Hello. I found this forum today. I understand my problem completely, but I'm struggling to deal with the issues. My husband is depressed; he's been diagnosed with depression and treated. Several life stressors have battered him lately: potential loss of his job, mother having back surgery and applying for new job.
He vacillates between fury and total withdrawal. He's barely able to make it to work and does nothing to contribute to the household. We have 2 small children and he goes days without speaking to them.
I've addressed the obvious such as his medication is wrong. He doesn't seem to hear me. We see a counselor together, but I'm getting nothing noteworthy from him. I see a different counselor for myself who appears to have a better grip on the whole scenario.
Several friends want me to leave. I refuse. My parents divorced when I was 13 and I will not do that to my children.
I hope by reading here that I will find some better ways to piece my life together. I know it can be better, but dh has been sucked into the vortex of negativity.
married 6 years, mom of 2 struggling to make a strong family
Can't really do much for your H's depression, only a specialist can do that. Perhaps your counselor should be a psychiatrist for him?
I will give you the patent advice for anyone on this board, which is to get a copy of "Divorce Remedy" and read it and follow it's advice. It has worked for many of us here.
However, if your only problem in your marriage is his depression, then you really won't be helped by this book alone. You will have to get him help.
In the meantime, please tell us a little more. Is he happy with you - relatively, I mean, as he is depressed. What are your fights about. What do you want to see changed. How do you feel in this relationship? Anything, just tell us some more background so we can help feel out some solutions.
How long has your H been on his meds? My H has also been diagnosed with depression and thankfully, his meds are doing wonders. It took them over a month to kick in. And, at one point I called the Dr. frantic because H seemed to be getting worse instead of better. In the end, it's taking double doses of two antidepressants to bring him out of the black hole. He missed his meds last week for one day, and it wasn't pleasant. Without them, he's basically generating no feel good chemicals.
Hang in there! If you can communicate with his Dr. maybe you can let him know that you're not seeing a big change in your H's mental health? Good luck, and if you can get a copy of Divorce Remedy, it's well worth the read and the effort!
Hi, piglet. Dh has been on anti-depressants most of his life. I didn't go on them until recently and finally found a good fit with the third one. IMO, his meds are not working properly. I attempted to contact his pdoc but HIPPA laws interferred with that. He had the secretary phone me to tell me that I could not speak with him. I tell dh all the time that his meds could be the issue. He believes he knows better.
What do we fight about? Well, I try not to engage him in that manner as much as I can avoid it. Last week, we had a particularly bad fight because he said he wanted to "kill myself" in front of our 4 year old daughter. I had no choice but to confront him on that. His response, "she's too young to understand." It never seems to matter what I say, he counters with a negative. I know it's the depression talking, but I'm finding it awfully difficult to hold my head above water.
No, he's not happy in the marriage; he's not happy with anything these days. The tiniest frustration can catapult him into a rage at any time. Needless to say, I'm having trouble with the kids in their tantrums. Monkey see, monkey do.
What would I like to see changed? I'd like home to be more peaceful. I'd like for him to want to spend time with the kids. I'd like to feel comfortable leaving him with the kids for an hour or so. As it stands, I have to always find a sitter. I'd like to see him interested in working on projects around the house. I'd like to be able to spend time as a family without someone becoming unglued.
There are probably a lot of other items on my wish list, but my number one would be for him to get a handle on his emotions.
Another choice line that he yelled at me last week was "if I commit suicide it will be your fault." I know better than to believe that, but it hurt deeply. Lately, he seems to find power in hurting me.
married 6 years, mom of 2 struggling to make a strong family
