I appreciate your analysis and comments on my confusing situation. Bruce, I didn't get the garage door opener or tell her to remove her stuff, although she did mention it and say she'd put her stuff in storage if it annoyed me. Obviously that discussion didn't go any where.
Couple interesting interactions yesterday that I'd like to note. 1) At lunch the kids (hers) had an extended convo about why we should be married again. I didn't look at her so I'm not sure what she thought of that. They have over the last several weeks commented fairly routinely about all living together again, us being married, etc.
2) She did ask about her parenting. She was really short with her kids, riding them alot, and basically being a little crabby. She asked if she was being over the top and "could you answer honestly if I was over the top?" I said I didn't think so. She was comfortable enough on the way home to indicate that they usually behaved worse in public, but better at home. I didn't say anything. Making comments about her kids, unless positive, is a dead end street. The convo turned to more positive things such as her daughters obvious artistic gifts (she is really quite an impressive artist)
Anyway, my song of the day is inspiration for me...basically saying give XW what she needs and be patient.
Quote: No rush though I need your touch I won't rush your heart Until you feel on solid ground Until your strength is found, girl
I'll fill those canyons in your soul Like a river lead you home And I'll walk a step behind In the shadows so you shine Just ask it will be done And I will prove my love Until you're sure that I'm "the one"
Things, I think, will advance if I can just be patient. No more physical stuff unless she initiates so she doesn't just think I want sex.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
I'm #1! I'm #1 [Yep, I still get a kick out of it]
Wes, you now have her kids as allies in the sitch! This is huge, as they were a main reason for the breakup, weren't they - at least in her mind. Now, theres yet another big reason removed from her list of "Why we won't work out."
I'm very glad to hear this.
Nice job avoiding the cheeseless tunnel. But avoid the walking on eggshells stance as well if you noticed it.
Wes, Gabe is dead on the money w/ his post. Huge allies in her K's. And, she can't stay on the "You treated my K's like sh!t" routine if they like spending time w/ you and want you and XW to reunite.
As far as my sitch, thanks for your thoughts on my thread. You are on the money there yourself. I need to let go completely and I'm not doing it. I guess I need to truly accept the sitch for what it is. It is really hard to make oneself think that "she probably isn't coming back". And, you're right I need to be okay with that.
Quote: you now have her kids as allies in the sitch! This is huge, as they were a main reason for the breakup, weren't they - at least in her mind.
It won't hurt, but I suspect it won't be a big help. They fought the separation and D from the beginning. Her son didn't even want to go over to his mom's apartment for the first two weeks. None of that deterred her, but perhaps she felt it would wear off and they would not want to come back. So I guess as we explore this R further, perhaps you are right that at least the issue with her kids won't play such a prominent role.
But Gabe, that's the most confusing aspect; the insistence that it was because of the treatment of her kids that she wanted out. Her actions-leaving them with me, letting them stay the night, go on trips with my kids and me, asking me to watch them-don't really show that she is concerned about her kids being with me. So, I don't know what's up with that. I'll just have to be patient until she resolves that issue herself.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
My XW is up to the old tricks again. She is so susceptible to this internet stuff. Apparently she thinks she has been communicating with John Mayer, the singer. Here's what a friend wrote to my XW. Yes, I snooped and was stupid. Here's the content from what her friend wrote:
Quote: Question, how come John won't just call you on his phone? Why is everything always over the Internet? I've been feeling sort of scared for you going to the cities by yourself and never actually talking to this guy who says he loves you so much. I'm just afraid there is so much more to this story and I'm worried about you. I don't want to make you mad, I just care about you and the kids. I don't want anything to happen to you, there are so many nuts in this world.
So apparently someone who says he is John Mayer says he loves her. I would have to presume that she feels she loves him back. What is she doing with me then? Just waiting to figure out if John Mayer is going to pull her on stage and profess his love? I consider this to be OM and I intend to draw back from this. Just like Gabe's XW, mine needs to explore just what the h@ll she's wants R wise. Like her friend, I'm scared for her.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
We are rarely given the "real" reason why the walk-away, walks away. Though in your case, you likely are privy to more information than the rest of us.
As you would advocate, it is best not go down the cheeseless tunnel or to ruminate over the past, but to look for solutions to the future.
Oh yeah, don't you know, famous and desirable stars like John Mayer are always trolling on the internet for their next true love......NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
There's something sadly pathetic about her willingness to believe something so obviously delusional. Thank goodness her friend is trying to point out the obvious to her, since you (unfortunately) cannot be the bearer of bad news, she would just blame you.
Was your ex always this gullible, or is it a marker for how seriously impaired her current mental state is?
Quote: There's something sadly pathetic about her willingness to believe something so obviously delusional. Thank goodness her friend is trying to point out the obvious to her, since you (unfortunately) cannot be the bearer of bad news, she would just blame you.
Was your ex always this gullible, or is it a marker for how seriously impaired her current mental state is?
She's pretty gullible and she's also very trusting. This is back to why we initially separated and also why, even when things seemed good, that she continued to hold back. Because there was this internet fantasy person. This is just a new one. This time around I'm not going to compete with a fantasy.
Bruce, I won't snoop; scout's honor. And yes, this is a very good time to take a step back.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
[Yep, I still get a kick out of it]