I'd look right at her and say something like...."Sounds like you've already made up your mind you can't or won't do this....I know your better than that." and leave it at that.
My Grandmartyr (yes I said marytr) acts EXACTLY like your W as far as the pity blackmail thing goes. You know what? I'm the only person in our family she truly feels close to....I'm the one she appears to respect the most....and I'm the only one who ever puts my foot down with her and calls her on the carpet about her behavior...I'm the only one who doesn't tolerate it.
Try it with your W. Tell her you don't appreciate the way she talks down about herself and that you flat-out don't buy it. Tell her you think she says those things as an excuse not to have to do them. Challenge her.
Quote: A better way to put it might be: "I've made an appointment with a couple's counselor and we are going together next Tuesday at 5:00 pm."
Ouch! I might need a lot of Dutch Courage to do it that way. but yes, it might be the only way to make it work. Make it an inevitable event, set, planned and booked. If she doesn't want to go, the only message I can read in that is that she doesn't have any intention on improving things or putting an effort in. It's really putting her on the block. Drastic, but yes, I see how it might be the only way to make it work/happen.
I truly do feel you tiptoe a bit too much around things...trying to be gentle about it, and I understand that. But you are going to need to take a more firm approach to get her to take you seriously...at least that's what my gut's telling me. Setting the appointment, and then telling her when it is for the two of you...is a good start.
Quote: Ouch! I might need a lot of Dutch Courage to do it that way. but yes, it might be the only way to make it work. Make it an inevitable event, set, planned and booked. If she doesn't want to go, the only message I can read in that is that she doesn't have any intention on improving things or putting an effort in.
What's she going to do? Shoot you?
Look at it this way: you're showing her how much you care and how important this is to you by really sticking your neck out. Her not going must not be a viable option. You must come clean and tell her you care so much and you are so desperate that she must work on this with you.
