him.
Me: I was in the basement with the kids trying to give FIL some privacy to start his day. You mean to tell me that I was negligent in some way, and disrespectful to boot?
H: Yeah, you were.
Me: I don't know if I want to stay married to a man who thinks such things about me.
H: (clams up and hasn't said a thing to me since)

I am ready to call a divorce lawyer. Does anybody here think that there is anything salvagable within this marriage? My friends and family have been telling me for years to leave him and I have been insisting that he is the father of my children and the man I promised to grow old with at the alter 10 years ago. Have I been wrong all these years?

Thanks for asking about my job, Chrissy. I have baked so many cookies, pies, breads, etc. that I can't even smell them anymore. I have been able to decorate a few cakes, but find that cake decorating is a very small part of my job.