Personally when I am having sex regularly I perfer to not give her a climax every time. They dont need the frequency like we do and it keeps the woman unsatisfied and amped up and eager for the next encounter.
I had to stop here and laugh not that I agree or disagree But I just invisioned the neck hair that is gonna stand up on the necks of the HD woman on this BB. Though as a LD I would find no real drive to continue to have sex with a person that left me feeling high and dry often. (That is in part issue for my LDness in the first place). I think this concept would backfire relating to me. But I am guessing and guessing being a key word is that this is not a route of action you take frequently. How would a man continue to look masculine and manly to a female if they did not appear to be able to finish the deed on a regular basis. And if your mate knows you are not looking to please them how would your love making not take on a egotistical and selfish appearance that would open the door for resentment?
You say 10-15 times a year..... that is not going to keep her motor running. If women dont keep it active it gets rusty and dusty down there.
I agree with this statement completely.
It causes me to resent her AND to disrespect myself Tough love buddy...only your perception of your self can cause you to direspect yourself.
Again I so agree with this. I feel self-respect,self-worth, self-esteem all rely on ones self. To many people let others have control of what they base these things on.
As for CeMar minus dropping in and sharing a little of his built up frustration he is pretty elusive. Seldom does he answer direct questions or share much in line with personal insight other then how much he not only wants sex but how badly he craves his wife to desire him sexually. I have found post were he implies that he has read the book 5LL. Finances inhibit him from seeking C. And his primary reason to remain married is his responsibility to his children. Thats all the morsels he has really thrown us as to his thinking other then about sex.
Hope all are having a lovely day. I think the reading on this post is about to become interesting. Lol
Personally when I am having sex regularly I perfer to not give her a climax every time. They dont need the frequency like we do and it keeps the woman unsatisfied and amped up and eager for the next encounter.
You knew this would get a reaction, didn't you? I agree with HP, The more orgasms I have, the more I want. If so many encounters leave me unsatisfied, I'm not going to even want to get started. It's not all about the man's orgasm ya know. Yes, definitely, the more I have, the more I want. Maybe that was the problem, I wasn't getting satisfied. I never really considered that...really, isn't that weird?
I just never took resposibility for my own orgasm. I didn't think it was a big deal, but it could really have been a HUGE factor in H's dissatisfaction. He probably would have loved to know, "hey, I did that." I think I was kind of stingy (for lack of a better word) with my O. Like, you were not a good boy this week, so I'm not going to give you the satisfaction--meaning, the satisfaction of knowing you satisfied me. Gee, I am warped
Quote: I think I was kind of stingy (for lack of a better word) with my O. Like, you were not a good boy this week, so I'm not going to give you the satisfaction--meaning, the satisfaction of knowing you satisfied me. Gee, I am warped
This statement stopped me in my tracks...(Personally when I am having sex regularly I perfer to not give her a climax every time. They dont need the frequency like we do and it keeps the woman unsatisfied and amped up and eager for the next encounter. ).....Says who?!! It doesn't work that way for ANY women I know.
THAT particular comment sounds soooo very cruel to me, it is manipulative and it is selfish....and some men wonder why a woman would choose to not have sex with them? YIKES!
Blackfoot...did you do this to your W?
I can think back to my LD days on this....if I were left unsatisfied...it wouldn't amp me up, I'd be left thinking "this is what this is about, no thanks". Today, as the HD spouse...if I were left unsatisfied....I'd feel slighted, let down, and not very happy about the encounter, and if I were to find out my partner was doing it purposefully...pissed off!!!
ML is supposed to be a mutual give & take. Blackfoot...you sound like such an intelligent person, I find it hard to believe THAT cruel statement came out of you. I read this post the day it was posted...almost posted my response then but didn't. But it has stuck in my brain.
Perhaps you will be more successful getting CeMar to respond with some actual information....no one else on the board has been and believe me...we've tried.
We would truly be willing to help CeMar, but I find myself often wondering if he really wants help...or if he really wants to fix things in his M. His responses lead me to believe he doesn't....let me rephrase that, his lack of responses lead me to believe that.
FYI...while I do not always agree with your posts, I do appreciate them; you give some interesting new perspectives. Some of which make me want to smack you upside the head, true enough LOL...but some truly do make me stop and think as well.
Quote: We trigger the sex drive. We have the testosterone at a minimum 10x more.
Could you expand upon this?
Quote: It causes me to resent her AND to disrespect myself Tough love buddy...only your perception of your self can cause you to direspect yourself. change your perception. I have touched on this briefly but, barring sexual abuse situations, and often even in those-- it is the mans mental state that dictates the relationship.
Are you talking about the stromg, confident man, or does this mean something more? Would a strong confident man actually stay married to a ND women? I say this cause I know many powerful executives in my company have DUMPED their first wives and now have much younger 2nd wives.
Quote: It causes me to resent her AND to disrespect myself Tough love buddy...only your perception of your self can cause you to direspect yourself. change your perception. I have touched on this briefly but, barring sexual abuse situations, and often even in those-- it is the mans mental state that dictates the relationship.
Again, can you expand upon this?
Quote: Would she read a mystery romance novel?
She reads them constantly. I go to bed alone while she reads these books.
Quote: "the relationship lives and dies based on the head of the house."
Your probably right, but I have no freaking clue as to what to change.
Quote: Isn't the goal to have a passionate marriage?
I dont know. Is it your goal? Then say it with conviction and stop making it a question. You sound lost when you do that. Have a direction.
Yes, my goal is to have a passionate marriage. In my terms, it is the ONLY marriage that is successful. The problem is that passion must be a two way street, which in effect makes desire have to be a two way street. Has any ND ever achieved a PM? Not sure that even in the book PM was there a case of this.
Quote: Do you think your are attractive?
For a 45 year old man, I am in pretty darn good shape and yes, I am decent looking.
(For a 45 year old man, I am in pretty darn good shape and yes, I am decent looking.)
Doesn't come across very convincing to me. A convincing statement to me would be...Yes, I am an attractive man.
Not, I'm attractive for a 45 year old man...and "I'm decent"? Those don't come across as very confident? Do you not realize that we women don't think...dang, he's good looking for 45...or at least I don't, and I know my close friends don't. Take my H for example....he's a very handsome man, although I know he has low self-esteem issues. When I first met him I didn't think...hey! He's good looking for 40-something, I just thought...that's a good looking guy!
Perhaps your self-image is something you could concentrate on.
CeMar, From what you have said, I think your W's desire is GONE and it's not coming back. I think you should get a divorce. Find someone whose desire level matches yours. Set this woman free from your constantly wanting something from her that she is not able/willing to give. You're not doing her any favors by staying in her life. Let HER find someone who can appreciate her for who she is. From what you've said, you have NO reason to believe that she will ever change. This marriage has run its course, and it's time to move on. Period. My 2 cents.
Aw come on GEL, don't be so hard on CeMar. He says plenty of things to raise eyebrows, but this wasn't one of them. If I was asked, I would give a very similar answer - I'm a decent looking guy. To my mind, that's just acknowledging that I’m not going to put any movie stars out of work. Reasonably good shape falls into the same category. I don’t think I’m going to be winning any ironman competitions, but I’m in pretty good shape for a guy my age. IOW, there’s nothing wrong with that answer and I think you’re going a little too far in reading something into it. Like Blackfoot said, we guys are pretty simple.
I wasn't being hard on CeMar, truly I wasn't; not this time anyway. His statement simply didn't come across to me as someone who has confidence...it came across more to me as a hesitant statement.
Kind of like...."I'm decent, I think." See what I mean...not even like "yeah...I'm decent! any woman would be lucky to have me." Yes, I'm reading into what he said, I admit that...but that's to give you a general impression of how his statement came across to me.
He's asked several times what he could work on within himself that might make an impression on his W....that's why I gave my take on how his statement came across. Women do seem to find a certain amount of self-confidence appealing & attractive...I'm just suggesting that maybe, just maybe this is something he could work on.
