Recap: Andy has told me he loves me, and has now dumped OW2.
This morning I woke up really rough, with a cold and decided not to go to class. I feel physically lousy. I have been feeling a bit distant and WAW like for a few days and really struggling with my emotions, and then after last night with him being so grumpy, that intensified the feeling.
I thought after he refused my offer to look after the kids, I would just back off and protect myself more. So I cancelled our planned trip to a cafe for a bite to eat, and stayed at home, expecting him to just drop DD4 off and leave.
Instead he and the girls walked right in and he sat down. The girls all hugged me and then went off playing in DD4's bedroom and Andy sat on the sofa. He said he felt lousy with a cold and bad stomach. I said same here, so do I. I made him a drink and got some food for DD4. Then I went to sort out a dispute over a scooter that they were fighting over.
Then I sat down at the opposite end of the sofa.
Andy apologised to me for 'being too harsh' last night and said he had only just dumped OW2 that day and felt awful to do that to her, so he had taken it out on me. I accepted his apology. A few minutes of silence later, he asked me why I was so quiet. I had all this crazy WAW BS floating around in my head, so I just told him I couldn't think of anything to say.
He managed to break down the barrier somewhat by lots of light convo and smiles and maintaining his eye contact with me. I felt as if he was the one DB'ing me, instead of the other way around.
I said to him 'As long as my sexual connection is still there, we'll be alright. If that goes, we're dead.' It was a warning to him, but I don't think he really understood what I was talking about.
We chatted for a bit about the sitch in a very light hearted way, and I mentioned a few of my online friends to him.
DD2 kept coming up and hugging me. She seems to need more physical reassurance than the others.
Then they had to go to a home ed meeting and I had to get DD4 to nursery school so I walked them to the door and said goodbye, and on the way out, Andy gave me this 'ILY' look with his eyes, and winked at me and said 'I'll call you later in the week to see if we can arrange something.'
Wow! He's really trying pretty hard. Good for you. And now getting to see your kids a fair amount has got to be a pleasant change. One thing that hasn't changed is his attitude that he is the only parent to everyone except DD4. That would be annoying, but I suspect those barriers will slowly ease over time as you see this thing through.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
Yes he is more interested when I back away as he is scared of losing me.
Yes you're right about the hurt. Being apart from him is painful, being this close to having him is flippin' terrifying and wonderful at the same time.
Yes the thing with the kids is annoying and actually hurtful, which is where some of my WAW feelings came from, but I have to just not rush at things with them.
I'd rather go slow and have my DD's than rush it and stay non-custodial.
Well, maybe he took note of my remark 'once the sexual connection has gone, we're dead.'
We've been chatting on msn all evening. It started off sad because he told me some friends of his just lost their baby boy at 22 weeks pregnant and he is going to the funeral on Friday. They called him Zachery Oliver and he was badly disabled which is why he died.
I empathised and told him to pass my regrets on to the couple and we got talking about babies and my upcoming egg donation and he started getting all protective and saying my body has been through all these child-bearings (I have had 7 pregnancies) and he doesn't think I can withstand the egg donation procedure and that he was worried for my health.
I explained why I wanted to do it and thanked him for worrying about me.
We carried on chatting about various things and things got a bit friendlier and he told me he wants me to ML with him on a beach in broad daylight - WOW
I told him I'll do it - but said to allow extra time for being arrested
Does anyone know how to ML in public without anyone noticing? Tips please. I have never done this in daylight before, not on a beach. I've done it in woods, but that's different because you can hide behind trees
Help - I'm not sure when this will happen, but this has to be perfect.
Apparently this is a fantasy he's had for years that he never told me about.
