Again, my apologies for not yet being able to update you. My DD25 got married this past weekend, and it's been absolutely nuts! I'm also taking a graduate level stats course now which is extremely demanding.
Please be patient with me!
Remember, I love you guys! And I AM here, so load up the cooler with some fresh sodas, buy another case of microwave popcorn, and go buy yourselves some new bras. I PROMISE I will get to this!
I'll be straight with you, GF. Your recent posting is anti-climatic! You gotta stop getting your climaxes with your SO [ ] and get your sorry ass back on the BB to really, really update us!!
What happened between the gap of your H-bomb incident and having the ML fairy visiting you on a fairly frequent basis??!!! We want the torrid details!
My apologies to everyone. I know you're sitting on pins and needles. I promise it's coming; things have just been really bonkers lately with my daughter's wedding this past Saturday and a graduate level stats class that is using up what few brain cells I have left.
I am working on getting caught up on your sitches as well, so I AM here!
Hey Martha. Just wanted you to know how happy I am for you! Thanks for all your insight and suggestions this week and months ago in the past. You're a really special lady.
Okay, I'm probably not going to be able to do a Koshka Mega-post, so I will have to do this in installments.
As you may recall, we left our heroine post HBomb fall-out (see my last thread) whereby she absolutely lost her cool from the constant reeling in and letting go by her SO.
My last solid post on my last thread was prior to my birthday (July 17), so I will try to pick up from there.
I had taken a hiatus from this BB while I tried to work through my crap and use the Feeling Good book. It was a break I sorely needed. Not that I don't love you guys or value your input, but I was finding myself spinning out of control in confusion from all of the input here and from my friends and family and all of the books I had been reading. So I put everything down for a bit and just focused on one lesson at a time from the Feeling Good book. I had been beating myself up profusely for my meltdown, just certain that I had entirely blown any progress or chance of reconciliation out of the water.
The Feeling Good book helped me realize that while my actions were not all that great, it did not mean that I was a rotten or lousey person (this is what I had convinced myself of). Furthermore, the Feeling Good book helped me identify a major tape that had been playing in my head nearly all of my life which had been sabatoging this and all of my prior relationships.
What was the tape? "You don't deserve to be happy with any man because your dad left [died]." I swear, the second I identified it from my subconscious, it was suddenly screaming in my head. It was a huge break through for me. I realized that this was something that contributed to me being critical of my partner and caused me to do a lot of unnecessary fault-finding, both of myself and my partner.
Once I was able to identify that, it was like this incredible light was cast upon my life and all of the choices were there for me to see. I cannot explain how grateful I felt for having this revealed to me, once I got over the pain and the shock of it all.
I received this book right about the time of my birthday.
As Wes posted for all of you, SO took me out on my birthday for a couple of drinks. He told me then that he didn't care what the consequences were of seeing me [with OW2]; that because of what we had shared together I held a piece of his soul and by seeing me, he was honoring that piece of himself. He then went on to tell me not to wait for him [to get his act together]. I DR'd very well, listened, affirmed, and just took the information in w/o making too many statements or judgments.
Keeping his "don't wait for me" statement in mind, I got into the Feeling Good book and realized that I did not need him to be in my life for me to have a completely happy and fruitful life.
We emailed back and forth lightly over the next couple of weeks, and my PMA improved tenfold and my depression lifted completely. I had decided to go ahead and start dating.
One of the gentlemen that had been pursuing me was selected and I started to let him know that I was interested. We had some romantic interludes but no real date.
I have to state for the record here that SO had NO CLUE THAT MY THINKING OR ACTIONS HAD MOVED THIS DIRECTION. I never told him.
That brings us up to the last full week in July. More later.
I'm such a dork! I screw up my tag to my new thread every freakin' time I change it! I hate UBBS!
Okay, so I'll try to continue the saga, but SO will be coming over shortly (no D15 tonight!).
Without getting into a great amount of detail [because it was pretty bizarre], some very strange cosmic forces or perhaps it was my good karma came into play during the last week of July.
Just as I decided I was going to start dating, it appears that SO decided he'd made a big mistake. And, just as SO decided he was going to move forward with me, the guy I'd selected to start dating suddenly turned psycho on me! (Needy, demanding, pushy...very, VERY strange.) So, within the course of a week, it was easy for me to shut him down from dating.
On Sunday, July 31, 2 weeks after SO told me not to wait for him, we met again for a beer in the afternoon. It was then and there that he told me he was afraid he would loose me for ever. It was then and there that he told me I am the woman he wants to marry; spend the rest of his life with; call Mrs. SO.
I was shocked, amazed, astounded, giddy, giggly as a school girl.
Later that night we played Romeo and Juliette and he climbed into my bedroom window and we ML for the first time in eleven and a half months. By August 12, 26 yo OW2 was toast.
We have been blissfully dating ever since.
More later on some of the barriers we have encountered that might have been mountains in the past, but we've been able to make molehills out of them so far. Yay us!
